


Mind Over Matter

by CrypticGabriel



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Amputation, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Bad Dental Hygiene, Blood and Gore, Burnplay, Burns, Decapitation, Dismemberment, Established Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Explicit Sexual Content, Forced Experiments, Gore, Graphic Amputation, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hallucinations, Horror, Intergalactic Alliances, M/M, Macabre, Marriage, Masturbation, Medical Torture, Monsters, Mutilation, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prison, Prisoner of War, Rage, Rough Sex, Science Experiments, Science Fiction, Secret Marriage, Sexual Tension, Survival Horror, Teeth, Torture, Vengeful Behavior, Vomiting, War, vengeance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-22 16:48:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13768356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrypticGabriel/pseuds/CrypticGabriel
Summary: Takashi Shirogane was an intergalactic soldier before a great invasion destroyed the land. An entire army was completely wiped out by alien monsters locally known as Leeches, which mercilessly suck the quintessence out of their victims. Once bitten, their fate has been sealed, and there is no possible way to reverse its effects.After being the sole survivor of the attack, Shiro was abducted by Galra scientists and experimented on for two years before narrowly escaping death. While both battling trauma and fighting for his life, Shiro finds a way to seek vengeance when reuniting with the love of his life, who now is with a small militia seeking new recruits. To even his own shock, they discover that the only known thing on the planet that can kill the Leeches is his bionic arm forced upon him by the Galra.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After 6 long months, I'm so happy to introduce this project to you! A special thank you goes out to the [VLD Horror Bang](http://vldhorrorbang.tumblr.com) for allowing me to be a part of the event, as well as all the wonderful friends I've made through joining the bang. Their help was greatly appreciated as I've had to go through rewrite after rewrite to make sure everything was exactly how I wanted it to be presented.
> 
> A huge thank you goes out to [Ren,](http://twitter.com/giveshiroabreak) for looking over my work as a beta. They've helped me so much, and their help keeping this work afloat has been incredible.
> 
> And of course, a huge, HUGE thank you to [Lexy,](http://instagram.com/blackauras/) my artist that has worked with me the past few months and has the patience of a saint with all my rewrites and constantly changing the plot.
> 
> Thank you so much for looking into this story and reading. I hope you enjoy it! Updates will be posted every 12 - 18 hours with a day off to watch Season 5.

_I remember the start of the_ end of the world very clearly.

I was with my fiancé at a bakery, looking at cakes for the reception. Yesterday, Keith had gone to the tailor to get fitted for his tux, which I wouldn’t be able to see until our wedding. He already knew what I would be wearing, since I was a military groom, and he insisted on keeping his outfit a surprise. We were buzzing with excitement and constantly on our toes.

We’d just booked the Arusian ballroom for our reception, and after cake testing, we were going to a travel agent to talk about our honeymoon. Keith wanted to pick the place since we will be spending his birthday there. I never got the chance to ask him where he’d wanted to go. There would soon be no reason to.

“I really like the Devil’s food,” Keith hummed as he ate another forkful. “What do you think, Shiro?”

I nodded with enthusiasm while I felt my phone vibrating, I’d been ignoring it for so long that I thought it would stop by now. Whoever was calling me should know that I was incredibly busy. “And the tarts are to die for. The guests will never be able to stop talking about it.”

“I know,” he insisted cheerfully. Every time we’d gone about our wedding plans, he could never stop smiling. It was a smile I’d never get tired of seeing.

There went my phone again, buzzing nonstop. I must have gotten twelve missed calls since we’d entered the bakery alone. I didn’t want to break the peace. “Keith, I’m sorry,” I sighed as I stepped back. “I gotta take this.”

“No worries. I’ve been hearing that phone in your pocket all afternoon.” The teasing grin on his face gave me enough reassurance that I was not going to end up in the doghouse tonight.

“Hello?” I looked out the window, seeing pedestrians still going about their day. I could’ve easily gotten entranced if it weren’t for what I heard next.

_“Lieutenant Shirogane, it’s Colonel Holt. There has been an emergency distress signal from Planet Daibazaal. Efforts are being made to prepare the fleets immediately.”_

I could feel the breath being punched out of my chest. Holt was still talking, but it was all merely white noise, now. It was a call that I’d never wanted to receive. Our quadrant had been at peace for the past several centuries. There wasn’t really a need for the Galaxy Garrison at all. I’d joined to go on routinely tours, and even then I’d only been on one.

There could very well be a war brewing, and I wasn’t prepared in the slightest.

I saw Keith look towards me with a pleasant smile. In that instant, I also watched his face fall, the color draining from his face as he realized how worried and panicked I’d suddenly looked.

He knew.

He knew I had to leave.

“...When?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

“In two days. It’s an urgent mission.”

That wavering gleam in his eyes as he was holding back tears drove the dagger further into my chest. I watched him move back over to the counter, giving the decorator payment for their time. It was then that I reached out and held his hand, running my fingers over his ring. That was the only apologetic gesture I could give him right now.

“Thank you,” he rasped out, talking to the decorator, “but we won’t be picking out a cake today.”

 

 _The night before I had to_ leave, Keith and I decided to have our own small ceremony. We knew it wouldn’t be official, but it was good enough to hold us off until we can experience the real thing. God, I couldn’t stop thinking about how handsome he looked in that tux. And the way his eyes shone, in contrast, was enough to knock me sideways.

And here I was in my formal uniform. We stood right on our apartment balcony, the few stars that arrived to the occasion lighting up the night. They were our witnesses.

The wedding bands were nothing flashy, and that was how we preferred them. We couldn’t stop looking into each other’s eyes, and I’d nearly dropped his ring in the process. When my hands finally stopped shaking and I was able to keep a steady hold, I started to slide the band on his finger, his shaky laughter surprisingly not breaking my concentration too much.

“With this ring, I thee wed,” I mumbled. If I spoke up any louder, I would start choking up. “And my vow to you is that I promise to come home, so we can get married for real. With a priest.”

“You’re holy enough to be a priest all on your own, Takashi.”

“Right,” I laughed out, kissing his hand.

I could still see the hurt and anguish in his eyes, but the smile on his face through his tears kept my spirits high. “And... with this ring, I thee wed. And I promise to keep the bed warm for you until you come back.”

As he slowly put the ring on my finger, we were both startled when sirens started up. He held onto me while we both looked up at the sky, only to see nothing unusual.

“Just a practice drill,” I chuckled while I took his face in my hands. I wiped away any stray tears that I saw. “May I now kiss the groom?”

Even with the sirens blaring, I knew he could make out what I was saying. As his grip tightened on me, he gave me a brisk nod.

I kissed him like it would be the last time. Each one up until tomorrow very well could’ve been. And it didn’t stop there. With our hands fumbling through our clothes, we made our way back to our bed. We didn’t need to entertain any guests tonight. And soon enough, not even the sirens could startle us as we only became focused on how we moved our bodies.

 

 

_“It’s a beautiful Thursday morning. Perfect weather for take-off, right, Nyma?”_

_“That’s right, Rolo...”_

_Neither of us were paying attention_ to the news right now. With my back constantly arching up with Keith’s hips steadily slapping against mine, how could we? Even when I did try to listen, feeling him hit me just right would be enough to break my concentration again.

_“We’ve received breaking news that the Galaxy Garrison is officially taking part with allied forces to answer an urgent distress signal from Planet Daibazaal—”_

“—F-fuck!”

_“...whatever lead to the signal may be for similar events that unfolded on Altea...”_

“Keith!” I kept breaking off into whimpers, each thrust making me feel even more winded than the first. And the best part was that he wouldn’t stop, and as I’m writhing in the bed he was going harder, and _harder_. “You’re gonna... m-make me come!”

_“We have confirmed intel that the planet has been entirely stripped of its natural resources...”_

I should’ve realized that I needed to pay more attention to the news, but the orgasm that coursed through me at long last was beyond worth it. We both knew this final round of sex was going to be the last one we’d have for a long while, and we made sure to make it count. When Keith came, he’d collapsed on top of my body, using what little energy he still had left to pull out and toss the condom. We were both shaking and desperately trying to keep our lips on each other, even as we were slowly coming back to our senses.

_“After their recent pandemic, only a handful of inhabitants survived before being escorted here to Arus. General Iverson has high hopes that this situation will be handled swiftly.”_

We were still kissing each other, even after the waves had subsided. Threading my fingers through his hair, I also take hold of his hands. I couldn’t stop kissing the ring on his finger.

_“Colonel Holt and his elite squadron will be the first to land on Daibazaal. The launch will take place today at the Capitol at eleven. And you can only catch it Live here, on GAC TV.”_

The commercials on the TV start up in the background as we’re holding each other, and Keith grabs the remote to change the channel so we could lie together in silence. His arms were wrapped around me so tightly, and I felt warm beside him.

“Do you really have to go?” he mumbled into my shoulder, his body shifting to cling to me further.

“You know the answer to that, Keith,” I sighed while our fingers intertwined, and I kissed his ring finger again. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

He looked at me straight in the face, leaning up to kiss my lips. That solemn look in his eyes sent shivers down my spine.

“Come home.”

“I will.” And that was a promise.

I made the poor decision of looking at the clock. I only had a couple more hours before I had to be at the launch bay. “Keith. Babe, I need to get up now.”

“No...” He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. “You’re warm.”

“C’mon. I still need to shower,” I laughed while climbing out of bed, gently untangling his limbs from mine. I had my bag ready to go at the door. I just needed to wash up real quick and throw my uniform on.

While scrubbing myself up and rinsing, I couldn’t help but get a sudden sense of impending doom. I just assumed that it was an instant gut reaction when coming to terms that you were leaving your home for a possible war. I even became spooked by my own reflection in the bathroom mirror while I was shaving.

I just needed to relax. All was going to end well. Nothing bad really was going to happen. Our quadrant was at peace. This was just nothing.

I looked at my watch again.

_Time to leave._

Once I was dressed, I had my bag slung over my shoulder. Keith was watching me, dressed in sweats as he rushed over. His frame quickly wrapped around mine again when he jumped up to cling, and I held him tightly while keeping my balance.

“I love you.” He couldn’t hold back his sadness anymore. “Please come home.”

“I promise, I will.” I gave him one last deep, passionate kiss. And then another one for good measure. And another. “And I love you.”

Finally, he let go of me. He stood by the door intensely, watching me leave. I tried to keep the mood light by giving him a smile and waving goodbye, and it was possible that it actually worked. I didn’t hear our apartment door shut until after I’ve made my way to the elevator.

I wish I could’ve found a way to still stay with him.

 

* * *

 

 _Daibazaal was hell. It’s an incredibly_ long story that I’d much rather not think about, but I won’t keep all of it in the dark. I’ll share what I’m willing to tell for now, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to share everything.

This planet was home to the Galra. They were a powerful force in the alliance, with a warlord to lead them all. At his right was an acclaimed scientist that obeyed his every command while also committing her life to conducting experiments.

When arriving on this planet, it looked horribly bleak. The ground underneath us was grey and barren. There was no wildlife or really any civilians around. It was as if the whole place was completely wiped out. We all knew at the ready that there was a slim chance that all of us were going to make it out alive, but nothing would prepare us for the reason why.

A handful of us was on the ground scouting, including myself. We’d been helping Daibazaal fend off strange ships and aircrafts for the past two years, constantly investigating and seeing if there were any changes day by day. So far, it just only got worse. Nothing could grow here. There was no more water on this planet. It was... dead.

 _“There’s nothing more that we can do,”_ Colonel Holt said over the radio. _“I’ve just spoken with Lord Zarkon. We must evacuate the planet and escort them back to Arus.”_

 _“What do we do if the Galra don’t want to leave?”_ I hear someone then ask.

 _“They have no choice,”_ Holt replied. _“Either they leave with us or starve to death.”_

I was with three other people on our way to meet at the rendezvous point. It was right near Haggar’s facility, and we weren’t too far from it. Our rations were growing scarce, anyways, even after the final round of fleets came with more supplies just a couple months before. We would’ve needed to leave sooner or later. Despite not being able to save Daibazaal and leaving the planet to the same fate as Altea, at least now we had an idea on how to begin the process of preventing the same thing from happening to Arus.

 _“Prepare the ships,”_ is the Colonel’s next order. _“Lord Zarkon is calling for the evacuation.”_

“Yes Sir,” I answered, along with other soldiers in unison. We’d just arrived at the rendezvous point, with others coming over in the air. Just above the facility, we then saw a bright light spark across the sky. I had to look away, the brilliance too much for my eyes.

“That must be their signal,” I heard a soldier observe beside me.

“Where are the Galra, though?”

I looked around and still saw no one to be found under the light. “Maybe they’re pretty far off from here.”

 _“Attention Daibazaal.”_ We looked around when hearing Zarkon suddenly call out. _“This is not a drill. Head to your evacuation stations. We will begin our departure in twenty minutes.”_

Holt looked confused as we listened. “Twenty minutes? That wasn’t...”

_“Colonel!”_

That was the aerial fleet. Their call made the rest of us look back to the light. Surrounding it now was a strange, black mass. It hovered above us like a thick cloud, and it was expanding. It didn’t touch around the perimeter of the light, as sparks were forming from what I then realized was a beacon.

“What _is_ that?”

I remembered seeing a mass like that before. It was a while ago when I was with Holt on another scouting mission to collect resources. It’d just hovered above the sky, not moving, but everything around it was looking more grim than it already did. When I looked to the Colonel, we both had a mutual understanding.

 _“Approach cautiously,”_ called Holt, _“it may be hazardous.”_ To the soldiers on the ground. _“Get ready. We may need to fire.”_

I had my weapon ready, and others in their vehicles were loading up ammo. We all stepped back, but I was unsure of how to feel.

We all watched the fleet begin to approach the substance, and many of us on the ground were taking aim just in case. It didn’t seem to do much, and I heard banter and chatter from the soldiers above. However, when they went into the mass for further investigation, all communication completely stopped. I flinched at the sudden sounds of screams and cries through the radio. What sent shivers down my spine was that it was all suddenly cut off, and nothing left behind fell to the ground. There wasn’t even static from their radios.

It was complete silence.

We didn’t know what to do, but all at once we started to shoot at it. What good would that have done? I realize that now. The next thing we knew, the mass started to stretch apart and _multiply_ , scattering across the sky and plummeting to the ground. Several forms of this mass rose up from rooted legs to appear in a personified form. That was when Hell broke loose.

With nothing but black substance holding together the pale semblances of discombobulated structures of skin and bone, they moved swiftly, like gliding on top of ice. Although they looked like a hellish version of a human, it moved nothing like one. They looked at us like prey with these cold, cataract-coated eyes. The next wave of us began to fire at them with everything that they had. Not only did our ammunition not strike them dead, but it just made them move quicker.

 _“Fall back!”_ Holt screamed, and we were watching as soldiers were being picked off one by one. It was all in such a flash that I can still barely process it. _“Retreat! To your ships—”_

I watched Colonel Holt die right in front of me. He was pinned to the ground by one of these aliens and left living his last moments scared to die and knowing he was going to suffer during it.

It bit into his throat, its mouth gaping wide with rows of sharp teeth. We watched as while his blood sprayed and splattered everywhere, the creature looked like it was _drinking._ A luminous aura formed around the two of them and the creature continued to absorb it, outweighing the light with its shadowy form. The white light went from bright and blinding to pitch black.

It sucked the life out of him.

That’s what they do, and they continued to do so with several more soldiers before I finally had the sense to run. Once you were bitten, it was over. There was nothing that anyone could do. The effects were irreversible. They showed no mercy to their victims, as if it didn’t have any concept of empathy to begin with. It sucks you until you are completely dry, and everyone around you is forced to watch you die a painful death while your normally flushed skin is as pale as where the sun doesn’t shine. It’s a menacing killer.

From now on, I will refer to them as Leeches. It doesn’t matter what they’re really called or what kind of species of alien they are. These horrible creatures do not deserve an identity, after knowing about their cruel nature firsthand. There is no way that I can refer to them as something else.

Nothing was able to stop them. Absolutely nothing. No one had any luck. Neither explosives nor bullets can kill them. Even when we were fresh out of ammunition, they kept charging at us, biting into us left and right. And as I was watching this, nearly frozen in fear, I noticed that not only were these Leeches getting stronger, but they were also getting _bigger._ We were powerless against them.

When I’d finally run out of ammo, I was starting to say my prayers as everyone was getting killed around me. Even with my reflexes already swift, they were always one step ahead of me, their faces getting up real close with these empty but soul-sucking stares. I’d genuinely thought that I was going to die.

A sudden roar of an engine that sounded like it was getting closer startled me backwards. The swarm of Leeches surrounding me suddenly got knocked out from under their rooted legs. A giant vehicle struck them and tossed them several feet away. They were stunned, and I knew that their state was not going to last very long.

I looked at the truck that very well had saved my life, hurrying to thank them and try to persuade them to take me off this godforsaken planet. Taking time to briefly notice my surroundings, I saw that not a single soldier was moving. In their tanks, trucks, and on the ground, they were all lying still. The entire army was wiped out, and I was the last soldier left.

To my sudden dismay, as I’d looked at the back of the van and saw the Galra symbol etched into the doors, my tone changed from one of hopefulness to one of horror. They opened quickly when I’d gotten too close, and two strong guards grabbed at me like a vice and yanked me inside.

The start of the end of the world involved a lot of horrible things that were done to me, and while I have a lot of crucial elements to share, I don’t feel comfortable talking about all of them now. When I’d left my home and the love of my life behind, I never thought that I would be captured and sabotaged.

I never thought that I would take any part in the efforts to try and save the world, either. All I could think about was to hang on to the hope that it would be over soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been two years?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened??? *eyes emoji*  
> Anywhooo Thank you for taking interest past the first chapter! I've been so excited to post this for the past several months, and I really hope you enjoy!

_I stop breathing._

_My lungs scream_ for air as I struggle to heave and shoot up in my cot. As my senses slowly start working again, I feel cold sweat all over my body and wince at the sudden pain shooting up and down what’s left of my arm. I turn my head and look at the despicable appendage they’d decided to replace it with.

The skin underneath this so-called “prosthetic” has been infected for several days now, and although now it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable to move it, I know that I’ll never get used to this new arm at all.

I stare at the thing for way too long.

_“No—no, don’t!”_

I stop breathing again. I’m hiding my face in my hand, because I can’t stop thinking about the event. Not again. _Not again!_

I can hear the screams I’d let out in my head as I was forced to look at my arm due to the metal clamps keeping me still. Even as I try to struggle and break free from my bonds, I know it’s no use. My fate had been sealed.

Watching the barbaric way these Galra “doctors” used their rusty ass saw to _slowly chop_ my arm off was the most egregious and painful experience of my life.

Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit.

That’s one more smell I need to worry about when I’m trapped in here. The mess is right over the end of the cot, and I cringe at the mere sight of it. I can’t cry again… I _can’t cry._

I’d gone into shock right after the experience, but they all threw me right back into their terrible experiments and tests. I haven’t had a break since… I’d have to say before I went to Daibazaal.

After I was captured, I was thrown into a spacecraft. The Galra evacuated on their own terms, going completely against our century-long alliance. While being on their ship, they’d made several stops on different planets, picking up more prisoners to toy with. Not all of them would survive, and I was among the first few that were taken. I’d lost track of time while trapped in here, but with what little semblance of structure I have in here, I’d gotten some clues. In total, it’s been nearly four years since I left Arus. It feels so long ago now. In my time trying to survive these grueling experiments, however, I’ve started to figure out how to get out of here.

Roughly three days ago, I heard the prison guards talk about how they were heading to Arus next. My blood had gone cold, and the fact that I was injured beyond repair didn’t help in the slightest. At least now, finally I’m back on my home planet. I’ll be able to warn everyone about the Leeches. They would destroy this entire planet without any restraint, and I couldn’t let that happen. And for the first time in months, I found a will to live again.

It takes extensive planning to be able to map out my escape. All of the guards have their own posts, where they rotate and pace in the same exact ways every time they come through. Four times an hour, a new guard will pace in front of my cell. It’s not like I can unlock the door with a key, either. The bars are made of hazardous lasers, and while the switch is on it completely burns your skin.

Everything is done in a right-angular pattern. Their footfalls are always in sync. I’ve been studying the way that they’ve moved, even without the general impulse to leave just yet. There has never been a good enough time to execute my plan. They’re all just too good, too smart...

Then we landed on Arus, and my plans had changed for the better.

_“Subject 4129 is needed for further testing.”_

This is it.

My heart is thundering in my chest as in the back of my mind I drastically change my plans. Soon, two guards will be coming in here to pick me up, and the next available ones are in the further corner of prison chambers. If I can get an upper hand and kill these guards before they take hold of me, I’ll stand a chance of making it out of here. By the grace of some divine being that is hopelessly looking out for me, I’ve earned my open slot to fill thanks to an anomaly.

I hear them coming now. I struggle to my feet and stand near my cot, pushing hair out of my face. Right at the bars to my cell, they lower the defenses. The two of them step in, and although they tower over me in height, I can pinpoint weak points. My one hand is now made of metal, and surely I have some power against them because of it.

_Don’t fuck this up,_ I keep telling myself. _Do not fuck this up._

“Let’s hope you don’t almost die again this time,” one of the guards chuckles once they get closer. Their hands start reaching out for me, and angrily I clench my fists. My whole body’s shaking from exertion, but I can’t collapse now.

_One chance... One chance._

I put as much force as I can into my arm as I punch one guard right in the neck. The other tries to grab me, but my sudden lack of balance gives me leeway. I trip the other with my extended legs, and I immediately see their weapon. I take it swiftly, just as the other guard pins me down.

I’m struggling under its weight, but one thought in my mind keeps me going. I can’t fuck this up, and I can’t let my entire planet become a wasteland. With the weapon loaded and the arm holding it still held down, I point the barrel as close to the fallen Galra as I can before pulling the trigger.

Their body twitches as they’re dying, and I realize that where I’ve shot them is making their last moments incredibly painful. As the guard on top of me gets distracted, he releases my arm, and I go for the body part that’s closest to me.

His throat.

I grip it tightly and quickly take my other arm to grab his mouth. I don’t want his strangling to alert the guards further. It won’t take them long to respond to the gunshot, either.

As much as I want to tear everyone in this prison in half, I feel a bit pitiful for these guards. They probably didn’t think that when they woke up this morning they would be killed by a prisoner. But to that, I say that I don’t give a shit. I didn’t think that when I got that dreaded phone call four years ago that I would watch all of my fellow soldiers die and then become a guinea pig for these sadistic fucks.

I feel him go limp in my arms, and I struggle to slither back from underneath his weight. I barely have enough strength to get up on my feet, but I can’t blow the chance I have now. I’ve been so adjusted to my fight-or-flight strength since my imprisonment that I never realized how weak I truly was from malnutrition.

Beads of sweat form on my temple, and the itchy feeling of it trickling down the side of my face is agonizing. Holding my breath, I check for any signs of life coming from either end of the hall. Their footsteps start to pause, and my face may very well be turning blue when I finally hear their march continue. I don’t any more time to waste, and while the cell is still open and the change of the guard begins, I bolt out of there as quickly as I can.

I’ve memorized the way out of here after hundreds of times being transported from my cell to the lab. It’s a quick run down the hall and a flight of stairs, but from there, I’ll need to do some critical thinking. The guards aren’t watching the area during this quarter since I’d just killed the sentries for this post, so I’m golden as I reach the way out.

There are several other prison cells near this area, and some of them I’ve never seen before. One of them in particular, however, gives me chills just feeling his eyes on me.

Sendak.

He’s a Galra prisoner. Supposedly, he’s been locked up in here long before the Galaxy Garrison arrived on Daibazaal. He was in here for slaughtering families in a nearby town, and Zarkon and Haggar kept him tightly locked away in this mass security prison. They’d been experimenting on him, just like they had been doing the same to me. He’s been in a more advanced stage, and his modified arm is several times the size of the new addition to my body. He also has a cyborg eye. We were forced to do fights and simulations together during my stay here.

He hates me.

He knows who I am. He knows that I’m trying to escape. He knows what I’ve done to get this far just by looking at my guilty conscience. Sendak’s eyes pierce into my side. I can feel his cruel grin as I look towards the atrium stairs leading up to the surface. The vindictive way he gets up from his cot and just _stares_ at me gives away his own guilty conscience. He’s holding onto the bars now, extending a few large fingers from his artificial hand through the slits. His bared teeth within his sinister smile make me certain of one thing.

I must run. Now.

“Guards!” he cries out in mock alarm, but I can tell from his narrowed eye that he intended to cause me serious turmoil. “Guards, a prisoner is escaping!”

I bolt it up the stairs. My legs are under so much strain, and I know I’m not going to last long. But I need to get out of here. There isn’t much time, and I have to warn everyone on Arus of the danger that’s coming for this planet. I can almost taste the satisfaction of freedom on my tongue. It’s enough to quench myself for a few more moments.

I hear more guards following me now. They’re much faster, their footfalls heavier. My strength and stamina are dwarfed in comparison to theirs. My heart’s pounding. I’m _so close!_

The door at the top of the steps welcomes me with open arms. I hurry to try and open it, and it’s locked! I can’t get it open! My breathing hitches and I hear the ferocious tones to the guards’ voices as they’re getting closer to catching me.

Sirens blare throughout the facility, and an automated voice that makes me cringe every time I’ve heard it on the PA system makes itself known. If I thought I didn’t have enough time before, I sure as hell don’t have enough now.

_“Alert: Prisoner escaping.”_

Whimpers bubble from within my throat. I need to think quickly, or then I will find that my terrific feat will suddenly come to an end.

I hear a combination being punched in at the other end of the door, and I gasp aloud. Someone’s right there! I can’t let them grab me!

As soon as the doors open and another guard comes face to face with me, I clench my right fist as well as I can—despite the lack of adjustment—and go right for the face. I feel no pain in my hand, even after the brawl earlier, and the realization of that fucking scares me. All that my senses can register from that punch is the eerie clang of metal that I hear when it collides with the Galra guard.

I can’t register what I’ve just done any further, though. I hear gunfire behind me, and in front of me, everyone has their weapons drawn and aimed at my head. Despite this threat, I continue to make a run for it.

I don’t even know where the exit to this ship is! I don’t know where I’m going or if I need a combination just to escape here. But I do know that I at least have taken the first step. It’s relieving, but I still can’t bring myself to cry. It’s not like I even have the time to, anyways.

I feel something burn through the fabric of my clothes and skin as someone tries shooting me in the leg. It almost gives out, but I manage to regain some semblance of a stride, even if I’m starting to slow down.

Another shot. The laser zaps at the side of my ankle. It hurts so badly, but just turning the corner and sprinting is enough to buy myself a little bit more time. There must be dozens, if not hundreds of guards on my tail. I feel the blood from the wound in my ankle soaking my footwear that I refuse to consider calling shoes, and I know I’m leaving a trail on the floor. It’s even more of a dead giveaway as to where I’m going.

Finally, I see an airlock door at the end of this hall. I know we’re on Arus now, so I don’t have to worry about a vacuum tearing my body apart. All I need to do is get through that door, and I’m free. Even though I’m willing my muscles to give myself a smile to radiate how hopeful I feel right now, it’s a much more difficult task than I’d realized. I need to channel all of my energy to my legs and keep it there.

The guards are coming at me closer and I can hear them shooting at me again. One shot flies right past my head, and when I watch it hit the pin pad alongside the wall, causing the doors to slide right open, I internally rejoice after experiencing such a wonderful stroke of luck. My heart skips a beat as I try and take a leap to keep myself trudging forward. I make it to the door, let out a strained cry as I jump over the threshold, and my face immediately falls when I don’t feel a ground underneath me.

I plunge feet first down the side of the ship. I hadn’t realized that it hadn’t landed and was just hovering hundreds of yards above the ground, but currently, I don’t care. We’re right over an ocean, and that will be enough to break my fall. They’re still shooting at me, and I try to dodge their lasers best I can. Everything goes silent as I just try to breathe. I need to _breathe._

I let my mind go blank and keep my legs straight during my plummet down, and I briefly think about how close I’d been just to reach the end of my road so soon before I feel the icy cold water stab at my wounded skin. I sink deeper and deeper into the current once my entire weight plunges down, but I make an extreme effort to reach the surface. I definitely didn’t take that deep of a breath before going under, because my lungs are already _screaming._ They’re screaming at me and struggling to get the air I so desperately need, and I’ve constantly kept depriving them of that right for so long.

The pressure squeezes at my insides, and I struggle to open my eyes just to see if I’m any closer to the surface. It feels so much further away than I realize, and my eyes burn from the contact with the salty water. It’s almost as excruciating as how my ankle feels.

I almost black out from how hard I gasp when I’m finally able to get a gulp of air. Reaching the surface alone made me even wearier, and I desperately look around for land. A couple hundred feet away, there’s a rocky shoreline.

My entire body agonizes over the efforts of swimming, and I constantly have to kick my legs despite the burning sensation in my wound. The salt water makes my hair stick to my neck, and that’s the first time I realize just how long it’s gotten while I was held captive and unable to get basic hygienical care. I probably smell horrible, as well.

With every heaved breath I let in and out, I feel myself inching closer and closer to giving up. This fight is just too _hard_ to win. Why is it that when I finally see the outdoors again, the elements already are trying to kill me? It’s not much different out here as it was on that ship!

I feel more shuddering pain from the scarred-up infection in the flesh portion of my modified arm. I want to take this hideous machine off, but no matter how hard I’d tried to while trapped in that cell, I just couldn’t do it! This setting won’t make much of a difference at all. If anything, it’d just make my efforts turn out even worse.

When I reach the shore at long last, I grip onto the rocky surface and try to heave myself up. My arms are shaking terribly, and they’ll give out any minute. I can’t let myself be submerged again! I won’t have the strength to swim back up.

With one final heave, I pull myself up just enough to grab protruding grooves in the stones. They’re slippery, but my grip is like iron. Fight-or-flight takes over again. I pull with all my might before curling against the stones, shivering hard and collapsing. It feels so much more comfortable lying here than it ever did on that filthy cot.

I will myself not go unconscious. It’s hard to, after all the trial’s I’ve been through without rest. My chest keeps contracting as I’m struggling to breathe, and I’m trying to relax from the exertion. I keep forgetting to go in and out, _in_ and _out..._ My body is still shaking.

I’m free. I’m wounded, but I’m _alive._ I’m _home._ Now I can warn everyone of what’s going on. And Keith...

Keith!

I look at my hand, feeling great relief at seeing the ring is still on my finger. I can’t even tell you how I’d managed to still keep it, after all this time and losing all my other belongings.

I can go back to him. I can warn him first, and he’ll be able to help me. Will he be happy to see me? Will he want to get the wedding started right away?

Did he even wait for me?

I panic as that thought crosses through to my senses. I can’t think like that. He _did_ wait for me. I know he did. I need to see him as soon as possible.

I look at the world that I’d been away from all this time. I’d spent many nights dreaming of coming back here. Despite the Galaxy Garrison being completely obliterated, I still have a glimmer of hope for anyone else that has the strength and power to combat these beasts and help save the world. It was a dream that I have built what was left of my sanity on. It was what kept me from dying in there. I wanted to see the world again.

The skies above me are a smoggy gray. They look like someone had taken every exhaust pipe from every vehicle in the world and pointed it up at the clouds. I couldn’t see the sun, but I knew it was still daytime. At least, according to the quarterly patrols, the Galra guards had been following all afternoon leading up to this point. Then again, I was swimming for what felt like hours.

When I can finally feel my legs again, I struggle to stand and look at my surroundings. Most of the area is blocked by the stone ledges, so I force myself to climb. All my muscles and joints are screaming for me to stop, but I must not rest any longer. I can’t rest until I know I’m safe.

I feel the furthest from safe that anyone can possibly get.

The black sand underneath my feet confuses me. Although I knew these types of beaches exist, I’d never seen one around here before. And now that I notice what the choppy waves of the ocean against the shores look like, I realize that the water is the darkest I’ve ever seen it. Although the texture indicated that it definitely was water I swam in, just from experiencing the powerful currents, the appearance of it made it look more like toxic sludge than actual water.

_Home._ I have to go home. Keith’s the first person I know that can help me. He’ll be able to rehearse with me what I need to say to the world leaders. And most importantly, I need to get medical help. Considering my infection, my wound, and the outrageous state I must be in with concern to hygiene, doctors will be all over me when starting any and all procedures. Then I realize that I will be interacting with humans for the first time in _years._ It feels like a dream come true, but it’s also a nightmare at the same time.

I turn to the direction of town, letting memory guide me to where I need to go. I’m running on autopilot, for once not entirely worried about being spotted. I’ll be fine, I tell myself. I’m all alone out here, and nothing can harm me.

Wait.

_I’m all alone._

This area was always so busy before the attack. I hadn’t seen a single vehicle for several miles. The houses are barren, the windows all broken up and the wind howling while moving in and out of the open spaces. I don’t hear any people. Not a single soul is out here.

Then I look ahead of me, just to see the city outskirts. It breaks my heart to see the sight, and I give out again from the weight of my own body while I’d stopped moving. Never in all my life did I ever think that I would see the world I knew most turn into a goddamn wasteland.

And yet, that is all I see before me.

_I’m too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and find me.
> 
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dangerous, wounded and wandering around a crumbling world by yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This chapter has the excerpt that I used for claims! And it's also the whole reason this fic exists. I came up with the idea based off what happens within it.  
> And the Leeches are something legitimately created from my nightmares.
> 
> ... That's all. Enjoy!

_“Hello?”_

_My heart races as I_ walk along the sidewalks of the empty city. Skyscrapers I once knew all the names of were crumbled down to nothing but rubble. I’m trying to convince myself that there may still be one last glimmer of hope, but that notion is dwindling fast.

“Hello?” I rasp out again, trying to speak louder but it’s just no use. “Anyone there?!”

The only answer I get is another loud gust of wind.

It’s agonizing.

“Keith?” I’m reaching the corner where my apartment building stands, or—where it once stood.

I look at the ruins of my old home. Keith and I lived on the eighth floor, wanting a nice view of the city without being too high up. It’s all just a pile of bricks and dust now.

“Keith!” I cry in vain, wanting to look for him. He _has_ to be somewhere. I can’t be truly alone on this planet. He’s somewhere nearby. He has to be! He can’t be gone!

I don’t want to think this is real. This is all just another nightmare I was having, and any minute now I’ll wake up from it and shake while sitting up in my outrageously uncomfortable cot. That’s all this is! It can’t be any more than that!

I pinch myself in the arm. Just touching myself in any way is enough to send shivers down my spine. I look around again at my surroundings. I’m still in the barren city.

My lip quivers as I pinch myself again. What if I truly am all alone here? What if the Leeches killed everyone while I was imprisoned? And Keith... What if I’m the last human left on Earth? That cruel question is what hurts the most.

“Please! Anyone!” I hear my voice crack from the strain and shake as I collapse to my knees. I’m right in front of a hospital. I can tell right away that the facts haven’t changed. I’m still all alone.

The silence that follows my pleas chills me to the bone. Letting out a frustrated cry, I make a conscious effort not to hit the nearest thing. It’s the ground. I already have one fake hand, and I don’t need another one.

“H-help...”

I don’t think I can walk any further. That doesn’t stop me from trying. Just from everything I’ve gone through alone, I realize that there are no excuses. You don’t get any excuses when you’re asked of so much but can only give _that_ much. It’s a cruel, gross fact of life.

My faltering footsteps echo through the empty halls as I step inside. I’m immediately uneasy. Hospitals are never vacant. It’s so dark in here, too, and I don’t even know where to begin with treating myself. Dragging myself upstairs to find a ward— _any_ ward—I collapse once again in the nearest operating room I find.

Just as I’d feared, most of the tools in here are either dull or rusty. Antibiotics are in low supply. I have to work with what I have. Ripping my footwear off and tugging up the leotard practically glued to my body from still being dampened, I look at what they’ve done to my ankle first.

It’s a grazing, really. And it’s been aggravated by the seawater. I can patch it up just fine with bandages. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to heal, or how long it will be before I can walk properly on this foot again. It’s something that I’ll have to worry about later. I sit on the operating table and grab whatever’s left of the obscure, blurred out bottles of medicine.

I’m sure my pained cries can be heard reverberating off the walls throughout the hospital. Why can’t I just keep quiet? I see a few dirty rags adjacent to the tools beside me, and I shove one of them in my mouth to keep myself from screaming too loudly again. At this point, I don’t give a single shit about cleanliness. I never planned to draw attention to myself, but nevertheless, I am a wounded animal.

All the bandages here aren’t in any better condition than the rag I’m using to gag my mouth. They’ll be some temporary help for myself. I have to hold onto anything in my path at this point just to be able to move around, my whole body still shaking. I’m so cold... so parched.

When I find a room to stay in and rest, I hurry into the bathroom to have some water. There is no mirror—the glass is all over the floor and sink. It cuts at my hand while I turn on the faucet.

The water is black.

Grimacing, I move out of there immediately. Water can wait a little bit longer, I suppose. Inside the bed, I feel bugs crawling all over my body, but it’s still much more comfortable than the cot. Even if they’re biting at me. I just focus on trying to keep warm, but even while I’m frozen in bed it doesn’t stop intrusive thoughts from flooding in.

This world wasn’t perfect, by any means. But it’s always been so familiar to me. There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine never being able to walk around Arus and just enjoy the scenery and fresh sounds of life. What I would give just to experience that again now. I wouldn’t ever wish this devastating silence on anyone. Never.

It’s hopeless. I strongly believe that. It’s hopeless to try and think of a better future when there isn’t a chance of one occurring. There isn’t even a single chance of me being able to enjoy just one happy day of resting, hanging out at the beach, or going to the gym. I’m never going to be able to enjoy sitting at home with loved ones having hearty feasts and talking about what’s been going on with our days. Keith and I will never have our wedding. We’ll never get to grow old together. These intrusive, “what could have been” scenarios suddenly cloud my head. These thoughts are self-aware, and they know that there’s never going to be a moment of peace for me. How can there be? My planet is a lost cause.

My immediate family is probably long gone now, too. I wouldn’t have a single person to contact, even if I wanted to look to a hopeful future. There is nowhere for me to go now. I’m just one man living in this lonely world stuck in this lonely hospital, thinking about how much time I have left in the world before this bitter loneliness finally sucks me dry and eats at me from the inside out.

I curl deeper into the hospital bed. The blankets are doing nothing to warm my body up. All I can hope for is that sleep will be able to welcome me with open arms instead of torturing and punishing me like it has been for the past four years.

I have no such luck.

 

 _I find myself traveling back to_ a time where I thought that maybe there was still some type of hope left for me. Maybe a rescue squad found out where I was and came help me. I’d held onto that faint hope for so long, but I now wish that I could tell my past self that help was never going to come.

Haggar liked my physique. Supposedly, she admired my strength and agility, and she wanted to test the limits of my body by any means possible. She didn’t ask many questions about my experience with the Leeches, but what other reason would they have to capture me? She just wanted to play with me. I was some kind of toy to the lot of them.

I was stuck in a glass room, where I couldn’t see outside of the walls but knew that people were talking to me and about me through the intercom that I still don’t know where the speakers to were located. Everything around me was bright white, the fluorescent lights blinding me every time I happened to let them catch my attention. My head often burned from the surface contact.

_“Subject 4129 subjugated to L-67 Test Number One. Initiating simulation.”_

Haggar’s grating voice was all I’d heard before machines whirred to life and compartments opened up from the floor. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I do know that what happened next was something that I would think about for the next couple years of my life. Black substance started to rise, hovering over the floor like a giant mass.

My eyes widened at the sight.

“No... N-not again!”

I wasn’t even armed! I looked around for something that could help me, but there wasn’t a single weapon. I was trapped in here with another Leech, and I didn’t know how to stop it!

It came right for me, still hovering there above the ground. I turned back to run but was quickly met by the wall after only running a couple meters. I turned around to figure out what else I needed to do to keep them away. There already seemed to be nothing that could be done.

“N-no, no!” I kept shaking my head and went to run to the other end of the room. The glass room was much tighter than I suspected. I was boxed in, with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide!

The mass grabbed my leg!

I screamed and tried to kick it off me. I didn’t want to be completely consumed like those spacecrafts were on that day. I didn’t want to die here! I kept kicking and struggling, and it was just no use. The mass was just going up my leg, up to my knee, all over my hips, and it was _covering_ me and _eating me!_

_“The subject is useless. Test failed.”_

Haggar’s cold tone chilled me to the bone when I heard it over the intercom. But the mass was still slithering up my torso. It felt sharp and menacing! I kept trying to fight it.

_“Release the gas.”_

Her words echoed in my mind ominously. Before I could speak, the entire room filled with this horrible gas. My lungs immediately clenched and trembled just from breathing it in, and I kept gagging on the air as finally the black substance around me began to disintegrate. It was then that I found out that this wasn’t the real thing. This gas wouldn’t kill a Leech. It would just stun them temporarily.

I collapsed on the ground and kept struggling to breathe. It was all so much, and my chest felt so heavy. Not a single breath I could take would help cleanse my body of these toxins. I was blacking out, feeling life drain further and further away from me.

 

 _My screams fill the silent void_ of the hospital room as I shoot up from the bed. My body is so weak that I collapse right back down, hard. My whole body is still shivering, even after spending what feels like only a couple hours lying here and sleeping. And yet, despite my freezing temperature, I’m also profusely sweating. These nightmares are going to kill me one day.

It takes me a while before my breathing slows to a healthy rate, just for it to try and accommodate to the cold I was feeling. My health is constantly being tested. I’m so thirsty and hungry, but efforts will be in vain if I try and find provisions in my condition. I know that now.

Lying in bed is doing me no good. I decide to walk around, hoping that exercise will be helpful. I realize quickly that it’s the worst thing for me, but I’m too stupid to know when to quit. My legs keep threatening to give out, and I’m another step closer to collapsing again. Trudging onward proves to be a difficult task.

I don’t feel as well as I’d hoped I would. Then again, I don’t do very well when it comes to rest. Who has the time to rest during the end of the world? I lean against the wall and struggle to form a few more breaths. God, the smell of my own breath makes me want to vomit again. Being hyper-aware of my senses is never a good thing for me. If I ever find a shelter that will do me of great service and try not to kill me, the first thing I’m going to do is brush my teeth and cut my hair. I have no clue how long it even is, but I’m sure that it’s to my shoulders. I don’t even try to feel it, knowing it will be a painful experience since I can never take care of myself.

Within my momentary distraction, I glance down at my arm. The fake one. Its metallic qualities make me cringe. I still hate it. When I was being experimented on in the simulation rooms, sometimes it glowed. I’m not sure why. It just did. It’s something that always bothered me.

I’m thinking about it too hard. That’s the only reason that I can gather when it suddenly starts to glow again. It’s a bright tint of pink, and it illuminates the whole hallway. To keep the light on, there’s this electrical hum. It sounds like a test tone at sixty hertz, but it should not be coming from my _arm._

My stomach turns at the sound. No arm should make that noise. I don’t want this as a part of my body. It kills me to know that they’d done this to me... I quickly cover my mouth as my stomach churns again at the memory. I quickly look away from it and try to breathe. I can’t throw up on the floor. I’m surprised that I even have anything _left_ in my body to do that.

It seems that my walk down the hall only manages to take me a couple meters. My feet are like lead as I struggle to walk back to the bed. Something inside my room, however, makes me immediately tense. There’s something watching me.

I don’t know how long it’s been there, nor how long it’s noticed me for, but it’s there. It’s looking at me with gray eyes, its darkened form cast even further back by the shadows of the dark corner. It stares into my soul, threatening me with nothing more than its eyes.

_Leech!_

I don’t know how my body does it, but it finds the strength that I need to make a quick sprint for it. My fears were correct. It’s moved away from its hiding space and started to chase after me. I run down the stairs, nearly stumbling a few times. My body is so weak. It’s so fucking weak, and I can’t take much more of this! But I _have_ to. I need to, if I want to live.

My feet are burning as I run outside and down the sidewalk, and that’s also because I’ve completely gotten rid of my footwear. I can feel cuts and scratches at the bottom of them, but I can’t think about how that feels right now. I can’t think of the way my calves heave while I’m keeping a sprinting pace down the road, either.

I don’t realize until after I’ve jumped over a fallen traffic light that with each step I take and each movement of my already battered body, I’m screaming from the pain of just putting my body through even _more_ turmoil. I’m screaming from fear and intense agony. And despite wasting my energy on letting these screams out, I find that the louder I do it, the less likely I am to completely collapse and give out. It’s a motivator, as well as it is yet another indicator that I’m still kicking.

I hear the Leech shriek behind me. Banshees’ screams would dwarf compared to this hellish sound. It motivates me even further to continue faster, strafing left to right to keep up with debris and to try and confuse the monster behind me. The city outskirts welcome me, and I try and think of where exactly I need to run to.

Do I go to the ocean again? I’m sure that it won’t follow me there. But then I remember how much my body temperature dropped since the last time I went in. It’d do more harm for me than anything else. Do I go back to the suburbs, just outside of here? As I think of that, I know that there isn’t really anywhere for me to hide in for long. It’s also supported by the fact that almost all the windows in each house are now nonexistent. It would find me in a heartbeat.

I see a wooded area further ahead, and it gives me a plan. I turn the corner, the grass soothing the aches in my bleeding feet. But it’s almost as if the Leech knows and plans for my every move, and it’s coming for me faster and faster with each second that passes. That, and the fatigue I’m still very much feeling is also trying to warn me to stop. But I can’t stop, if I want to stay alive.

As I’m getting further into the woods, I notice a barrier in the distance. It looks like giant walls of metal. Maybe it’s shelter! Maybe people are in there! Could it be? I don’t have time to catch my breath, but I laugh out a sound of relief while trying to pick up even more of a running start. It’s my reward! It’s calling to me and welcoming me out in the distance!

My celebratory sprint suddenly ends when I find that this barrier doesn’t have a single door to let me in. It’s completely barred by steel. I rush to it while I still have time, not sure how much further back the Leech is from me. My throat aches from my wheezing as I try and bang on the door.

“Please! Let me in! I need sanctuary, _please_!” I cry as I keep hitting the door with no change in results. I just want someone to hear me and know that I’m there, begging for them to save me!

The Leech lets out another shriek, letting me know that it’s right behind me. I quickly turn, my breaths coming out in even shorter pants. It’s almost dangerously rapid. Instead of lunging at me right away, it just watches me. It’s like it’s reveling in my fear and panic. Maybe it feeds off of that, too, but I have no willpower in me to keep it at bay in the dark corners of my mind. I don’t have the strength to. It’s getting closer to me, giving me a grin and a mocking look in its eyes while it tilts its head. Even when trying to grin at me, there’s no sign of life or emotion that follows through. It’s mimicking human emotion without even understanding the meaning behind what kind of faces it’s making.

It makes its first lunge towards me. I let out a cry as I flinch away from it best I can. I fall on the ground and start backing away while using my entire body to do so. My legs aren’t working for me that much anymore. My arms tug me back further and further away from it, and I use them as my primary source of strength. Dirt gets under my fingernails while I heave myself back, and its head turns to me and just watches me struggle again.

I hate the way that it taunts me.

Before I have any more time to register what’s happening, it’s got me. Its entire mass is on top of me, pinning me down and grinning down at me. Its pale skin glows in the smoggy sunset, and its aura is sickening. It’s trying to dig at my senses with all it’s worth.

It’s my only chance to struggle. I don’t want it to bite me! I kick at its form, but it doesn’t do much of anything except confuse the monster. Despite my efforts, it tightens its hold on me. The screams I would be letting out are trapped in my throat.

It lunges at me still with these dead, unblinking eyes. I’ve kicked at it and struggled under its weight, feeling its hot breath torturing my sweaty skin for the past several minutes. I can’t shake it off. I need to get it off of me!

With one last bit of strength that I’m not sure where the hell it came from, I hurry to clench my fist. It’s my last resort as it glows that sickening tint that makes me ill just looking at it. As the Leech bares its teeth and goes to bite, I give it my all with one last hit.

My hand stiffens as it goes right for the throat. The blood-curdling groan the creature emits will haunt me rest of my life. But I need to continue taking it down until it’s over. I have the right of way and pin it down to the floor. It struggles underneath the weight of my hips, but I can’t let it have the upper hand again. I keep my fist tightly clenched with a fiery light full of fury in my eyes as I pound it down against its skull.

Its jaw splits, and its eye bulge, and it continues to just _stare_ at me with this look of horror, like somehow _I’m_ the bad guy here. I’m not going to let that tactic get to me. I punch it again, putting so much force into it that I start shouting out strained cries in the process. I feel like no matter how hard I try, it will not stay down.

It screams and screams as blood as black as tar splatters against the ground and sprays against my hardened face. The hand I’m using to keep this bastard pinned is gripping so tightly that my knuckles are turning white. Despite all of these efforts, it _still_ won’t give up. It will not fucking _die!_

No matter how hard I try, it isn’t enough. Even as I’m screaming and bashing its head into a disgusting pulp, it will not give. It gurgles and chokes on its own blood as it breathes.

“Just! Fucking! DIE!”

Hot tears pool out of my eyes, stinging me and temporarily misting my vision. It doesn’t hinder the continuous fight that I’m putting up with it. It’s still lying there, its hand twitching. But now, with its jaw torn off and its lolling in every direction, I make its mangled face move, at least I am comforted to note that it will not be making any fatal attacks any time soon.

Even when it stops twitching, I can’t bring myself to trust that its clock finally ticked its last second. I know better. I know that in just a few moments, it will stand right back up. Maybe it will even heal itself, even without its bottom jaw. My victory is not going to last very long. I should have realized while I was beating it senseless that it really wasn’t going to do much. But when adrenaline that intense hits you, sometimes you forget things and don’t think as clearly as you normally do.

I still feel eyes watching me as my entire body shakes even more. I can’t put up any more fights. I won’t be able to last very long. I’m growing dizzier, colder, and I collapse beside the stunned Leech.

In my last moments, there isn’t much I can really think about. My life doesn’t flash before me to reminisce happy times. All I can think about is the pain I’ve been experiencing the past few years, and how _finally_ my struggle is over.

I just wished that I was able to live to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me.  
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't recognize the reflection staring back at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In here is by far my favorite scene to write for this fic! Can you guess which one??  
>  I love tearing hearts!

_“...Shiro?”_

_While I’m losing consciousness, I’m constantly_ being pulled in and out of my senses. All I can really hear clearly is the sound of my labored breathing. Everything else is so muffled, even as it’s happening in the foreground. I see someone hovering above me, but it’s so blurry that I can’t pinpoint any descriptors. All I really know is that oddly enough, they somehow know my name.

_“Please... stay with me.”_

I can feel the vibrations of more footsteps thundering towards me. I can’t tell where they’re coming from, and it just feels like it’s from all directions. More figures are hovering over me, and yet I cannot see their faces as I’m blacking in and out.

Their voices aren’t very clear, either.

_“...you sure?”_

_“I saw it...two eyes. He...!”_

“...H-help me,” I rasp out. I try and will my muscles to reach out to the people talking to me, but it’s no use. I can’t move. I’m so cold.

That first person I heard, the one that sounds so familiar that it’s tearing at my heartstrings, hushes me and places their head on my chest before directing the other figures. The only color I can see is red.

 _“Hang in there, Shiro,”_ they then whisper to me. That surprisingly is clear to me. _“You’re gonna be okay... We’ll help you.”_

_“Quick! Move...lemme...him. Let’s...inside. We have to tell the others!”_

I feel large hands scoop me up, and that’s the last thing my senses pick up before I release one last exhale and give in to the darkness.

 

* * *

 

 _The harshness of the fluorescent lights_ in the simulation room made me cringe. I diverted my eyes away and looked down at the ground. That wasn’t much help for me, either, since the whiteness of the entire room was enough to knock me over sideways.

_“Subjects 284 and 4129 subjugated to L-67 Test Number Seven. Initiating Simulation.”_

_284?_ My heart raced. There was someone else coming into this glass room? This room couldn’t possibly fit two people in here at once! I didn’t even know if this person I was going to either fight with or defend alongside with was even _human._ For all I knew, it could be a _real_ Leech! I never was able to know what to expect.

That was when I saw _him_ for the first time.

Sendak was raised up from a compartment in the ground, and he was a terrifying sight to behold. The Galra being dwarfed me in size, and like I’d described prior, he already had his modifications after being in here much longer than I’d been. It was chilling, seeing him for the first time.

He didn’t acknowledge my existence. As soon as the Leech replicas were introduced into the room, it was like I didn’t even exist. He shoved me right into the wall to get after these monsters, and I collapsed from the shock of pain I felt in my back. He was so strong, so much more powerful than I was. I was about to let him take care of all the fighting himself because clearly, I wasn’t very good at it. Maybe I could help him think of a plan to stop these monsters once and for all. It might help us prepare for the real deal! It was worth a shot to try it.

“284!” I called, still winded from the impact. At that point, I didn’t know his name yet. “T-try and get at them with your arm! It’s much stronger.”

He then just... stared at me. It was like I was speaking a foreign language to him. But I knew he could understand me because he grinned at me after I’d spoken to him. We were completely surrounded, but he just stopped dead in his tracks.

I was prey to him, I’d realized in that moment.

Baring his sharp teeth, he suddenly raised his enormous arm up in the air. It glowed that disgusting pink tint, maybe even with hints of red overlaying it. It glowed bright and menacing, and all of a sudden, everything in the little glass room froze.

All attention was on me, I realized. Everything was pointed towards me. I didn’t have much luck with fighting these things, to begin with, but I knew in that moment that this was going to end horribly for me.

They charged at me in an instant. I was left powerless as several fake Leeches grabbed at my limbs and began to pull. Their eyes weren’t as intense and sinister as the real ones, but it still bore into me with a dark fire to them.

Haggar’s voice then echoed in my ears as they were still tugging at me.

_“Subject 284 had success with their ending results. 4129 failed again. Release the gas.”_

Even as they were all pulling on me and Sendak was hurtling towards me with a loud growl, I had even more to worry about as the gas filled the room again. Sendak had held his breath and clenched the fist of his enormous hand, going to strike—

_I can’t breathe!_

What happened next was entirely different from what happened in the actual memory. Sendak came down on my right arm with a ferocious chop. It was stabbing and intense, and I could almost feel the cracking and tears in the muscles and bone.

I must be _dreaming._

_The air fills my lungs as_ soon as I wake up, and while it should be the most satisfying feeling in the world, it terrifies me even further. Using one gulp of air, I let out a shout as I wake. I flinch my arm from whatever is trying to stab at it, because it still _hurts!_

“Hey, hey, relax!”

Hearing the new voice startles me. My breath wavering, I look straight ahead. That face, that voice, those eyes... I must be dreaming. It can’t be!

He looks at me with this concerned, pained expression on his face. He’s reaching out to touch me but faltering. It’s like he’s not sure he should come any closer.

I can’t believe it.

“...Keith?”

He nods, his eyes watering as he gives me the best smile he can muster. “Hi, Shiro.”

“Y-you’re alive...” I shiver while staying still on the bed. I can barely move.

“Everyone said you were dead,” he chokes. “On the news, they said there no survivors on Daibazaal. But I knew it couldn’t be true. I knew you’d come back. Shiro...”

This should be the happiest moment of my life. I should be leaping for joy, holding onto him with all my might. But... I can’t. I can’t move, and I find that I’m too scared to touch him. After knowing what damage I’m capable of now, what if I hurt him?

He’s not wearing any clothes as he’s propped beside me, rubbing what appears to be more medicine onto my arm. Come to think of it, I’m not wearing any clothes, either. I look down at myself in great confusion, my brows furrowing.

“You went into shock,” Keith then mumbles as he is careful not to touch the prosthetic. “Your body was freezing cold to the touch.”

“I...” I haven’t used my voice to speak in a normal conversation in so long, and I don’t even know where to begin! “H-how did you find me?”

“ _You_ found _us_.”

“Us?” I blink.

“Our base,” he simply explains as he adjusts the bandages. “You were banging outside on the barrier. Now, move over. Lemme look at your ankle.”

I struggle to sit upright and move up the blanket. With the bandages off it, I see that it’s all black and covered in pus. I have two major infections and most likely hypothermia, not to mention that there are probably other serious things wrong with my health. No wonder why I can barely move.

I grip onto the sheets of the bed as he covers the wound in more medicine. It stings horribly! I start to squirm, until Keith’s free arm comes down on my legs, his elbow jabbing into my shin. I don’t have the time to pause and just register that I’m on a _bed._ And I’m _alive?_

“F-fuck...” I groan through gritted teeth while my toes curl.

“You’re telling me,” he chuckles. “You’re a walking disaster.” He gets up after bandaging up the wound again and washes his hands.

“You... have clean water?” I rasp.

“Relatively clean,” he warns. “We have a well. It’s safe enough to use, but I wouldn’t drink it straight from the tap. I don’t trust it that much.”

Keith sighs and grabs some distilled bottles that I can’t see where he’d gotten them. I’m still too weak to get up, but I allow myself to feel the embrace of rest for a little while longer.

He holds an opened bottle up to me, and I’m immediately reminded of my horribly dangerous level of dehydration. “Drink.”

I take a gulp that must’ve been too fast because I start to choke. In response, Keith holds my head up while I’m drinking. The water feels so cool and soothing going down my throat, and it still is refreshing as some of it runs down my cracked lips and past my chin.

“H-how long have I been out?” I stammer in between sips.

He doesn’t address me until I’ve finished what I can of the bottle. “Three days.”

My eyes widen. “Must’ve been serious, huh?”

“Are you kidding me?” He shakes his head. “You look like you’ve been through hell. What happened out there, Shiro?”

It strikes a nerve within me. I’m quick to keep my gaze away from his. I don’t want him to see my thousand-yard stare. “I don’t... I-I don’t wanna talk about it. Not right now. It’s not a very good idea.”

He frowns as he settles back into bed. “I understand.” I guess he notices my cold tremors because he wraps himself around me again. I feel my heartbeat slow to a comfortable pace again. His body feels soothingly warm when wrapped around mine. I can’t help but relax further into his touch, and his head rests against my shoulder. I’m already feeling a lot less anxious.

“A-all I’m saying is,” I rasp, my throat still parched, “I got lucky. I should’ve died right there. The Leech isn’t gonna be stunned for long... it will come after me.”

“How?” he inquires. “A corpse can’t come back to get you.”

A beat. “What...are you saying?”

“Shiro, it’s _dead._ You killed it.”

“B-but that’s not possible.”

“It’s true,” he insists. “We have Pidge looking at the remains for testing. There still has been no sign of it ever regenerating.”

It’s a mortifying realization. I remember how I fought the damn thing. I’d used this monstrosity of an arm to kill it. I’d only bashed its head in! “...How?”

He shrugs. “We’re still trying to figure that out. We’ll need to run some more tests. It’s a huge breakthrough for us. We were never able to get a sample of a Leech before, let alone a whole body.”

It’s taking a lot more effort to stay awake now. Not to mention that all of this is just so much to absorb. “How...?”

 

* * *

 

 _I don’t remember much after that._ I’d dozed off.

The next week went by in such a blur. All I really can recall is that Keith constantly came in to check on me. He’d clean my healing wounds, give me rations of soup and water to drink, and he would fill me in further on what’s going on with my health before I’d fall asleep again.

Not having my strength back was so frustrating. I just wanted to get out of bed and continue moving, but my body was too heavily weighed down. During those few days of recovery, I was able to sit up on my own, but my legs still felt detached from my body.

“You look different,” I’d commented one day as he was feeding me soup. “Did you grow out your hair?”

“I did,” he chuckled. “I knew you’d like it.”

“Of course.” I watched him and shuddered a bit. Some chills went through my body. “When am I going to meet the others?”

“When you can stand up. I’d rather it’s just us two for now. I’m selfish.”

“Extremely,” I teased.

 

 _I start to feel more comfortable_ with Keith again, and yet it’s still not enough for me to willingly talk to him about what happened. I still have many of those memories pushed back.

It wasn’t until the remaining flesh on my one arm looked a little less sickly when I finally could feel my legs. Walking again for the first time proved to be an absolute chore, and I’d be tired out after just a couple moments on my feet. They had the strength of a fawn’s wobbly limbs.

It took two weeks to fully heal. At that point, I’m finally able to properly move around the makeshift infirmary and clean my wounds myself. There are ghastly scabs and scars left in their wake, but I’ll live.

Keith walks in on me dressing them and crosses his arms, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hey, you’re on your feet,” he smiles. “How do you feel?”

“How do I feel?” I croak out in a dry laugh. “Like I’ve been hit by six tractor trailers.”

He shrugs. “At least you weren’t run over.” He walks over to the bed and sets a large back down on it. “This is your care package. We get them weekly. All of your essentials are in here. You name it, it’s in here. I even added some extra things I was able to get to help you look sharp. There’s medicine for your infections in there, as well. Everyone has these sent here, so they’re rationed equally. Don’t waste them, okay?”

I study the contents of the bag as Keith lists them out. I’m still overwhelmed, suddenly realizing that I can do more than just clean my wounds. I can... clean myself up, now. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I haven’t looked at my reflection since... since I left for Daibazaal.  I probably would’ve been able to see myself if that mirror in the hospital room wasn’t completely shattered. But that also means that two years ago was the last time I was able to take care of my own appearance. That’s the most disgusting realization I’ve ever pinpointed.

“...Where’s the bathroom?” I ask slowly.

“Right outside this room,” he assures me. “You can’t miss it. The shower works, but you just need to leave it running hot for a couple minutes first.” He starts to lead me out of the room. “And you gotta use the bottled water instead of the sink to brush your teeth. For when you were ready to get out of bed, I’ve already put a change of clothes for you in there. I got your sizes before the last shipment came.”

“Thank you, Keith. You have no idea how much all you’ve done means to me.”

He carefully clasps my shoulder and keeps giving me eye contact. “It’s the least I can do. I’m still just so relieved you’re alive.”

“Likewise.” I take a deep breath as I step into the bathroom, and Keith walks further down the hall in the opposite direction.

I hold my bag close to my chest. It’s the only thing that will grant me the sweet pleasure of cleansing myself, and I need to protect it at all costs.

I’m too afraid to turn the bathroom light on to strip myself. But as much as I would love to just sit here in the dark, I need to be able to see myself in the mirror to determine the full extent of the damage done to me. Setting the bag down on the floor and standing in front of the sink, I reach over with my handmade of metal and heavily shake while switching the light on. Even then, I don’t want to open my eyes.

I don’t recognize the man staring back at me.

It’s a corpse of what once was, my skin a sickly pale and my face sunken in. All over my body, all I see littering it are scars from experiments and fights with other prisoners. I can remember how exactly I got them and when exactly I’d gotten them. I remember all the long nights I’d spend aching from hunger and feeling like my entire body was on fire.

My hair... A good chunk of my hair is _white._ I’m not even thirty years old yet, and my hair is fucking white! It’s disgustingly thick, too, grown matted and in huge clumps. I suppose, if it was kempt properly, it would be past my shoulders. But the roots are all thickly coated in months of oil and fine grease. There is no saving this hair. It _has_ to be cut.

I don’t even want to look at my mouth. But I _have_ to. It has had some pains within it for a long time, but there was nothing I could really do about that. After all, where the hell was I going to find a dentist in a dungeon? I open it for a forced smile, only to find that my teeth are grossly stained. It’s _wickedly_ putrid, and as I open up to take a closer look, I notice a few gaps in the sides of my mouth from brutal fights where I had to spit out blood and teeth to keep myself from choking in the middle of vicious beatings. My smile is horribly unhealthy. I hope Keith has medicine for gums in my bag because my mouth has a desperate need for it. I don’t even want to think about that, right now.

I suppose with what little food I have been able to eat while recovering, there is enough of it in my stomach to have the urge to cough it back up. Despite not knowing what could’ve happened to me back then, I wish now that I remembered to hide essentials within my uniform so that I would have means of taking care of my body while I was trapped in the cage.

I’m hideous.

Still throwing up in the sink.

The mystery of being able to cry after my showdown with the Leech was baffling enough, but right now I just feel the tears coming and coming, hot against my face. My stomach keeps heaving in on itself and I don’t have the strength to stop it. I’m not sure how long it’s taken, but I can feel the mess in my disgusting hair and leaving its marks on my face.

I’m afraid to look at myself in the mirror again. It’s such a terrible sight. I’m a complete disaster. With tears still running down my face, I fish through the different cabinets and shelves. I just need to find scissors. I don’t even know if they have razors here for my face, but _god_ I need to clean myself up.

The scissors are in the medicine cabinet, as part of an overabundant first aid kit. I quickly snatch them, feeling the dust particles run under my fingertips. Clearly, they haven’t had that much of a need to raid emergency supplies. They must be fully stocked here.

Not enough time to really observe that. I need to keep myself standing upright _just_ long enough to not chop too much of my hair off.

I take a huge, matted clump into my hand, shivering at feeling the gross texture. I can’t believe this has been growing on my head. For _two years._ How dare the Galra get my condition to such a disgustingly low degree! The knots in my hair have a bit of a give to them as I try and force the two angled blades together again. And even then, the clump still hangs from my head.

The whimpers can’t stop themselves from coming. I finally see the clump fall to the floor, after another chance of cutting it off and letting the portion give. I could’ve sworn that it fell with a thud, but I can’t say for certain. It’s disgusting enough.

The next matted portion doesn’t make it get any better. Now littered with fragmented chunks of my own vomit, as well as years of greasy buildup from lack of showers, who _knows_ what else may be hiding in these rats’ nests? There is no saving any of this hair. It shakes me to my very core, just watching the weighted piles plummet down to wherever gravity takes them. I watch them from the mirror. The process is excruciating.

There are a couple more clumps left now, and even then my hairline is horribly uneven. I haven’t even gotten to the bangs, yet. Half of them are that sickly, old white color. It’s nothing that I can really help, but a portion of the blame for my condition falls upon me. If only I’d brought my essentials with me.

Not that I would’ve been able to keep them. The Galra took away all of my possessions the day I was captured.

Maybe I’m just thinking out of my ass. It’s just that I’m still desperately trying to drill the fact that I’ve been broken in the most basic of forms into my mind. As cold of a truth as it is, there was nothing that I could’ve done to stop what they have done to me.

Now, after too long trying to get rid of the wicked clumps, my hair is still all sorts of gross in texture. And ridiculous. Everything is still uneven. I’m hoping that someone here has a razor.

Still crying.

I reach my hand out to shakily touch the mirror. My fingers still shiver against the cold glass, creating minimum smudging while trailing a path from the top of my head to the bottom of the mirror near my chest. There’s so much wrong with my appearance that I can’t even begin to address.

The knock that raps at the bathroom door makes my heart jump to my throat.

_“Shiro?”_

That’s Keith’s voice, speak of the devil. My panicked breathing will not give. “W-what?”

He opens the door slowly, peering his head in.

“Why didn’t you... tell me I looked like this?” I choke.

“I’m sorry.” He shivers while he’s holding a buzzer. “I don’t know why I didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

I worry on my lip and shake my head. “Fuck. I wish you did.”

“I know.” He’s still nervous as he sets the buzzer down by the sink. “I figured this would help. We have power here. And there are a few razors in a basket underneath the sink,” he assures me. “I’ll make this up to you, I swear.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I look at the mess I’d made in the sink. “I can clean this up when I’m done.”

“No. I will.” He looks incredibly sincere as he steps back to leave me alone again. “Now, get yourself cleaned up. When you’re all set, I’ll show you around.”

He leaves the bathroom, and I look at the different tools. I need to just finish the rest of the treatment to my hair. Then I can reward myself with a good scrub down shortly after.

My breath is still shaky as I set it up. I remember the style I used to have before I was captured. I had a typical crew cut, much like the rest of the army had. Instead of going for that again, I figure that a little more than just a small change may be good for me. It will be a way for me to step things up and take a good look at the new and downgraded version of myself.

I keep my mouth squeezed shut. Or at least, as closed as I can possibly make it. I still end up parting my lips while I keep letting out panicky wheezes that lodged from deep in my lungs.

When I finally begin to shave my head, it’s as if an incredible weight has been lifted off me. It’s the one way that I can regain some control of my life. Slowly, but surely. _I’m_ cutting my hair. _I’m_ taking care of _my_ body. _I’m_ making sure I look healthy and thriving, despite what I know deep down about my true mental state. It works as a brief shelter from reality.

I work on an undercut, too, trimming the bangs in front. It’s ten times better than that horrendous, matted look. But I can’t help but feel discouraged that a huge portion of it is white. Maybe I can ask them if I can get hair dye. I don’t need people thinking correctly that my stress is beyond any human capacity.

Shaving my face proves to be a bit difficult. My skin isn’t used to the blades, and I’ve nicked myself once or twice. The wince only hinders me for a few seconds, and I grow more adapted each time. I’m not at that great of a loss. I’ll be able to stop the bleeding while I’m showering.

I observe my appearance again afterward, and I try to push back my original, grotesque reflection deep into my subconscious. I don’t look exactly the same as I did before being captured, but it’s enough to make me feel a little less like a hunched over hermit looking for scraps. I’ll be washing it after attempting to do some dental cleaning.

Keith, fortunately, gave me medicine for my mouth, and I’m so grateful that he knows exactly what I need. I’m hoping that our relationship will feel even more like what it used to be once I’m not so weak anymore and can properly take care of myself.

And here I thought that he wouldn’t want to wait for me. I’d been so stupid to ever doubt him. We were practically _married_ for the past few years, for god’s sake. I’ve missed him so much, and I wish I can just go right back into the swing of things. Right now, it’s far too difficult.

The shower is scalding hot, but it’s just an indicator that I can feel something. Just feeling the water stabbing at my skin is enough to make me feel human again. I feel soothed as my skin turns red from the pressure and temperature. But despite these sensory comforts, I don’t feel clean until I’ve washed myself at least ten times. I keep scrubbing my hair with one hand until I’m satisfied, and my body is raw in several patches of skin where I’ve scrubbed too hard.

The spare clothes he’s given me decently fit, and I feel even more comfortable, for once. After dressing up, I check my mouth again. More medicine is applied to my gums. The more that I use, the quicker and better that I will get. That’s my philosophy. After combing my hair of any more kinks, I stare at my reflection, at the dark circles under my eyes and at the sickly way my face looks dead and hollow.

A dark weight gets forced onto me. Dancing around the mirror, in my vision, is more images of what has led me to this point. It paints an ugly reminder that gets shoved deep into my brain before I even know what hit me.

I feel the scar on the bridge of my nose. It’s from this muzzle that they forced me to wear when I used to bite at my captors as a means of self-defense. Like a dog. I don’t need any more ugly reminders of what kind of savagery I had to reduce myself to.

I’m scared. When I cry again my eyes sting so sharply from the tears. It makes my fists clench on the mere idea that I can be pushed to such a low valley. I think of the reasons why I am here, trapped in this system where I’m fighting for my life and hiding from everything in my subconscious that tries to remind me of what has happened thus far. And these hallucinations alluding back to the past that haunt me in the recesses of my mind kick into high gear.

It takes all my willpower not to take my anger and frustration out on the mirror in front of me. I can’t even begin to think of what I could do to make sure they all pay for what they’ve done.

Despite the fire that is now burning and licking at my insides, I can’t bring myself to exert my limited energy even further. Sealing my promises using my fingers to trace my slightly improved reflection, I then back away with my bag, limping out and setting back onto the bed in the infirmary. I just must wait patiently. My chance for revenge will come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the rest of the team.

_“Now that you’re up and about,_ allow me to show you around.”

It seems like Keith’s base wants to keep me here. He supposedly talked to his boss about me, and they also have a great interest in the technology behind my arm. I recognize a couple names that are among this group. They’re Colonel Holt’s children. I’m stunned every time I hear that even more people than I originally thought are still alive despite the mass destruction. I doubt that the Holts will remember me, but I’m grateful that there’s more familiarity for me.

Keith leads the way and occasionally looks my way to see if I’m keeping up. I’m still internally rejoicing over the fact that my energy, for the most part, has returned. It makes me want to get started right away. There’s so much that I need to do.

“This is the garage,” Keith starts as we enter it. “We’ve been working on different vehicles to help us get around. Unfortunately, we haven’t had any successful Leech-proof ones. But that’s what these tests are for.”

There’s a large man underneath the vehicle, and all I can see for right now is his legs. I have to keep suppressing the sudden rush I feel every time I find that more humans are still alive despite the desolation.

“Dammit!”

I hear the vehicle short circuit, and the engine emits dark puffs of smoke. The man groans out in frustration in between gagging breaths before coming out from underneath it and revealing himself.

“If only I can just get this hunk of shit running!” he growls and gives one of the tires a firm kick. “Oh, hey!” He blushes when seeing that we’re in here watching him. He looks to his work with an embarrassed eye before wiping grease off his hands and onto his stained jacket. “You’re awake!”

As he holds his hand out, I’m nervous to shake it. He wants to use right hands, and I don’t trust my prosthetic enough to do that for him.

“Excuse me,” he chuckles shyly, reaching behind the back of his head to tie the headband on his head tighter. “The name’s Hunk. Hunk Garrett. I’m the tank.”

“He works on all of our equipment. He was an aeronautical engineering student before the apocalypse.”

“I could’ve gotten my Masters, too. But this is all part of the learning process,” he hums as we finally shake hands. He’s gracious enough to switch them for me.

“I’m Takashi Shirogane. But please, call me Shiro, for short.”

“Well, then. Welcome aboard, Shiro!” he grins. “One thing you also gotta note about me is that I can even make a Leech taste good!”

Keith shakes his head. “Please, don’t actually eat a Leech.”

“I don’t plan on it,” I grimace.

Hunk gets back over to the vehicle. “I’d better whip this tin can back into shape. I’m hoping that after more experiments on that Leech body, we can get a protective barrier over our vehicles so we can travel safely and look around for more survivors.”

“Sounds good.” Keith gestures for me to follow him out of the garage.

Before I leave, though, I look back at the vehicle and wave towards Hunk’s grease-stained shoes. “Nice to meet you, Hunk.”

“Any time!” he calls during his concentration and curses again when it sounds like he’s bumped his head.

Across the way from the garage, there’s an atrium staircase leading up to the roof. This base that they’ve gotten themselves is pretty impressive. They must have either been working on it for a long while, or they’ve found a structure that worked for them and they just had to build further upon it. They know what they’re doing, that’s for damn sure.

“Up on the roof is our lookout tower. We have regular vigils up here to watch for any trespassers. That’s how we knew you were here, actually.” Keith’s talking to me as he’s leading the way. His words reverberate off the walls in this tight space. “Lance almost shot you.”

“...Lance?”

“Our sniper.” We get to the top of the stairs, and he glances in the direction of the man on post. “He’s our eye in the sky, so to speak. And if you ever need him, more often than not, he’s always up here.”

Lance the Sniper is this lanky man with a loaded rifle that’s more than half his size. He’s silent, and not once does he look up at us while I know he can hear us. I can tell he does in the way his body briefly twitches while adjusting to another body’s presence. It’s brief, but by my understanding, he’s just incredibly vigilant.

That is when I notice that he’s focused on a specific thing outside the base. I peer over beside him to look through the glass window. My eyes start to widen at the sight before me.

A Leech is right outside the barrier, looking around for signs of life. It’s dangerously close, and surely it will be able to sense that we’re here! I also see, very faintly, the black stains on the ground from where I killed the other Leech. Maybe they’re trying to find it...or trying to find _me._

My breath catches in my throat, and immediately Keith covers my mouth before I can say anything. I hurry to look at him. How can he be so calm, when there’s a monster that vicious right outside their walls?!

“Watch,” he then mouths silently while looking at Lance. They both know something that I don’t, it seems.

As Lance hones in on the Leech, aiming at it, I notice a smirk forming on his face. Then his fingers itch over the trigger briefly before he finally fires.

I quickly glance over at the display and watch the Leech’s blood splatter everywhere as it falls. Lance had gotten it right in the head! We all know that this will only stun it, but it does enough to frustrate it so much that it starts to move away from the barrier.

“Heh.” I hear Lance snark as he reloads his rifle. “Fucking coward.” He sets it down on the ground after locking the safety. “I swear, they get dumber every day. We must be winning.”

When he looks up at us, I find it difficult to not wince at the sight of his face. He has this long scar from above his eyebrow down to his cheekbone, his eye clouded and sightless. I also take the time to briefly notice that he has a robotic leg.

“Yeah, you think that’s bad?” he grins when he notices my staring. “You should see the other guy.” He gets up from his post as we shake hands. “The name’s Lance.”

“Shiro.” I clear my throat after speaking. I’m still not entirely used to talking like a normal human being. “Nice shot.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles as he sits back down. “I’d like you to also meet ol’ Blue over here.” He shows me his large rifle as he hoists it up. “She’s my baby. Never go anywhere without her.”

“She’s powerful,” I admit and watch him mount it close to his frame. “You’re pretty good, Sharpshooter.”

“Thanks again,” he grins. “Keith, we’re keeping this guy, right?”

“That’s the plan.” He still hasn’t really looked at me, but I notice his flushed face in my peripheral vision. “I have to discuss it further with the Boss.”

“He’s gotta be a keeper! It’d be crazy if we got rid of him! He’s the only one on Earth that can kill these bastards.”

“For now,” he chides. “Now that we have him as an asset, we can figure out how to better handle them.”

An asset? Something about the way he says that doesn’t feel right to me. Maybe I’m reading too deeply into it. This seems like a well-organized militia, after all. Anyone involved can easily just be considered assets. I just didn’t think that _Keith_ of all people would give me that kind of descriptor.

“We’d better get going.” Keith taps my shoulder. “C’mon. You gotta visit Pidge’s lab.”

“Come back again soon!” Lance calls as we’re leaving and going down the stairs. “It gets awful lonely up here!”

“He’s teasing,” he sighs while we walk.

“Am not! Who am I supposed to talk to? The _birds?_ Wait, that’s right, all the birds are dead! I’m just making this shit up!”

I can hear the tone of laughter in Lance’s voice that reassures me that it’s all in good fun. It even manages to keep me in a good mood, and I don’t feel as bothered.

“How did you find the Holts?” I ask him while we walk together.

“The group didn’t form all at once. They were already a part of it by the time I showed up to help. Apparently, the Boss found them first, after seeing them outside Galaxy Garrison headquarters.”

“How come we aren’t there, then?” I ponder. “We could have better access to lab equipment and weaponry.”

“The whole place is overrun,” Keith sighs. “We tried getting in with a past fleet of troops, but they’re too powerful.”

My brain is already coming up with different ways to go about fighting these Leeches. I know it’s not going to be easy to convince absolute strangers my battle tactics, but it’s worth a try. “You know... if we can take control of Galaxy Garrison headquarters, we can be one step ahead of these things.”

“I know.” He holds my hand discreetly. “We have to figure out how these aliens work first. We don’t want to go in blind.”

“Right.” I don’t remember when we stopped walking. We’re right in the middle of a hallway. “So, Matt and Katie are here?”

He nods. “Matt’s our medic. He’s getting supplies from our allies. And Katie goes by Pidge, now. It’s an alias that she much rather prefers.”

“She’s an absolute genius,” I add with a grin. “You guys are lucky to have her. Now, she’s been working on the Leech, right? Like a dissection?”

He muses. “I suppose, it’s much like a dissection. We’ve been calling it an autopsy, since its physique is a basic human form.”

“I see...”

Keith enters a code in to get into Pidge’s lab. She’s working diligently, and she knows exactly where everything is located. She looks much like how I remember, only more mature and focused on a trade.

“If it isn’t the great Takashi Shirogane,” she grins as she steps away from an operating table.

The Leech corpse is lying there in the middle of the table. Its skin is much paler than before, if that is at all possible, and its joints look more like black glue sticking two sticks together and oozing all over the table. Its lack of bottom jaw while it just lies there is jarring, and I have to look away. I don’t want to be faced with those memories again.

“Hello, Pidge.” I clear my throat.

Keith sighs. “What have you found on the Leech?”

“I’m still picking up blood samples. It’s so sticky that it barely gets into the test tubes,” she grimaces. Her eyes are trained on me. More specifically, they’re trained on my arm. “I knew it was supposed to be bionic, but it’s nothing like I’ve ever seen. I must have a look at it.”

It makes me flinch when she reaches out to touch it. “L-look, I’d rather not. I don’t know what this thing does.”

“But, it’s on your arm,” she frowns. “Maybe then when you’re ready, I’ll check on it so that we can gather up more information. All we know is that this thing is the only object on Earth that can kill them.”

“I still find it hard to believe, myself,” I shrug. “Maybe another time.”

Keith looks confused as he listens to us. He reaches out and pats her on the shoulder with a sigh. “No need to worry about it, Pidge. Shiro will be able to cooperate soon enough.” He moves closer to the operating table, just staring at the Leech’s corpse. “Matt and Coran will be coming back by tomorrow with more medical supplies. We may need to send them back out again to figure out how to get more intel.”

“Have you heard anything from them yet?” she pries.

“Not a word. From my understanding, Marmora told us two days ago that they arrived there. If only Hunk can get that cruiser up and running soon.”

I listen to them talk about their plans. It’s one way I can figure out how their group works. So far, in this militia, each person has their own job. What does that make me, then? I wonder what kind of asset I’ll be considered as once they recruit me. It won’t take long to adjust to a new, conflict-heavy environment if I don’t think about it too much. I’m not entirely healed from my wounds, still. Some of those wounds can be found festering underneath the surface.

“I have to take him to see the Boss now,” Keith informs her. “I’m hoping to have him be an important asset to Voltron.”

_Voltron?_

I know I’ve heard that name from somewhere.

Inside my cell, I’ve heard guards going about their quarterly rotations passing words to each other. I remember them getting riled up over this mysterious thing known as _Voltron_. It clicks in that instant.

“So, this is... Voltron?”

They both turn their heads to me. Is this some well-kept secret that they were trying to hide? Is it just that I am being too naïve?

“Our militia is, yes,” Keith explains. “Our boss is one of two Altean survivors. After these Leeches invaded Arus, they started to build up a resistance. It’s a last stitch effort to prevent what happened to Altea happening here. Our efforts are still being maintained. As far as we know, we are the last known humans left alive, but we’re still in the process of searching for survivors.”

We’re left in stunned silence while reaching our last stop. When I find it in me to speak again, it’s something that’s been bugging me ever since I first was brought here. “After Daibazaal was destroyed, the first goal I had in mind was to prevent these Leeches from spreading. So when I... arrived here, I’d thought that maybe I could talk to the world leaders to help prevent an invasion. I didn’t realize that it would be too late. I—”

“Relax,” Keith soothes. I didn’t even realize that I was panicking. “This was out of your control. We’re all figuring this out, one step at a time.”

“But it’s been _four years,_ ” I gasp. “There must be something I could’ve done to put the odds our favor.”

“Shiro.” We stop at the top of a flight of stairs. “We’ll get through this together.”

“What happened, Keith?” I face him and hold his hands. My prosthetic is holding Keith’s left hand. I can’t feel the ring on his finger. My throat starts to burn and tighten up.

He stares at me, moving his hand away from mine so he can touch my face. The metal of the ring against my skin is soothing. “We’ll talk more about this later. Okay?”

I can’t bring myself to speak again. I nod my head as we step over to an office space at the end of the hall. It’s darkly lit, and I can see someone standing by the window. I damn myself for this, but my mind paints up an overlay of what I’m actually seeing in front of me. It’s showing me a familiarly horrifying figure standing near the window and watching me from that dark corner of the hospital room.

I hold my breath as the creature comes towards us. It’s not until I see their face in the soft lighting when I finally let out a sigh that’s been twisting in my chest.

“This is my boss,” Keith explains. “Allura, Shiro is up and ready to work.”

Allura’s eyes scan me up and down. They’re trained too fixedly on my arm, but I don’t have the impulse to move it away from her vision.

“Excellent. He’ll do handsomely,” she then proclaims. “Shiro, I’d like to thank you for your aid in killing that Leech and allowing us to have a sample. Your hard work is greatly appreciated.”

“It’s no problem. Really,” I rasp. “I still have no idea how I did it.”

“If I may,” she then inquires, “I would like you to be an active member of Voltron. I’m in desperate need of your skills. And with your arm, we’re another step closer to defeating these alien beasts.”

The last thing I want is to be involved in even more grueling tasks, but if it brings me closer to being avenged, then it’s worth the risk.

“I first and foremost would like to thank you, for allowing me to take shelter here and recover. And to repay you, I will join your team.”

“That’s terrific,” she insists. “We’ll have you set up right away. And as soon as you’re settled and well rested, we can continue with our progress.”

I watch Allura’s expressions closely. I can tell that there’s a lot going through her mind, despite it not really being my place to address my new superior on personal issues. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to prevent the Leeches from coming here and destroying this world, like they’d done to Altea. As the sole survivor of the Galaxy Garrison, I will repay my debts in any way that I can.”

“There is no need to put yourself at fault,” she tells me. “You did all that you could. And don’t worry too much about Arus being destroyed. There is still time to save this planet. My goal is to prevent the world from having the same fate as Altea, and this is how I am doing my best to avenge my people.” She starts to frown. “If we can find out a motive for these beasts, then there is a chance we can stop them from wreaking havoc on another planet.”

I can’t ever imagine these Leeches having motives. They don’t even have consciences. It doesn’t surprise me that Allura could think of that, though. I can’t bring myself to say my opinions aloud, though.

She moves away from the window to head to the door. “I must discuss further plans with Marmora. Shiro, I suggest that you regularly meet with Pidge so we can find out why exactly your arm was able to kill the Leech.”

I bite down on my lip to keep myself from impulsively protesting. With a nervous nod, I clear my throat before letting out a formal “Yes, Allura,” before hiding my face to briefly take in my nerves.

I know that being with Pidge is drastically different than what happened to me at the Galra facility, but it still scares me so much. I don’t want to be tested on anymore, even if it’s beneficial. But anxiety waits for no one. I have to do my part, now that I’m officially a member of this group.

“Great.” She clasps her hands together before leading the way out of her office. “Now, let’s get washed up for dinner.”

My eyes light up a lot more than they should’ve. A _meal._ I can’t tell you the last time I had a full course meal. But Keith elbowing my arm takes me out of my trance.

“Don’t get too excited,” he mumbles. “After most of our farms and fields have been wiped out by the Leeches, what little nutrition we have is scarce. The meat is so brittle, and the vegetables barely have any healthy value to them. And it’s almost impossible to start over while they’re still here.”

I don’t care. I just desperately want something to eat. I never realized how incredibly starved I was until I’d looked at myself in the mirror earlier today. Now that there’s the promise of food being graciously offered to me, it doesn’t matter that it’s not what I’d hope for or expect.

Seeing all these people around the base also comforts me, in a way. At least now I know that not all of humanity was wiped out. It’s not at all like I’d feared, but I’m not sure how many more humans are out there if we’re all confined to this structure.

“So... what _did_ happen when they invaded?”

Keith feels a little more confident to answer me than before, and he walks alongside me. “It was shortly after we got the news that Daibazaal was destroyed when it happened. The sky was covered in black masses. Trees stopped growing, and when the leaves fell, they didn’t grow back in the spring. The water was soon too toxic to drink without intense filtering. And then the Leeches started emerging.”

“It didn’t go to shit instantaneously, but over time we all felt like we were in grave danger. Everything was dying, and no one could give a real reason why. I saw pieces of the mass falling down from the sky. None of us were prepared. They started attacking us immediately.”

“They were combing through this whole area. Nothing could stop them. I tried to save your family, but... it was too late, Shiro.”

I feel incredibly numb. I figured that my family was gone, but confirmation of their deaths doesn’t make it any better. I heavily lean against the back wall. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come here in time.”

“It’s _alright,_ ” he chides and takes my hand in both of his. “Please, stop apologizing.”

“I can’t help it,” I sigh, keeping my posture. “What about your dad?”

“He died right at the beginning,” he frowns. “He drank poisoned water.”

“Oh. Christ,” I gasp.

He just nods slowly.

As I look around the hall, I notice several other rooms. We’re enjoying the silence a little too much. “Has being a part of Voltron helped you, Keith?”

He doesn’t respond right away. “It has, a little bit. And it’s even better, now that you’re here.”

My cheeks grow rosy at the comment. He’s still walking, even when I stand still for a moment just to watch him.

“You only have one outfit right now, but soon you’ll have an extra change of clothes,” Keith starts to tell me when leading me down the hall. “My room is right here, but Allura suggested that you should have your own room for a while. It’s just a precautionary measure, but you don’t have to.”

I want to lie with him so badly, just like we used to do every night. “She’s right. It’s not a very good idea. I don’t know what my arm’s capable of, anymore.”

“Yeah...” he mumbles sadly.

It hurts to hear his reaction. It’s almost as painful as saying it what I just did aloud.

Keith gestures towards another bedroom right next to his. “That one is empty. You can take it until you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you,” I mumble softly. We step in there together.

Keith stands by the door. “Your care package is already in here after we’ve moved everything out of the infirmary. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

“I’ll try,” I insist carefully with a smile. I don’t want him to leave me alone, but it’s better if we stay in separate rooms. At least, it will only be for a little while.

“I’ll be back later to call you for dinner. I have some plans to work out with Allura.” Keith leaves me alone to explore my new room on my own.

My room is small, but it has everything that I’d need. And the bed feels like heaven bottled up into a mattress. There’s one huge window overlooking the scourged ocean, and it’s not really a sight I’d want to take in. The sky is so gray, and the only way that I can tell the sun is setting is by watching the gray slowly tone down to black. It’s as black as the murky water below.

I step closer to the window, feeling the glass under my hands. I can faintly see my reflection, and at least I’m not flinching at it now. Staring out at the islands beyond, I notice that there is a group of Leeches circling around one of the smaller ones in mass. They’re all there together, and I sincerely doubt that they’re planning anything. They have no morals or characters. They don’t have personalities. They’re not naturally sentient. They’re despicable monsters not worthy of my sympathy or curiosity.

There are curtains bordering either side of the window, and I hurry to pull them to the center. The room is much darker now, and I’m staring around unfamiliar territory while imagining all too familiar events taking place within here.

The table in the corner becomes the podium Haggar uses to communicate to me in the glass room. I only know it’s there because of one time where I’ve escaped the room and saw a group of other Galra scientists hurrying to seize me.

There’s a lamp near the door, but all I see is a figure looming there and watching me with cold, cataract-coated eyes, planning my every move. I flinch away from these things and yet have nowhere to go. Because the walls are now closing in and trapping me further and further into my despair.

“It’s not real, it’s _not real,”_ I try and tell myself in vain. Reality is too callous to give me any real validation.

None of these things that I’m seeing are real. They’re not real... are they?

The shadows come closer as the room gets even smaller, _tighter._ I can almost smell the gas filling it to the brim and suffocating me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a normal moment, if anyone can really call my life “normal,” and this all feels like second nature to me. But I don’t _want_ it to feel that way.

I want out. I don’t want to be alone with these unseen monsters and the feeling of being trapped constantly waiting for me to give up or terrorize me further than I’ve ever been scared before. I just don’t want to be alone.

The knock on the door nearly makes me scream, especially when someone peers in before I can acknowledge that there’s really someone at the door. The head that slowly reveals itself looks more like a Leech in a half-second flash. But my mind reminds me that it’s not possible and that the figure standing before me is Keith again.

I want to go right up to him and hold him tightly. I want to make sure that he indeed _is_ real and that the monsters in my room are not. I want to be reassured that all is well, or that I can get past this in time. I just need _something._ But I can’t. I can’t bring myself to go over to him. I don’t know my own strength well enough to approach him when I’m this upset, and he knows it.

The only thing he can tell me right now is: “Dinner’s ready.”

I’m sure that I still look utterly terrified, but I’m relieved that he doesn’t question it. “Right. I’ll be right down.”

“How can you guide yourself down to the kitchen when you don’t even know where it is?” he teases.

“Oh yeah.” I clear my throat and straighten up my clothes. “Then, lead the way.”

As he takes me out of the room, I’m grateful to note that once I leave the monsters have said their goodbyes and left my empty room in peace. Unfortunately, I know deep down that they will come back, awaiting my return to terrorize me some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and find me.
> 
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Close call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny, because I put decapitation and masturbation in the same chapter lmao  
> This chapter has the excerpt I used for the Friday the 13th preview back in October!

_I don’t want to be here._

“Shiro, this is gonna be so fast. You won’t feel a thing.”

Apparently, I’d said my thoughts out loud, and Pidge is trying to make me feel better. It should be working, but right now I’m just so tense. I _really_ don’t want to be in a lab setting watching her do tests and scans. I’m too nervous to take my arm off, worrying over unknown adverse effects. But when I can, you bet your ass I’m taking this hunk of metal off me. I’d rather have no arm than a weapon.

“Damn, it’s impossible to get a sample,” she grimaces.

As my tension rises and my heart begins to pound, I suddenly hear that electrical hum again. I look down at my arm to see it’s glowing that disgusting pink again, and I move it away from the table in an attempt to hide it.

“Wait, wait let me see!” she gasps. “Is this how it turns on?” She reaches to grab my shoulder.

I flinch away more, hiding my arm behind my back. Just as I do so, I suddenly feel a searing pain that makes me shout out my words. “No, it’s dangerous! It gets at its worst when it glows pink like that.”

“Pink?” She tilts her head. “Shiro.” She manages to get one good look at it by shifting her chair. I can feel her eyes burning almost as intensely as my arm is. “Shiro, it’s not pink. It’s purple.”

“What.”

“It’s purple. What gave you the idea that it’s pink?”

I raise my arm again to give it another close look. No wonder why it’s a _gross_ tint of pink. It’s not even pink! “I-it’s always looked pink to me. Every time I’ve watched it glow, it’s either too bright around me to get a decent look at the color, or it’s so dark that the colors are a bit distorted. I guess.”

What other things am I wrong about?

“Maybe if I get an infrared on it, or maybe magnified images of it when it glows. We can figure out what keeps it on and what makes it glow the way that it does!” It looks like the gears in her head are turning, and she has this wild and passionate look in her eyes. “I must look at this further. This is incredible!”

As much as I would like to give that to her... I can’t. I can’t deal with being stuck in a lab feeling like a guinea pig all over again. Being in here right now gives me the same tension I’ve always felt every time I was being worked on by Haggar and her “doctors.” It doesn’t matter that Pidge’s intentions are well and good. It’s the fact that I’ve had far too many bad experiences dealing with experimentations that I still haven’t opened up about to anyone.

What’s the point of trying to open up? They’ll all just think that I’m crazy. Besides, I don’t feel confident enough revealing such a delicate part of my past to them. They probably have their own worries and issues to deal with, and they don’t need my influences.

It gets too suffocating for me to take. I flinch back and get away from the table where the Leech corpse is just lying there. “I’ll have to come back in here another time.”

“Wha—er, alright, I guess,” she frowns. “I’m gonna need a sample soon, Shiro.”

“Right. Just another time,” I repeat while stepping out. As I’m getting out of that chair, the talons tensely gripping my lungs begin to ease. I can relax, now that my mind isn’t wandering back to that moment from my past anymore. As I’m stepping closer to the door, I bump into a familiar face.

Keith crosses his arms. “How’s it going with Pidge?”

I pause. “We talked about my arm being purple.”

He gawks at me. “I mean, didn’t you give her a sample?”

“I...”

He groans in frustration. “Shiro, what the hell? You can’t keep hiding yourself away and holding back.”

“I know,” he sighs, “but it’s easier said than done.”

“In order for you to contribute, you have to do your part. It’s the least that you can do to help us out. Please, Shiro.” Keith has this intense, concerned look in his eyes. He takes hold of the metal arm, his touch incredibly gentle despite my instinct to pull back. “C’mon... What’s wrong, Shiro?”

I want to tell him, I really do. But I can’t. I hate limiting myself, and he’s right that I never really acted like this. Why can’t I just comply?

“I just... have gone through many trials and tribulations leading up to here.”

He frowns and exasperatedly smacks his thigh. “Fine. I can’t talk to you right now. Pidge, are we getting anywhere?”

She shrugs. “His arm glows. I think it might be due to his mood. He was really tense and scared when it started up.”

“Interesting,” he muses. “Are there any other properties to it that you know of, yet?”

She shakes her head. “It’s impossible to get a sample. Maybe if I can get an infrared or some scans, that should do it. All I can see is that glow, and he moved it away without me noticing any properties to it.”

“Right.” He turns his attention to me again. “...Are you sure you’re okay?”

I’m just realizing how much my back hurts after I’d moved my arm near there. Then again, I can easily get used to the pain at this point, with everything I’d gone through at the Galra facility. “I’m fine. Really.”

“Wait, I noticed something when you were getting up to leave,” Pidge then starts up. “Turn around.”

I follow directions and turn away from them. I hear a wince that makes my eyes widen. “What? What is it?”

“Your clothes are all singed.” I feel hands on my back and briefly flinch from the touch. It’s instinct.

“It has burning properties?” That’s Pidge’s voice. “I have to look over the Leech again. That’s quite the weapon you have there, Shiro.”

“Yeah. Who gave this to you, anyways?” Keith’s still touching my back. The warmth of his touch against my bare skin where the clothes are ruined relaxes me.

It’s a perfect contrast to his honestly oblivious question. To imply that I was _given_ this arm instead of the actual truth is off-putting and a little upsetting. But he doesn’t know. I can’t blame him for that.

“The Galra.”

I don’t hear them talk anymore. That’s a good enough answer for them to explain everything, it seems.

Something suddenly blares throughout the building. It’s an alarm of some sort that I haven’t heard before, but it has Keith and Pidge rushing out of the lab. I have no choice but to follow them, not wanting to be alone with the Leech.

“What’s going on?” I call out to them when I catch up.

“That means someone’s at the gate,” Keith says. “Coran and Matt are back.”

Everyone’s gathered around the front of the base, where the two men were rushed in by Hunk. He and the Alteans were holding Matt up, which makes Pidge gasp in alarm.

“What happened?”

“Just a close call,” Matt coughs. “We were on our way back when there was a whole swarm of them. I tripped.”

“Jeez, Matt,” she grimaces while he regains his footing.

At first, I figured that no one even notices I’m standing here, but that is when Matt catches my attention. “Hey, I know you. You were in my dad’s fleet. Shiro, right?”

“Yes.” I straighten myself up, trying to show my discipline. “Voltron saved my life.”

Keith stands beside me, almost in a protective posture. “He also has excellent strategical skills. And his arm is the only known thing that I can kill the Leeches. We’ll get even closer to defeating them once and for all.”

“That’s incredible,” he grins. “Sorry I’m not more excited. I just need to heal for a while.”

“I know how that feels,” I chuckle.

Allura pays no mind to the chatter. “Where are the supplies?”

Coran finally lets Matt go when he regains his footing. “We had to leave in a hurry, Allura. We dropped them during the skirmish, but they shouldn’t be damaged.”

She pinches her brow. “Right. I’ll send out a patrol to retrieve them. You two aren’t fit to go back out again.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Matt relaxes as the huddled group gets him settled in the infirmary. “We dropped them near the Capitol building.”

“The Capitol?” It’s bringing fonder memories back. It’s a nice change, compared to the constant assault on my mind I’ve been receiving recently.

 “Who do you plan on sending down there, Allura?” Keith asks to make me lose my train of thought.

“If I may,” Hunk then interjects. “I’ve finally fixed the remaining tweaks in my jeep’s engine, and it’s ready for a test run.”

“It’ll be dangerous without a barrier over it,” she reminds him.

“Understood. It can speed the process up, though. That way it’ll only take us a couple hours to take the trip instead of half a day.”

She thinks it over while looking at the group. “Point taken, Hunk. I would like you and Keith to go out for the search. And Shiro?”

I perk up when she calls me by name. “Yes, Ma’am?”

“I would like you to join them. You’re the only source of protection we have until we can figure out how to make a barrier for our base and vehicles. Are you capable of handling that?”

I won’t give myself any other options. Even though I never want to look at another Leech again, it’s the only way to keep course on the path to normalcy. Whatever that means. I give her a stern nod. “Yes, Allura.”

The three of them step away from the group, with Keith heading up the stairs. “C’mon Shiro, while Hunk starts up the jeep.”

“Why are we going up here?”

He makes a beeline for his bedroom, and I hurry to follow him before he shuts the door. He’s getting his bag situated, and I watch him stash away sheathed blades.

“I don’t have anything to bring,” I tell him.

“You don’t need anything. You have your arm.” He gestures to it while slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I want you to know something, Shiro. I know you’re trying to hide everything behind this tough shell you’ve got yourself trapped in, but I’m right here if you ever need someone to talk to. You know that.”

“Yes, I do.” I have to divert my eyes away from him to process that. “But I’m afraid.”

“Why?” he frowns. “We’re practically _married._ ”

“It’s complicated.” I head over to the door first, constantly looking back at him.

As he follows me to the stairs, his expression softens. “It doesn’t have to be. But I’ll give you your space. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

“Thank you.” I look down at our hands. He holds mine tenderly, toying with the ring on my finger. “I wish that we reunited under better circumstances.”

“Me too,” he sighs. “But I’m happy regardless.”

I feel like there’s some sort of secrecy going on here. I want to ask if the others know about our relationship, but I hold my tongue. It’s better to walk down the stairs with him in silence than to stir up a conflict.

We still remain quiet after that, joining Hunk in the garage and climbing into the jeep. As the engine revs to life, we still remain lost in our own thoughts. I’m starting to notice Keith’s maturity, for one thing. He’s a lot friendlier with this group than he would’ve been in the past. He’s always had his wits about him, and now he’s given a chance to show his skills. I want to tell him all these things, but I’m obligated to keep them to myself while we have lots of work to do.

 

_The Capitol is a ghost town,_ compared to what it once was. I used to come here all the time with Keith for coffee dates. We met on that corner street where the bank was. Now most of the buildings are rubble, and traffic lights and old signs litter the streets. Hunk turns his brights off on his jeep, decelerating as we’re getting closer to the heart of the town.

“This is it,” Keith announces softly as he looks around. The sky is as overcast as ever as we’re climbing out and scanning the area. Hunk has this large blast cannon that I saw him grabbing before we left. He take it out of the trunk and hoists it over his shoulder.

We lay low, even if the coast is clear for the time being. I’m towards the front of the group and Hunk’s in the back, with Keith looking around to search for the supplies. I don’t feel even the slightest bit safe around here, having to turn my head and take quick glances every time we take a few steps.

Any minute now, the Leeches could come in and attack us. We have to be as vigilant as humanly possible; maybe even more so. It’s a reality we all have to deal with. I’m sure all of them have seen Leeches up close and personal, but I’m unsure if they’ve had near death experiences when confronting them.

I find an area that I recognize all too familiarly. In its ruined place, I can almost clearly see people walking down the strip in front of the little shop. Right at that very spot, something from my past that I wish I could relive again and again is there. I don’t see the rubble there anymore.

I see myself and Keith standing right outside, intermingling amidst the crowds and getting to know each other further on date, after date, after date. It was here where we kissed for the first time, in front of some server bots that gawked in confusion. It was here where I’d offered to take him home after a night of drinking—that first night where we were able to talk man to man.

“Hey Keith,” I murmur to him when he’s close enough. “Remember that place?”

He turns to where I’m pointing, and almost immediately he shrinks. He looks away and gives me a brisk nod. “Of course, I do.”

“Hunk.” I then turn back to see him staring at me in confusion. “This is Arusian Roast. It was a café, once upon a time. Actually, Keith and I—”

“Shiro, let’s not talk about that. We can’t be too loud or distracted.”

I cut myself off when Keith suddenly speaks. I’m confused by how quickly he tries to keep me quiet. I was about to mention that I’d proposed to him outside of Arusian Roast.

“Yes, let’s stay focused,” Hunk frowns. “We gotta get the medicine and get the hell outta here. This place gives me the creeps.”

We disperse and continue walking. Keith’s nearby for an extra few moments to mumble in a hushed tone. “Can we keep our relationship low-key for now? I don’t want everyone to think that I have favoritism. I have to find a day to tell them.”

My earlier suspicions are correct, but I don’t understand why he’s acting this way about it. I can’t be too upset. After all, I’m keeping secrets from him. It’s only fair.

We’re finally in front of the Capitol building. It’s in shambles, and the roof is caved in. We see something resting at the foot of the steps. As Keith shines his flashlight on it, we see a case near some debris. It’s the supplies!

“Got ‘em!” Keith grins as he heads over.

“Uh, Keith...”

Hunk’s concerned tone makes me do a double take. Right where Keith’s heading over, I can see a long, tarry black hand reaching, a disgusting ray of teeth gleaming in the artificial light.

“Keith, stop!”

Distracted, he looks up, quickly stepping back as the Leech reaches forward to lunge.

“Hunk, shoot at it!” If they’re going to start freezing up now, I’d might as well take charge.

His reaction is delayed, but it’s enough to get him to shoot at the damn thing without causing impact flinging it back. It’s stunned, and we only have a couple moments before more Leeches try and follow the noise the blast emitted.

Hunk hurries back further. “Keith, grab it! Quick!”

He shakes his head, possibly to come to his senses, and he grabs it as quickly as he can. He doesn’t look back. “Let’s get out of here,” he mutters.

Hunk’s already in his jeep, trying to rev the engine to life again. He’s having no such luck, however, and frustratingly he punches the dashboard. “Fuck!”

“It can’t stall _now!”_ Keith tosses the supplies in the back. “We gotta move!”

“Tell that to the jeep!” he snaps as he tries starting it again. It won’t even catch. “I thought it was ready. God, Allura’s gonna kill me!”

“We’ll _all_ be dead if we don’t get out of here!” I frown. “Just focus on getting that thing working. Keith and I will fend off any Leeches in the meantime.”

I’m shocked at my own tone. If you asked me days ago if I ever would not only continue fighting against the Leeches but also be the calmest one in the group, I’d have laughed in your face. But in the moment, I can feel myself growing more capable of taking control. It’s a liberating feeling that I don’t have very long to absorb.

And what’s even more to my surprise, they listen to me. Even Keith does. I didn’t have too much authority in the military, but considering that I’m among the few that had personal contact with these bastards, I need to take initiative.

Hunk tries starting the car again. No such luck. He swears briefly before trying again, but we’ve got company.

“It’s a whole swarm.” Keith sounds scared.

“Relax,” I insist, and I can feel myself channeling the emotions that I can feel towards them. Anger, fear, rage... Vengeance. My arm glows that pin— _purple_ color that I hate so much, and I know that now I can break some more jaws.

Keith has his blades on him, and he takes one out with a tight grip on the hilt. He’s the type to perform melee combat, but these things are unpredictable. One of them comes right for me, and I give it a smirk to signify that what it’s doing is a huge mistake. While the hum in my arm seems to grow louder and my arm’s burning brighter, I hold my hand out flat and swiftly chop right for the neck.

Its head...

I can feel Hunk and Keith’s eyes staring wide as the body falls to the floor, its head rolling off while it still has that wide-eyed, hungry glare on its numb face. The blood it’s produced sticks to my skin, and I try to keep it out of my eyes.

“Oh, shit!” I hear Hunk gasp.

Keith doesn’t have time to register what just happened. He grips his blade and stuns the Leeches with cuts to the throats and stabbing anywhere on their faces within reach. It’s then that I would step in and use my hand.

One, I’d managed to break off its jaw, much like with the very first one. It’s not that this is breezy or anything, but when only facing one at a time it’s a lot quicker of a kill than I expected. All of them at once, however, is a lot to take in. I don’t have enough eyes to watch all corners, but that’s what Keith is for. He’s behind me now, stunning any that try to attack me from there. But whatever my arm’s doing to deliver these devastating blows, it’s working like a charm.

It’s then when I can recall the times that I’ve had to practice using my arm. It was only a couple instances, since I’d gotten it so close to before I escaped, but being in those situations was tiring enough due to my infection. They had me slash at dummies back then, and I wasn’t allowed back out until I’d gotten all of them. At the time, I was so weak that I had to use all my energy to stay on my feet. But now, with most of my strength replenished, it’s becoming closer and closer to second nature.

I’ve gotten one of the Leeches Keith stunned against the wall. It barely registers what I’m doing. I know that all it wants is to just feed. I don’t’ let him anywhere near my face, though, as I grip its throat with my flesh hand. Its hands start sticking to my body, trying to draw me closer. It’s learning fast, but I won’t let it have the upper hand. With my arm glowing ferociously bright still, I clench my first and go for the throat. Already, that seems like my favorite attack to use on them.

This time, I get to observe what exactly my arm is doing as it attacks the monsters. When it collides with the body, it’s almost like sparks are suddenly showing and stabbing right into it. The body, even right where the human bones would be, suddenly gets sliced through.

When seeing other types of weapons attack them, the Leech is able to take the hit far better than even the strongest person on Earth can. But strangely enough, the way the arm burns into it seems to work just fine. Watching the sparks catch of the black adhesive sticking to its body is a marvel, especially when it reacts almost instantly to it. It starts falling limp, and it takes a couple more hard blows to finally finish it off.

It collapses to the ground, the areas of skin where I’d hit it all but disintegrated. Now that I really think about it, it seems like whatever particles this arm is made out of is the complete opposite of the Leech’s qualities. How else would it get taken out so efficiently, and why is it that my arm is the only thing powerful enough to kill it?

“Yes! It’s alive!”

Hunk’s cries cut through the air, and I’m being dragged away from the ever-growing swarm. Regaining our footing, we rush over to the jeep.

“C’mon!” Hunk calls, ready to speed off as soon as we get inside.

The Leeches are chasing after us. On foot, they could’ve easily caught right up to us. But now, we have enough speed to gain a head start.

“We can’t lead them back to the base,” I tell him. “Outrun them first, then we’ll go.”

“How long is that gonna take?”

“As long as it has to,” I mutter. I hold on tightly to the jeep’s frame when we go over a huge bump. “The barrier we have over the base isn’t strong enough for a swarm like this. Lance won’t be able to take all of them out.”

“Hunk, just listen to Shiro,” Keith then assures him in the back. “He knows what he’s talking about.”

The air is still uneasy. “Okay...” Hunk speeds up, and I look back to see the swarm still chasing after us. It feels like every second they’re starting to get closer, speeding up.

“Shiro?”

“Keith.” I reach out to touch his shoulder. For the first time since we’ve reunited, he doesn’t flinch when I do so. “Keep a look out from back here. I need you to let us know when we’re all clear.”

“Right.” He turns his body so he could face the back more than before.

I look to Hunk. “How fast can this thing go?”

“I’ve made some modifications,” he starts. “Its max speed now is over one-fifty miles per hour.”

“Try and maintain that. We should be able to outrun them once we’re at that point.”

“Understood.”

I look straight ahead. “Try going through that gravel? Can the tires take it?”

“Can they take it?” he snorts. “Of course! Watch how this baby moves!”

“So long as we’re on course,” I insist as he takes us off the main road.

“Shiro, they didn’t expect that turn,” Keith chuckles. “Lance is right. They’re getting dumber.”

“They probably thought humans were too easy to catch.” I turn to see what he’s talking about. They’re just not trying to catch up, hundreds of yards away from us. We’re nearly in the clear.

“Uh, Shiro?”

I look back to the windshield when Hunk calls for me. Right in front of us is another swarm flanking in from the right. They must’ve heard us from another building.

“Shit!” I glare as my arm starts glowing again.

“Dude, what do we do?”

“Let me think!” I stare down at the floor.

Keith shouts frantically, “Shiro, we don’t have much time!”

“Bear left!”

As Hunk does so, we feel bodies collide with the side of the jeep. It causes the vehicle to jolt, and we’re almost thrown off balance. Apparently, Leeches were trying to attack us right from the back.

“Keith, they were right behind us!”

“I was just trying to tell you that!” he snaps. “I knew what I was doing!”

“Floor it, Hunk!”

The two of us are then flung back by a fraction as Hunk accelerates.

“We’re pushing it,” he warns. “This is as fast as we can go.”

“You’re fine. Just avoid sharp turns,” I insist. “Keep them away from the base.”

“Are we even anywhere _near_ the base?”

“Now is not the time to take any chances.”

Keith is still looking behind them. “They’re charging after us again, but some of them are tripping over each other. They’re probably hungry.”

“Well, they’re not getting a meal today,” I snark, looking straight ahead and letting Hunk drive. The tension starts to ease, the further we get away from the Leeches.

We must’ve been driving for another few minutes. When Keith exclaims that they’re in the clear, Hunk and I are both too relieved to stand it.

“Jeez, that was close!” Hunk frowns. “Never again.”

“You weren’t even fighting them,” Keith teases.

“I didn’t have to. I was the one that had to get the car running!” He pouts while setting course again. “I’m still working out the kinks on the GPS. We’ll just have to find our way back to the outskirts of Arus and go from there.”

“Right. Do what you need to.”

As he’s driving, I’m staring down at my arm again. I realize now that despite living with this thing for roughly a couple months now, I don’t understand the technology behind it in the slightest. It’s too dangerous for me to willingly stay in the dark about it.

“You did great out there.”

I hear Keith’s minute praise and glance up. He’s not smiling, but the look in his eyes shows that his words are genuine.

“Thanks. So did you.”

There’s a light blush on his face, and I can’t help but linger a little bit longer.

“What am I then, chopped liver?”

Keith sputters and looks over. “Hey, you’re the driver.”

“That’s the most important job of all.”

“Damn right, it is.” He chuckles as we make our way back to the base.

 

_The three of us had to_ take several showers each, just to get the blood off our bodies. It’s so sticky that soap can barely remove it after one wash. It doesn’t help that after we each had it running hot for several minutes, we then had to take icy showers to conserve the heat.

Now I’m sitting in Pidge’s lab again. This time, the Leech is nowhere near me. On our way back, we made another stop to Arus just to pick up the one monster’s head I’d chopped off. The remains were still there, and we figured it’d be a good idea for Pidge to observe it. That’s enough to give her the creeps.

She’s run several scans already on my arm while it’s strapped up. I do my best just to take deep breaths and will myself not to think back on all those experiments I was put through. This is different, I’d managed to convince myself.

She’s also able to get minor extractions when it starts to glow, and we both conclude that it has to be done at will. It can’t just automatically glow on its own.

“It’s going to take a few days before I can come up with any more theories,” she tells me when we’re all set. “Since this is Galra technology, I have a hypothesis that they’ve observed a Leech’s qualities in order to develop it. It’ll be tricky to crack, but not impossible.”

“That’s great to hear,” I chuckle. “The sooner we figure it out, the better.”

“Agreed,” she sighs and gets up. “And by the way, that head you guys brought in give me nightmares.”

“Just imagine what it did to us, since we fought them,” I tease her. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m due for a long rest.”

“After the day you three had, it’s safe to say that.”

I head out of there for once feeling soothed. Letting out a much-needed yawn, I trudge up the stairs while feeling my energy slowly drain from my body. Maybe I can finally get a real deep sleep, like I’d been craving for years.

Something stops me dead in my tracks.

I’m in front of Keith’s bedroom, and although the walls are relatively thick, the door is not. I come to that conclusion when I hear him say something from within.

_“Shiro...”_

At first, I’m thinking that he’s calling for me. But before I could take hold of the doorknob, I hear the sudden way he whines out, like he’s muffling his noises. I can put two and two together rather quickly.

_“Shiro... please.”_

I cover my mouth, feeling a sudden rush coursing through me. He’s in there thinking of me. My fiancé is thinking of me.

His moans are audible when I press my ear to the side of the door. I feel compelled to walk in, but my feet are rooted to the ground. I can’t bring myself to help him. Despite being unable to provide for him, at least I know that I’m still in his thoughts.

I get another glimpse back to better times in my past life. I’m above him, my hips doing all the talking for me while Keith writhes and cries loud enough for the both of us. With my face hidden in the crook of his neck, I hold his thighs tightly while he’s begging for more.

My hands...

As the flash abruptly ends, I stare down at them. With one of them flesh and the other metal, I give in to the sudden pang in my chest. It wouldn’t ever feel the same.

I hurry away from the door, knowing very well that I’m invading his privacy. Even though the fantasies are right there, I can’t bring myself to do anything. I’m too ridden with guilt, and I don’t understand why.

One thing is for certain. Even when I’m dead tired and desperately trying to sleep, the monsters lurking in the shadows still won’t leave me alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me.
> 
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Know who you're working with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I have chronic migraines, and one of them was really debilitating. There went my concrete updating schedule! //shrugs  
> It's okay though! It'll resume tomorrow, as we're reaching the latter half of the story. Thank you for all your interest!  
> Also, there's a relatively violent scene portrayed from word of mouth, involving amputation. That is all!

_They have an exercising room at_ the base. I’m made aware of this when Keith tells the others that they should take this as a rest day to loosen the muscles and prepare for another showdown if needed. I plan on taking full advantage of it later on today. I need to blow off some steam.

Pidge occasionally has a droid watch the tower when Lance needs to rest, so he’s able to join in on their fun. The two of them, as well as Hunk and Keith, are all in there together. After the success of retrieving the medical supplies, I’ve earned their trust to work alongside them. So while the others are in the exercising room, Allura, Coran, Matt, and I go over the next meeting with Marmaro. I still have yet to meet this ally of theirs.

“We will be expecting our next call from them within the next thirty days,” Matt finishes. “I’ve picked up some service that will allow us to maintain a video feed when the time comes.”

“Excellent,” Allura beams as she sends more messages. “We will also receive our rations in a couple days.”

I find myself looking out the window while we’re on the second floor. The wreckage is dispersed as far as the eye can see. It gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Part of it can very well influence and fuel my bubbling anger.

“I’ve started to discuss this with Keith,” I tell them. “If we take control over the Galaxy Garrison headquarters, we will have the upper hand. But we won’t be able to get in unless we have a stronger source of protection.”

Coran muses. “We haven’t thought further about going there. It’s completely overrun.”

“Shiro’s right, though.” Matt pulls up a map, showing an overhead view of the headquarters. “We’ll immediately have access to ships, weapons, and provisions. The Leeches have no use for it, and it’s still likely that we can obtain these resources.”

“It’s something we’ll have to plan out,” Allura says. “Once Pidge comes back with an analysis on Shiro’s arm, we can have Hunk develop shields and stronger weapons.”

Another thought comes to my mind. “When was the last time you guys searched for survivors?”

The stunned silence is _extremely_ reassuring.

“It’s been a few months since our last search.” Coran is the only one to speak. “We’ve found no one. Throughout the surrounding towns and villages, we’ve found no survivors.”

If I may suggest, we should continue to look for them. But if we have to wait until we’ve improved our defenses, so be it.” I give Allura a knowing look.

“Right.” She dips her head and puts the map away. “This meeting is adjourned. We’ll continue to discuss our plans when issues arise and the time calls for it. You may go, now.”

I take this opportunity to go down to the exercising room. Everyone is still in there, despite my apprehension to relax down here. For now, I just observe them.

Pidge does basic weight and fitness training, mainly to keep her body from being too stiff while being in the lab all day. She remains fit, just in case there’s ever a day where we need her to go outside for emergency purposes.

“What are you lifting?” I ask her when I look around at the different weights and machines.

She blushes. “Five pounds. Don’t judge me.”

“Well, we all start somewhere,” I tease.

Lance snorts while standing near a set of dummies. “Y’think someone wants to take out these short-range dummies for me? Or stretch out the room some more? I don’t wanna do it.”

“You gotta learn somehow,” Hunk calls, a strain in his voice as he presses what looks like two hundred pounds from this distance.

“Pow, pow, pow!” Lance chuckles while taking out a couple dummies and targets, mimicking the sound effects of his gun. “Got ‘em! These Leech fuckers don’t stand a chance against me.”

I shake my head in amusement. “I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

“Thanks!” he grins. “I rarely get to be out of the tower. This is fun.”

I move closer to him, keeping away from Keith for now while he’s practicing on a punching bag. “I’d love to get pointers from you.”

“I wouldn’t stand over there,” Pidge warns.

“What’s—”

Just as I’m about to question her, I see a fist go for my face in my peripheral. I hurry to blog it with my metal hand, but I’m doing my damnedest not to ignite its light properties as I’m holding it.

“That’s... his blind spot,” she chuckles and puts the weights down.

“Sorry, Lance.” I blush and let go of his fist.

He turns to face me and gives me a lopsided smile. “I always gotta have my senses open,” he explains. “Never know when someone will come up from behind me and try to get at my left side. But it’s all good.”

I nod while still watching everyone else do their exercises. I feel so out of place here. What do I even do? One thing I’ve also noticed while being here is that everyone has their own set niche. I’m able to fit in, but my role is incredibly uncertain.

I move away from Lance to watch him train. Keith adjusts his gloves before pounding into the punching bag again. His hair is tied back, and it just accentuates how incredibly handsome he is. It feels like he’s changed so much in the four years we’d been apart, and he’s as skillful as ever.

I gasp when Keith glances right at me. I didn’t even realize he noticed I was staring. I can’t even tell you how many moment shave passed since I first stared spacing out thinking about him.

“What are you staring at?” That’s a chuckle I hear in his voice, bubbling up within his words.

“Sorry.” I divert my eyes briefly. “I couldn’t help myself. You’re pretty agile. I’m glare you’re doing so well.”

“Thanks.” He starts to blush, his chuckling edging off into more laughter.

“ _Now,_ what’s so funny?” I tease.

“You’re still a dork, that’s what.” He takes his boxing gloves off, the metallic glint of the ring briefly taking most of my attention. “What did you guys talk about?”

“I’ll be able to tell you later,” I insist. “Right now’s not a very good time.”

He nods and holds onto the punching bag. “Aren’t you gonna work out? Or have you done enough exercising with your eyes?”

My hand immediately moves to my face. “How rude. I’ll exercise eventually.”

“Mhm.” He clutches my bicep while no one’s watching. “These muscles aren’t going to stay structured on their own, Shiro.”

I’m still gawking at him, even when he goes back to his work. In the end, I leave everyone alone to do their exercises. I sit out, taking in the scenery and giving Keith some motivation. These workout stations in the room are incredibly extensive, and while I should be working out I have other things on my mind.

I have to talk to the others about the Galra. They have to have seen the ship hovering in the atmosphere, right? Do they have their own conclusions that there’s an impending danger coming because of it? They’re still technically in the dark. Right now, though, I can’t even figure out how to _begin_ my story and theories.

Since our first mission outside of the base, I’ve gone on two others. Both of them were with Hunk and Keith, since we’ve been waiting for Matt to hear before switching up the patrols. With Lance as the sentry, it’s rare that he ever gets down from the tower, but in other mettings, Allura has been considering it.

The trauma from my experience with the Galra has still been greatly affecting me. Pidge has been analyzing the comparisons tween the software and hardware in my arm, as well as the DNA of the Leech. It’s a lot more extensive than we initially thought. I had to keep coming into her lab for visit after visit so she can figure out what exactly is going on.

I distinctly remember panicking when she had to strap my arm because I kept fidgeting. Pidge had no idea how to calm me down, but all I could think about was the pain of having my arm chopped off while she was merely prodding at it and scanning it. I couldn’t take it, and people were starting to think that I was acting too crazy.

Maybe they’re right, thought. Maybe I am crazy.

 

_At the dinner table tonight, everyone_ stays around even after eating. They’re all laughing and carrying on among themselves. I feel incredibly lost, but that’s not an unusual thing for me around here.

“So, Shiro’s been here for what, three weeks?”

“Is that including or excluding the coma?” Hunk asks Lance.

“I think it’s been about a month,” I tell them once I finally have a chance to get engaged in the conversation.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Lance chuckles. “You doing okay? You keep zoning out.”

I nod slowly. “I’m worried that I still haven’t really gotten to know you guys too well. I’d realized that when you were all in the training room today. I have no idea how all of us ended up here.”

Hunk shrugs. “Well. We all know how you got here.”

Yeah. Let’s leave it at that.

“What about you guys, though?” I ask curiously. “What are your stories, guys?”

“You already know mine,” Keith says first and cleans up his plate at the table.

Allura and Coran look over. “I’m not sure if we’re supposed to contribute as well, but I feel like our story is pretty self-explanatory.”

“Yes,” I chuckle. “You’re right, on that one. What about everyone else?”

Matt is the first to answer his question. “I was a med student in grad school. Pidge was in an accelerated program in college. We’ve been trying to find a new place to go ever since our dad didn’t come back from Daibazaal. We couldn’t afford to our house. But that wouldn’t have mattered anyways, because that’s when the Leeches attacked. Right, Pidge?”

She frowns as she listens to the back-handed way he explains their story. “Yep. Also, there was that whole instance where a group of them _completely destroyed said house_ and we were running for our lives.”

As he pauses, Matt clicks his tongue and runs his hand over the back of his neck. “As one does.”

Pidge shakes her head with a helpless smile. “We were rather close to where the Alteans were, so Allura and Coran took us in. They taught me how to use their equipment for experiments, and Matt became an important asset as Voltron’s medic.”

When they’ve finished explaining their story, I find it appropriate to speak. “I’m sorry that his passing was so hard on you guys. I’m here to make sure that he didn’t die in vain.”

They say nothing, but their affirmative grunts are enough to appease me.

“I take my experiences and constantly want to just shove them to the back of my head.”

“That’s not healthy,” Keith comments. I can’t tell if it’s an irate response or not.

“Well...” I clear my throat. “I can’t imagine what exactly was going on in the rest of your heads.”

“Oh, _I_ can,” Hunk chuckles. “Keith happened to tell you that I was an engineering student before the attack, and that’s true. But I also was preparing to work on my senior thesis. I was adding modifications to what’s now going to be my aircraft. It was the fifth experiment on it after determining a new hypothesis, but that was when I saw this black cloud appear in front of me.”

“So, you were in the _air_ during that?” I ask curiously. Never before had I ever heard of someone surviving such a feat.

“I was!” His eyes light up, and he’s giving himself a quick breather before going into further detail. “Before college, I was working on different vehicles, which is how I developed my jeep. But even now, I’m working on fuel-efficient aircrafts. With the progress I’ve gone through so far, I started integrating Altean technology now that those resources are available for me.”

“That’s very impressive,” I muse. “And the jeep is incredibly light. No wonder we were able to pick up such speed.”

“Yeah,” he grins. “It’s all part of the process, like I always say. If only I can get the engine to respond the same way.” He gets up from his chair to start cleaning off the table. “Anyways, I was being chased in the air, and it was _this close_ to engulfing me in that cloud. Now, you gotta remember, my aircraft wasn’t exactly perfected yet. So, I crash-landed near the base. In exchange for my safety here, I contribute by improving on our vehicles and weaponry. Still have to work on the aircraft, though.”

“Did talking about it remind you that you needed to work on it?”

“Pretty much, Shiro,” Hunk smiles.

They’re all getting ready to leave now, so I’m going right along with them. But that’s when I see Lance get up and raise his hands.

“Hey, hey, wait! How about I tell you the story about how Voltron saved _my_ life?” Lance teases, playing on my comment when I’d gone through introductions with Matt upon his arrival.

“Oh boy, here we go,” Hunk chuckles while cleaning off the table.

I tilt my head and sit back in my chair. “Would it have anything to do with how you got your scars?”

“What else would I talk about?”

As he laughs, the others start getting ready to leave the table.

“Hey, rude!” He grimaces. “We all stayed to hear the others talk to Shiro about their sob stories, and now it’s my turn!”

Out of reluctance, they all sit down at the table again. Hunk has all the dirty dishes in piles sitting at the far end. Coran and Allura finally finish their own meals, and Matt looks half-tempted just to awkwardly get up out of his chair.

“I was one of the first to join, y’know,” Lance starts. “If it weren’t for Allura and Coran, I would’ve died for sure. I mean, not everyone gets to survive a Leech attack and live to tell the tale. Right, Shiro?”

I tense up when he mentions me. It’s kind of obvious, now that I think about it. I can’t think of what else would leave such ghastly scars that look pitch black with veined patterns against his skin. When I give him a brisk nod, he starts to laugh again.

“Glad we’re on the same page,” he grins. “Anyways, I was walking home from classes at the time. Everyone was running, businesses were on fire, and I had no idea what was going on. All I heard was sirens, blaring loud and blocking off all other sounds. And then... I saw them.”

Keith rolls his eyes, exhaling his breath out with a puff of his cheeks. “You get more dramatic every time you tell this story.”

The rest of us pay no mind to his comment.

Lance continues. “This huge Leech the size of three men crushed this car right in front of me. But under its feet, the people were gone. Even half of the car was missing, like it faded from existence! It was crazy. I started to run, turning back to the direction of campus. I figured that maybe I could hide in a shelter, or something. But before I could get that far, I hear this building crumbling down. I was right next to it, and I thought I was gonna die. I backed up best I could, but it wasn’t far enough. When it came down, a whole column of the building fell near my left side and crushed my leg. It must’ve been hundreds of pounds of force coming down on my leg.”

No one deserves the fear or pain that any of us had gone through, but the fact that Lance enjoys telling his story says a lot about how he’s been coping with that experience.

“...How did you lose your eyesight?” My voice is raspy when I try and ask that question.

“We’re getting to the best part,” he teases, egging it on further. “A Leech jumped on me. It wasn’t the huge one, but a smaller one that came out of nowhere. And I couldn’t move, because my leg was crushed! I tried fighting it off with my hands, but I was just in so much pain during that. Then it scratched me in the face! I still can feel the way its claws scratched over my eye. When I first went blind in that eye, I got terrified that I wasn’t gonna see where it’ll try to bite me. It grabbed my hair and started pushing my head into the ground in an attempt to crush my skull.” After he said that, the grin that’d been on his face as he told his story grows wider. But that’s when I noticed this big ass brick next to my shoulder.”

I know exactly where this is going. It’s also fascinating to watch him speak of this horrifying experience in such an accomplishing light.

“I picked it up and kept wailing it in the head with it. Blood’s everywhere, the Leech’s blood, my blood, and it was so gross! And I kept hearing it screeching and hollering, and _I’m_ screeching and hollering too. And then, _splat!_ It’s down on the ground!”

“Shit,” I breathe out.

“That’s not even the most intense part.”

I see Pidge visibly cringe. “Can we skip this part? I’m getting squeamish.”

“Those with weak stomachs can leave, if they wish,” Lance teasingly warns with his hand pressed over his heart. “All I’m saying is, don’t try this at home.”

“I’ll come with you, Pidge,” Hunk assures her and gets up with the dishes. “I’ll throw up again.”

I watch the two of them leave the room. The rest of us remain, and I’m overly curious trying to fill in the pieces on how Lance managed to free himself.

“So, I was on the brink of death. I didn’t know at the time that my head bashing couldn’t kill the Leech, so I wasn’t worried about hurrying up. I was trying to break free, and I started to realize that there was no way my leg was salvageable. But how was I supposed to get rid of it in such a short amount of time? Well... I still had that brick.”

“Oh, god.”

Even _my_ stomach starts to turn when hearing that. When my arm was amputated, at least there was a sharp edge. He had to use blunt force alone. That must’ve been _excruciating._

“It was the worst pain I ever felt in my whole life,” Lance gasps. “But you have to admit it. Breaking off my leg by repeatedly smashing on the bone with a brick sounds pretty badass, doesn’t it?”

I nod slowly. “Sure does.”

Coran suddenly cuts in. “Well, it became much easier to get his leg out when I arrived with my machete.”

“Coran!” he glowers and slaps a hand against the table. “You didn’t do that when I told the story to Keith!”

“What, fill in the missing pieces?” he blinks. “Last time I checked, you were relieved and crying for me to chop off your leg because all the brick was doing was making the bone more mangled.”

“Dammit,” he pouts and crosses his arms. “Yes. Coran chopped my leg off. He’s the badass. To wrap it all up, I was bleeding out, but Coran took me back to his base. They gave me a new leg, which I gotta say is a lot more useful than an actual one, and I was trained to use a rifle. The last sniper before me was mauled by Leeches on the last patrol. His name was Blaytz. I miss that guy.”

“That’s quite the story,” I tell him. “I’m glad you made it through that experience.”

“Me too,” he grins. “Now, it’s the greatest story I’ll ever tell.” He checks the time and gets up from his chair. “I’d better get going. Gotta do my patrol up in the tower.”

“It’s been fun.” I watch him as he says good night to everyone.

Everyone officially disperses, and Keith is waiting for me in the stairwell. He gives me a soft look while I approach him.

“So, about our further plans.”

“What have you come up with?” We both walk up the stairs, and I gather up my thoughts all the while. Keith’s body is close to mine, unknowingly giving me a sense of comfort.

“I made a suggestion to Allura and Coran. I talked about the Galaxy Garrison headquarters.”

“Oh, so she agrees?” He sounds so relieved. “Yeah. I hope Pidge finishes up soon. We need to get started right away.”

“I also want to resume search parties for survivors. I have such a strong feeling that they’re still out there, somewhere. We have to make sure that everyone on this planet that’s still alive is accounted for.”

“Why the sense of urgency?” He takes hold of my arm.

“This planet is dying.” We stand outside the bedroom door. “I’m not ready to bring this up to Allura, but there isn’t much to Arus left. Soon it will be just a lifeless husk. Unless if you suddenly come up with a miracle cure, Arus is going to end up just like Altea and Daibazaal.”

His hand is shaking as he’s hovering over the doorknob. He takes a sharp breath in and relents with a slow nod. “If it’s as bad as you’re implying, there isn’t much time at all. We’ve been floundering around for two years.”

“We’ve got a great team here, Keith. And now we’ll also be stepping in the right direction. I’ll relay the news to Allura. We need to prioritize our goals. The first thing we must do is expand our patrols while we’re all together. While we’re in numbers, we’ll be in less danger than we would be if there was only a handful of us. We’ll also need to find out the results from Pidge’s tests as soon as possible, so we can develop the weaponry that we need. With proper defenses, we’ll instantly be ahead of the game. While we’re at that, we can officially search for survivors. We can all evacuate this planet at that point.”

“But what if they just move to find another planet?” he frowns. “What if we can’t stop them?”

“Keith...” I rest my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be discouraged. We’re already doing so well. We can only do all that we can.”

He sighs softly and opens his bedroom door. “I know you probably won’t wanna talk about this now, so one day, I’d like you to tell me exactly what happened on Daibazaal. The fact that you said that arm was given to you by the Galra says a lot about how guilty their conscience might be. _And_ it’s the only thing that can kill Leeches. This completely changes the game. Everyone will want to know. I’m not gonna say anything yet, but this is crucial information.”

He leaves me alone before I can interject. It’s not like I would say anything to protest. It doesn’t matter how poorly I’m still handling these past events. He’s right. He always is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me.
> 
> [tumblr](tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission that leaves skin crawling. A shot that was fired in absolute silence and yet heard from all over the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mild violence, among other things.  
> Enjoy!

_Our missions have been carried out_ slowly, but surely. Despite our current lack of defenses, we do have quite the upper hand. There have been more soft-core missions after we’ve had more success on patrols.

We never split up. We all stay near our vehicle, unless if the situation doesn’t technically call for it. On each mission, we have to encounter at least one Leech, but we never had a complete ambush like we had the first time we did this at the Capitol.

Allura took my advice, and we’ve been slowly moving closer towards the Galaxy Garrison headquarters. It’s all in an effort to see where the Leeches are most densely populated and how we can find an easy way to move around.

On this mission, we’re ready to reach the building itself without stepping inside. Allura also wants to collect more samples from the Leeches, if we can. And I intend to do so, if needed. This mission is supposed to take a day or two for us to complete, and we have to stay prepared for anything that might get thrown at us. This is also going to be our biggest group yet.

I’m going, as well as Keith and Hunk, but Lance and Pidge are also tagging along so that we are available in numbers. Pidge has always wanted to participate on missions with us, and she also wants to watch Leeches fight from a distance, if we ever come across them. She’s armed, though, and we still have no idea where she’d gotten the gun nor what the ammo consists of. We genuinely have nothing to worry about with her, though. She can easily hold her own with no issues to be seen.

Within the past month, Hunk has fixed up another vehicle. Hunk, Lance, and Pidge are going to ride in the jeep. There’s also a red hoverbike that was apparently broken down for several weeks before I’d arrived. It’s Keith’s vehicle. The garage is still has three others that need to be worked on, plus the aircraft Hunk was testing out before this attack from the Leeches began.

We have some more time alone to discuss our ailments. Despite having such a relatively comfortable, I find that I’m still incredibly restless in it. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep once, since I’ve been here. There are thoughts constantly plaguing my mind, and I get flashbacks that I don’t even remember experiencing. Some of them are so horrible that I can’t bring myself to bring up what I saw aloud.

My cage is locked up, with the key long since forgotten. I can’t talk to Keith about what’s happened to me, not yet. As for these sudden flashbacks I’ve been experiencing, that’s staying within the dark recesses of my mind. They’re never getting out.

“Shiro, are you okay?”

I force myself out of my head so I can look at Keith. He’s putting his helmet on, and I clear my throat as I eventually do the same. “Yeah. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“You know that’s easier said than done,” he chuckles. He reaches his hand out to touch my arm, but as soon as his fingertips brush against my bicep, he retracts his hand. “Sorry. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are waiting for us. Matt tweaked the radios so that we could all communicate with the base.”

“Sounds good.” I sit behind Keith on the bike, and being this close to him again makes my heart skip a beat. I have to be careful, though. Something deep inside me constantly reminds me that any move that I take could possibly harm him. That keeps me locked in my own lane.

Regardless, my arms wrap around his midsection so I could hold onto him. It’s the first relatively intimate touch the two of us had shared since I was healing in the infirmary. For a split second, I feel Keith’s hand running along my arm. As soon as I register what he’s doing, he’s long since stopped and has both gloved hands on the handles.

_“We’re headed out first.”_

I hear Hunk over the radio. Keith responds soon after with a reassuring, “We’re right behind you.”

_“Avoid contact with the Leeches, if you can,”_ Coran then tells us. _“We need to plan any necessary routes, but remember that the headquarters are completely overrun.”_

_“Yes, be careful.”_ That’s Allura talking.

None of us respond back, but we’ve gotten the message loud and clear.

 

_We stop right near the hospital._ Seeing that building again makes my blood grow cold. I never want to step inside there again, but everyone claims they need to take a pit stop.

“I wouldn’t go in there,” I tell Keith. “It’s not safe.”

“Don’t worry. The three of them just need to use the bathroom. We don’t plan on staying.”

“I know, just...” I pause to take a breather. “I’ll hold it in. I don’t want to go in there.”

“That’s fine.”

His hand reaches back to rub my side, and I helplessly flinch under his touch. I feel awful upon doing so, but I make up for it when he faces me with this concerned look on his face. His helmet’s off, so I move to run my fingers through his hair while we’re alone. To my relief, he relaxes and nuzzles into my hand.

“I’m sorry, Keith,” I mumble softly. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are,” he smiles. “I don’t blame you for anything. You know that, right?”

It takes some thought to finally convince myself that. “Yes. I know that, Keith.”

His hand comes up to rub over mine, fingers delicately stroking the ring. “I’ll be waiting for as long as it takes.”

We almost forget that we were originally in a group. When the three of them come back out from the hospital, we both quickly pull away and face away from each other. That doesn’t seem suspicious, at all. They didn’t seem to notice that, though.

On our ride through town, we can’t help but look at the ruins of the many buildings that used to tower throughout this city. All of us have been here, on one occasion or another. We have felt how small we were among these skyscrapers. And now, most if not all of them are down to rubble. We have to watch our path and avoid obstacles.

“We’re about a half hour away from the Galaxy Garrison,” I start to tell them, turning the radio on. “The further we go away from the base, the more vulnerable we become. Remember to be extra careful. One Leech can turn into dozens in a matter of seconds.”

I hear affirmatives all around, and it puts myself a little more at ease. They’re fully capable of anything that these things can throw at them, and I know it. I’m hoping that we wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of action, but I can’t be too prepared for whatever situation that’s thrown at us.

It’s a long half hour, while we’ve been driving in what can be considered now the middle of nowhere. Lance has had his rifle aimed the whole time while he was in the jeep, switching sides in the back seat to stay on high alert. I have my arm outstretched, ready to use if needed.

The Galaxy Garrison is still about a quarter mile away, but so long as it’s in eyesight we’re close enough to make observations. We step out of our vehicles, one by one.

Surrounding us are more abandoned, mostly ruined buildings. Some of the wreckage points have crevices in them, big enough for someone to crawl through. I highly doubt that any of these areas are safe. We’re all on high alert, the five of us each picking an angle to keep a lookout for. The environment is incredibly tense while we’re around this silent, dead air.

Hunk hoists his blast cannon over his shoulder. “We’re clear for right now.”

“Why don’t we check that out?” Pidge points over to one of the crevices. That looks like someone can actually step inside.

“It could be infested,” Keith grimaces.

A thought starts to form in my head. Possibly, there could be survivors out here. We haven’t seen a Leech yet, which influences that idea in my head. Maybe they’ve found a way to live out here and are waiting for help. That’s a bit of a stretch to take, but I’m desperately hoping that I could at least rescue some survivors on this planet before we have to evacuate it. I don’t think I can rest until I do.

“Let’s do a search,” I announce.

“Shiro.” Lance blinks as he looks over. “What about the plan?”

“We’re still sticking to it,” I assure him. “I think we should start making attempts to look for survivors. We need to find as many of them as possible.”

“We have time.” Keith looks at me with genuine concern.

“We’ll get to them. For now, let’s just stay together in the group.”

“Right.” My heart’s pounding in anticipation. I need to find them.

Something else draws my attention away from the group. I think I see a familiar figure, but they’re too far away from me to point out who or what they are. While everyone’s actively taking in their surroundings, I start to move away from the group. It seems a lot easier to be further away from them than I expected. Their voices wane off, and I don’t hear anyone trying to look for me. Although I feel unnerved by the fact that no one really seems to notice I’m gone, I push those thoughts to the back of my head. My brutally morbid sense of curiosity outweighs it.

I stop once I’m pretty far enough away from the group. I’m hidden from the others behind a large pile of rubble.

_Where are you?_

The thing that I saw wasn’t a Leech, and I wanted to see who or what it was. Was it a survivor, maybe? I can already feel myself growing more inclined to rescue any stragglers around here that are trying to hide.

When I finally come face to face with the figure up close, I suddenly realize that I should’ve stayed as far away from this cruel creature as possible.

“...Sendak?”

“There you are,” he grins, his sharp teeth bared as he moves closer. “I’d been looking all over for you.”

“W-why?” I stammer as I watch him nervously. I start to step back.

He chuckles and flexes his enormous cybernetic arm. He shows off its power and strength, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s gotten _bigger_ since I’d last seen him. “Well, Haggar wants her prized possession back.”

I clench my fist tightly. “I’m not going back there,” he mutters.

“You can protest all you want.” His arm’s glowing as he storms closer to me. I quickly shake my head and use a bit of my fear to cower away completely. I shake my head as he goes to speak again. “But you belong to the Galra now. Besides, they need you back. You know that. How else do you think we’re going to wipe off Arus?”

His statement has me completely off guard. “What do you mean?”

He chuckles. “You mean... you mean to tell me that you don’t acknowledge what you’ve done?” His chuckles taper off into minor fits of dark laughter. “That doesn’t make you look good at all.”

“I don’t understand.” My heart begins to pound. “I don’t have a guilty conscience. I’m trying to save this planet before more lives are lost.”

“You are the last person that should be trying to ‘save’ anything.”

He’s starting to make me angry in the midst of my confusion. Something is gnawing at me as he speaks to me. I don’t want to believe any suspicions that Sendak is trying to throw at me. I say nothing, still trying to stand my ground. But regardless of my stance, he gives me this menacing smirk and lets out a deep chuckle.

“You don’t... know, do you?”

Silence.

“How can you not know?” Sendak sneers. “The two of us, when we landed on Elion together. We were meant for something far greater than you can possibly imagine.”

“I’ve never stepped foot off that ship!” I glower at him, and my continual anger makes my arm start to glow again.

“No, you haven’t,” he mutters, sounding like he was growing more annoyed. “But you sure took great pleasure in annihilating the Elionites in the lab.”

My breath catches. “You mean, those other prisoners.”

“What other prisoners?” He laughs out, utterly cold. “The gas killed those weaklings. They were going to find more subjects to test on somehow. So, while planets were being invaded by the Leeches, we went on to do a much greater service to the project. Elion, Gorath, Lanerva...”

“S-stop!” I gasp out, suddenly feeling my blood grow cold.

No... this isn’t real. What he’s saying isn’t real! I’ve never killed an innocent body. Never! That’s a lie just to get to me. It has to be!

Then I see a mental image of a flashback. I was wearing the muzzle, but my eyes were still wild, hands itching to clutch onto something. Whether it was to just to satisfy my touch-starved cravings or an enraged spark in me as I saw everyone I came across as a threat, I’ll never know. I _don’t_ know! I thought this wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare, right? The way that innocent creature looked up at me with those wide eyes while cowering away from not only the mock Leeches, but _me._

_I killed it._

“Why are you so shocked?” Sendak grins. “I envy you, Shiro. It’s not every day that someone gets their bloodlust satisfied by aiding in the destruction of an entire planet. I was jealous when you were the only subject allowed to touch the Elionites. But the screams I heard from them were satisfying to listen to.”

_“Enough!”_

I know Sendak’s much larger than I am, and I know that he’s a lot stronger. But the way that he digs into me with these accusations gives me the power I need to come at him at full force. I shove into him hard, my cyber arm glowing obnoxiously bright. I can hear a startled cry from Sendak as I burn into his skin through his uniform, but I don’t stop.

“I am _not_ a monster!” I scream as I do all I can to hold him down.

He grunts as his large arm reaches up. “You’re the one who put those words into your mouth, not me!”

“I’m not a murderer!” I see the arm moving up and burning before he can hit me with it.

My hand makes an attempt to slice through it, making Sendak suddenly try to squirm away from me. Although my hand’s not strong enough to completely cut through it, I do make a nice dent in it. But in that revelation, I also hear something I never expect to hear come out of an arm.

_Hissing._

In my distraction, Sendak pushes me off of him, holding the hole I put in it as he’s also holding his breath.

“You’re going to wish you never did that!” He glared as he moves back, running away.

As I’m left dumbfounded in my spot, I feel something constricting at my sides. Despite the fresh air around me, I still feel the efforts of whatever I just inhaled. Much like how I did with...

_The gas._

“It can’t be...” I stare down at my arm, the glow from the attack finally dimming down.

I shake my head and cower away from that spot. Everything that he’d just said... It’s all I can see now. I can imagine myself killing different creatures. Whether it was in cold blood or not, I’ll never know. I don’t want to think about the lengths I’d go to keep on the Galra’s good side during my time in prison. It’s something that I’d prefer to keep on the backburner indefinitely.

“Shiro!”

I hear Keith calling me, and the four of them are all rushing over. I’m still shaking while trying to get up.

“What happened?” Hunk pries. “We heard you shouting.”

“N-nothing,” I stammer.

Keith sighs and rubs his back. “We want to show you something.”

I’m no longer as disoriented as before. Now’s not the time to continue dwelling on what I’d just heard and seen. I’ll worry about that later. For right now, the anticipation of possibly seeing survivors is my top priority. My body seems to move on its own, despite my attempt to keep my head out of the clouds.

They take me to a rundown building. I remember passing it on the way here. It’s what’s inside it that has my attention. Several figures step out of first, and my heart jumps up to my throat. It’s thundering hard as my lips twitch up into a smile. I’m so relieved that I was right.

_Survivors!_

As soon as we get close enough, they start to cower back again. I watch them curiously.

“Hello.” I clear my throat. “We mean you no harm. We have somewhere you can go.”

One of them has their arm holding a few others back, like they’re protecting them. “Stay back. Spare us.”

I start to think back to what Sendak said to me. I really want to just keep that in the back of my mind, but no matter how hard I try to, the fear in these civilians’ eyes keep the thoughts right in front. “I won’t hurt you. We’re members of Voltron.”

“Voltron?” Another muses as they peer up from the leader’s protective stance. “We’ve heard of your group from the radio.”

“You have a functioning radio as well?” Pidge decides to take over while they’re still afraid. “We have plenty of room at our base for you.”

Hunk agrees with her. “She’s right. And we’ll be able to take you back with us in my jeep.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to take trips,” the leader frowns. “There are fifteen of us.”

I think we all are thinking the same thing. How long will it take to get all of them to safety? And of course, a couple of us need to be here to protect them. I know I’ll have to stay back, but what about the others?

“I’ll be here to look after you while we transport all of you to the base. No one will be left behind.”

Their apprehension speaks volumes to me.

“I’ll stay, too,” Lance insists. “With the two of us here, none of those Leeches will get to you guys.”

Hunk and Keith obviously are going to be transporting the survivors. They can easily take five or six civilians at a time.

“I’ll stay here, as well,” Pidge tells us. “It gives me a chance to test out this gun.”

“Who’s gonna protect the vehicle while I’m driving, though?” Hunk frowns. “Didn’t y’all forget that Leeches still try to kill us when we’re on the move?”

“Hey, how about this?” Keith starts up. “Pidge and Lance will take turns protecting the jeep. Lance first, just to make sure that Pidge’s weapon works while she’s with Shiro.”

“That sounds like a plan. Not the _best_ one, but it’s a plan.”

“It’s worth a try,” I insist to Hunk as he’s going back over to the survivors.

“Well, we tried,” Lance shrugs and climbs into the back of the jeep. “Five survivors in here, and one hitching a ride with Keith.”

I’m already on post, with Pidge standing by the door. We help the survivors out one by one, and I quickly find out that there are children inside. The fact that children can still survive on Arus gives me much more hope than I intended to have.

“Children first,” I call out almost immediately. “We need the children safe first.”

Keith watches them step out first, and Lance keeps his weapon steady while five of them climb into the jeep. Hunk gets in to drive.

“We all need to stay calm,” I tell them collectively. I help Keith hoist an adult Arusian onto his bike. “It roughly takes an hour to travel to the base and come back here. Have patience. All of you will be taken to safety.”

Despite the genuine confidence in my voice as I say this, I’ve never felt more alone in my life as I watch them leave us behind.

 

_I’m not sure how much time_ has passed. There’s a high chance that Keith and Hunk possibly have to do a lot of convincing to allow more people in the base. I’m aware that Allura and Coran aren’t the type to turn others away, but the suspicion still lingers.

The survivors make up different species. Most of them are native Arusians, and a couple are half breeds, much like a majority of the children are. But there was one in here that I didn’t see, despite knowing that there are fifteen civilians in here.

“Where are they?” I hear someone mumble from further back in the shelter. The voice sounds startlingly familiar. I’ve heard that voice before, but I don’t remember _where._ It has to be from during the time I was captured, which automatically has me assuming that this voice doesn’t belong to a friendly face.

When I step inside, haphazardly using my arm as a source of light, I see the source of the voice. The figure towers above all of us, and they keep to the shadows. In the artificial glow, I look at the facial features of a creature that is unmistakably _Galra._ Not only are they Galra, but I’ve seen him on the ship on several different occasions.

_“You.”_ I’m seething and ready to take all of the vengeance that’s been bubbling within me and use it to inflict the worst possible pain onto him.

He doesn’t move an inch. Perfect. He’s right where I want him to be.

“Wait, wait!”

Two of the Arusians stand in my way from tearing this Galra a new one. It takes every muscle in my body to restrain myself from attacking. Besides, I still need to focus on keeping everyone safe here.

“This is Ulaz,” one starts up. “He’s helped us stay in hiding.”

Pidge peers in to see what the commotion is all about. “Shiro, he’s from Marmora. We need to keep them on our good side if we wanna get our rations and intel.” She gives me a stern look, putting me in my place.

“But...” I trail off as I look at him. Supposedly, he’s on our side? If that’s the case, there must be more Galra in Marmora than I ever could’ve expected. “You were on that ship.”

“What ship?” Pidge questions.

“I’ve seen you, as well. Do you not remember where we’ve crossed paths?” Ulaz keeps still, the other civilians quieting down from the excitement.

I’m still on guard while he’s talking to me. “I’m constantly being told that I don’t remember much of my time there, but what I’d rather have is answers.”

“I’ll be able to discuss this with you later.” His expression is soft. I’m shocked that he’s not aggressive in the slightest.

“You’ll be coming back to the base with us,” Pidge tells him. “Marmora will most likely send someone to come get you, or have us transport you back to your headquarters.”

“It’s no trouble. Thank you for sparing me, 4129.”

Hearing my number strikes a chord within me. I still keep myself from acting on my impulses, not wanting to cause a further raucous. “My name is Shiro.”

“Right. My apologies, Shiro.”

“Shh!”

We’re now dead silent as Pidge catches our attention. Looking through the doorway, I see what had suddenly alerted her. A Leech is merely several yards away from us. Now’s not the time for this! There’s still a huge majority of the survivors here waiting for Hunk and Keith. We can’t have an attack.

I move up to stand beside her, keeping the rest of them back inside. We have to hold onto a sliver of hope that the Leech won’t find us.

As far as we can tell, there’s only one out there. Every step that it takes, it looks the like the ground underneath it is dead and barren. Pidge watches in absolute fascination.

“Careful,” I whisper as softly as I can. “If there’s one out there, there’s bound to be more.”

“Traveling in hoards,” she muses quietly. “Interesting...”

She stays by my side, watching in genuine curiosity. Time continues to go by, and the minutes feel more like they’re in slow motion as we’re anticipating an attack. Nothing yet, though.

One of the survivors inside suddenly starts to hyperventilate. The others are trying to keep them quiet, and I can already feel the vein popping out of my head as I’m desperately hoping they’ll keep quiet. They’re panicking, further back in the building. Despite their location, I know that the Leech will pick up on it no matter what. It’d find us anywhere, so long as we are within its vicinity.

“We’ll die out here.” They start to panic, so far only in hushed tones. “We’re going to die. It will come for us.”

“Not if you keep quiet, Slav,” one of them chides. I can hear in their voice that they’re irritated, as well.

The Leech is still slinking by, feeling much closer than it actually is.

Ulaz is reaching over to try and cover Slav’s mouth. No use, though. That’s when he starts _whimpering._ Now is _not_ the time for this nonsense!

“I bet the children would be quieter than you,” I mutter under my breath.

“This is not a joking matter!”

His shout grates at my ears.

Time suddenly stops.

The Leech’s neck turns so fast that I can hear a crack from our distance. It’s looking right at the shelter. Right at us.

I’m about to scream.

“It’s looking right at us!” Slav shrieks.

“Will you _shut the hell up?!”_

That’s when the Leech _howls_ in pure _delight._

The survivors inside are clamoring in panic, trying to cower further back. I hurry to glance at Pidge, and she’s ready without me telling her. She has her pistol aimed, the safety off.

“Your shot is only gonna stun it. Fire at it from this distance, and while it’s down, I’ll go ahead and give it a killing blow.”

Her lips quirk up into a smirk. “I’m hoping that won’t be necessary.”

“What do you mea—”

_Bang!_

Within the current tension, it feels like the shot can be heard from miles around. I barely have time to register what just happened. From what I can tell, what just came out of that pistol looked similarly to a laser. As soon as it hit the Leech, it went _right through it._ The shriek is harsh on the ears, and I wince almost immediately at the sound. It falls to the ground abruptly, its black blood spread out along the circumference of where it once stood.

“...What was that?” I gasp.

“Check if it’s dead.”

She doesn’t answer my question, nor does she even acknowledge what I just said to her. She seemed so insistent on checking it that I don’t even bring myself to protest that it’s only been stunned. Plus, how do I even check if it’s alive?

Despite it, I walk over to the body, my footsteps slow as I warily look around for any signs of its friends nearby. So far, we’re clear, but it won’t be long before we’re ambushed. I’m sure of it. Taking a deep breath, I finally make the long haul over to where it lies.

Its entire midsection has been obliterated, spidery white streaks splayed out across its pale, bloodied skin. Its mouth is still wide open on their final scream. _Final._ Stunned Leech’s look more like they’re merely unconscious.

To test our little theory out, I tap its leg with my foot to see if it twitches.

Nothing.

“It’s...dead.” My eyes widen. I hurry to look back over at Pidge. “H-how did you...”

Pidge looks more relieved that her weapon _actually works_ than by the issue at hand. She looks at me with these bright eyes, since she had just come to a startling conclusion to her findings.

“We need to talk to the others when we get back. Allura is having a conference with Marmora upon our return.”

“But, how did you make a weapon that can kill it?”

“I’ll explain everything when we get back!”

Hunk and Keith arrive for the next load of survivors, and the both of them are startled at the sight before them. Lance aims his rifle at it, still unsure of whether or not the Leech is actually dead.

My questions will remain unanswered for a long while.

 

_The video call takes place as_ planned. We contact the Blade of Marmora, and I didn’t even know what I was expecting.

My immediate reaction is absolute terror. I’ve always assumed that all Galra were in on their diabolical plans. I guess that is a broad, closed way to look at things. It’s not like I can help it. The way that Kolivan, Antok, and Regris all look at us from the other side of the screen makes me shudder. Ulaz being a part of the survivors still wasn’t enough to lessen the blow.

The survivors are safe and sound, being fed now that Hunk was able to make enough food to nourish them. It’s been a _very_ long day for them. I’m merely listening to the call, not actually a part of the conversation. It’s as if I’m completely numb to it all.

Keith is next to me during the call. I feel his hand on the small of my back, which is the most soothing touch I can allow despite my jittering.

“This man is Lieutenant Shirogane.” Allura is introducing me now to segue into the topic of my arm. “He’s the sole survivor of the Galaxy Garrison and was on Planet Daibazaal. We found him a month earlier, after he’d killed a Leech using his arm. It’s a strange prosthetic, and we’re close to finding a specific reason why. Pidge has been running tests.” Little do they know that she apparently has her results figured out already.

“This could finally put us at an advantage,” Kolivan agrees. “We would like to receive insight as soon as possible.”

“Consider it done,” she answers.

Regris is focusing on me. “I’d like to see that arm.”

It sends a chill running down my spine.

“Where did he get something this powerful?”

My fist clenches as memories begin to flash in my mind. Beads of sweat run down the side of my face, and I’m finding it difficult to breathe.

_“Shiro...”_

I hear Allura addressing me by name, but as I bring myself to look at her, her face begins to distort. It’s no longer that regal, gentle face of my new leader. It has sinister shadows from a large hood and elongated, frail features. Her hand reaches out, exposing dark claws extending out from her bony hand.

“Shiro.” Haggar’s voice comes out of her mouth. Its cold, venom soaked tone makes me freeze up in this suddenly bright, empty room. _“Show them your arm.”_

I have to bend to her every whim. It doesn’t matter how much I’m desperately trying to conserve my free will. When she speaks, I must obey her every command. It’s what I’ve been conditioned to do.

I stretch my arm out, reaching above my head so that everyone can see it. As I’m tense and incredibly frightened, it burns and glows. My body feels rigid. I can hear the Blade of Marmora making more comments while their eyes are fixed on it. It’s not a reaction I particularly like.

“That’s Galra tech.”

It takes me right back to what I think is reality, because Allura is looking at me in shock, with no indication that Haggar was ever really there. Keith’s hand moves away from my back, and he’s now standing in front of me. And as Antok gasps out that obvious fact, everyone’s eyes in the room are staring at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me.
> 
> [tumblr](http://tiff-the-little-wanderer.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/wandering_tiff)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to feel real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has flashbacks and of course a sex scene ;) Have fun!

_“Where did you get that?” I_ can feel Antok’s hard glare.

“So, the Galra _do_ know about the Leeches.” Allura gasps. “And not only that, but they knew enough to develop a weapon capable of taking them out.”

They’re all talking at once, but I’m too overwhelmed to say anything to them.

“This is a setup,” Lance says. “I’ve seen their ship flying by constantly, ever since Daibazaal was evacuated. I saw them do _nothing_ to stop them from invading.”

“We _all_ did.” Hunk glares.

Allura steps closer to me, and Keith keeps trying to use himself as a shield. “How much do you know, Shiro?”

“N-nothing.” I clear my throat, and even then my voice is shaky. “I know nothing.”

“As far as we can tell, the Galra have been neutral in the situation, when Zarkon did not come to Arus after the evacuation. And as we realized how often they visited without giving us any information or advice on how to deal with this problem, they became an enemy to the alliance.” Allura glares pointedly at my arm. “I had my suspicions, but with the Blades’ knowledge of their technology, I know I’ve seen enough. So, how much do you know? Are you a spy?”

“What? That’s ridiculous!” How could she think such a thing?

Hunk gets closer with a nod. “Yeah. Seeing as you’re the only one that survived the Garrison, you could’ve easily done something to gain the emperor’s trust and have you become their asset.”

“Traitor!”

I don’t know who said that, but it’s making me feel further backed into a corner. I _know_ the truth. Why can’t I just tell them?

“You’re all being ridiculous!” Keith glares at them. “Shiro is _not_ a traitor!”

“Keith, I’ll speak for myself.” I stand before them, still feeling small underneath their glares. There’s only so much I can do, but I just have to hope they’ll believe me. The thought of talking about the entire ordeal in front of all these people scares me, and I just want to keep it brief.

“When we were supposed to evacuate the planet, Colonel Holt called the emperor to gather up Daibazaal’s population. We had an agreement, but it seemed that Zarkon had other plans. Not even twenty minutes had gone by, and suddenly we were under attack, with no trace of Galra citizens to be found. I realize now that most of them had already left the planet.”

“We were no match for the Leeches, as all of the soldiers had died within minutes. They were about to surround me when a vehicle ran them over, stunning them. They were Galra, and I was hoping that they’d take me with them to evacuate. Immediately I was captured.”

I don’t want to talk about it anymore. The experiences are coming back and feeling far too real for me. But would they believe me still if I stopped? Probably not. I have to push myself.

“They sure have a funny way of treating their spies, don’t they? I was in a prison cell for two years, with barely any food or water. When I wasn’t in there, I was in a lab being tested on like an animal. And this arm wasn’t _given_ to me. One day they got rid of my real one and put this... _machine_ on it to replace it. Before I can let them do more tests, I _escaped._ I wouldn’t let myself nearly die if I was their spy.”

What follows is a stunned silence. Keith looks greatly concerned, and I sure hope that he knows this isn’t the whole story. I’m not going to let myself break down in front of any of them.

I take a deep breath to regain my composure. It only works somewhat. “What we should be asking is _how_ they know about these aliens. _How_ do they know how to stop them?”

“I’m about to give you some answers.”

Pidge enters the room, and I glance back to watch her hold up a hard drive.

“The results in here are pretty fascinating. And thanks to the tech from Shiro’s arm, that just fills in a few more pieces.”

I’m genuinely nervous to find out about all this. Pidge steps to the front, while the Blades are still on call to listen. She plugs the drive in, and it shows in-depth images of the Leech’s blood, their body, and the material from my arm.

“Its physical properties are similar to that of tar. From eyewitness testimonies, we know that whatever is in their path either suddenly disappears without a trace or is so lifeless that there is no trace of quintessence to be found. And there is no sign of any natural origin of these aliens.”

That just paints the Galra as being more sinister. My blood starts to run cold.

“So, you’re saying that these things were created artificially?” Allura asks.

Pidge gives her a shrug. “That’s just one theory. I can’t trace their origin on any home planet. If not created by someone else, then there’s also a possibility they can reproduce asexually. But that’s up for discussion another time.”

“Their properties are startling and nothing like anyone has ever seen before. It’s as if they’re the closest embodiment to a black hole to ever be created in the universe. They suck everything in their path, and that comparison makes the most sense. We’ve all seen what they can do to a planet.”

Hunk looks at Pidge in shock. “If they were created by someone else, that means they _intended_ mass destruction. It could be the Galra!”

“Unfortunately, it’s all coming together,” Regris frowns. “I don’t understand why they’d destroy Daibazaal, though.”

“Maybe it was even too difficult for _them_ to contain,” Pidge explains. “Here is why I further conclude that they’re similar to black holes. Even the land they walk on has a trace of their existence. I’ve seen them walk on grass. As soon as their feet get up off the ground, the area where they were just standing on is pale and barren.”

“Quintessence is their lifeblood, and they will suck the life out of _anything_ to get it. Humans, Alteans, Galra... and those are just intelligent beings. They’ll suck life from the elements, too. They’ll take it from animals, crops, water, and the air, even. They won’t stop until this planet is completely lifeless.”

“Their mere existence is even left behind in the elements they touch. Some bodies of water are poisoned, and they’re eating away at _anything_ they can sink into.”

None of this is surprising to me, but I watch everyone look grim as they’re assessing what Pidge just said.

“Is there any way of reversing it?”

“There is none,” she sighs. “Our best course of action is to leave Arus as soon as possible.”

Allura nods. “As soon as we can develop the equipment we need. We can’t leave if we don’t have proper aircrafts or weapons.”

“The good news is that I was able to create a prototype for ammunition that can take out Leeches for good.”

Coran still looks at the material, but he’s just as confused as all of us when he hears her sudden statement. “How were you able to come up with it?”

“The answer to your question is Shiro’s arm.”

I was afraid of that.

“If the arm is made by the Galra, then they’re the only ones that know about the Leeches’ weakness. The arm has heating properties because contained within the hand is a highly compressed gas.”

The gas?

My blood starts growing cold.

“They’ve used technology that allows the arm to be controlled by his mind. From observing him in the lab, it glows when he’s distressed and experiencing denominations of fear and rage. Whatever that gas is made of, it’s incredibly toxic. I’m sure that if any of us were trapped in a room filled with it, we’d be dead within minutes.”

So, Haggar’s gas that was in the white room is the gas in my hand? And those mock Leeches in the room with me during those experiments... were they real after all?

I’m starting to feel sick.

“If we can somehow obtain this gas and keep it contained, we’ll be able to use its properties in our weaponry. And we could use it as a protective barrier.”

I wanted to end this discussion as soon as possible. “These all sound incredibly effective.” On the outside, I tried to remain calm while talking to them. “We’ll have to regroup and discuss how to make it happen.”

“Regroup?” Lance frowns. “You mean, talk about it later? But we need to figure it out _now._ ”

“We do. I’ll be able to come up with something after we just take some time to think about it.”

Allura watches them and keeps her arms crossed. “I suppose we can adjourn the meeting. Blades, we’ll resume our discussion within the week.”

I don’t feel comfortable with being here any longer. I step out of the room and soon as I can, rushing to the only refuge I have. And even then, as I enter my room and settle on the bed, I can already feel the walls closing in.

I hold my head in my hands, still trying to mentally process this. Why me? Why did they do this to me? I feel so sick, and I don’t want this arm as a part of my body anymore.

“Fuck!” I hurry to flinch my hands away from my face. Right where my right hand was touching, it was starting to burn my skin. I hold it out as far away from my body as possible, at that point.

Do they at least believe me now? They don’t still think that I’m a spy, do they? I don’t know what I’d do if they tried to send me back to the Galra. Or... what if they’d decided to execute me?

No, that’s ridiculous. Besides, if anyone would be abhorrently against that, Keith wouldn’t let that happen. But what do I do? Is there really... _anything_ more that I can do? I suppose I’ll just have to wait for what our next plans are.

To aggravate my anxiety even further, no one comes into my room.

 

_It’s an incredibly rough night again._ All I can think of as I’m tossing and turning is the true horrors behind my arm. It lurks in the shadows like a monster, and it keeps getting closer and closer. It reaches out with its sick talons to come and claim me. Inside my mind, it doesn’t help my situation in the slightest. Everything is coming at me at once. They’re waiting for the perfect moment to put my out of my misery. And what about the others? They still haven’t come in to talk to me. I missed dinner. I don’t even know how to face them, after everything they’d just found out. And these phantoms that are trying to claim me never even try to take that opportunity. I’m almost to the point of begging for it.

I don’t want to admit this out loud, but I’m just so afraid. I’m trying not to listen to the taunts or the voices trying to convince me that this arm makes me much more of a monster than I realize. What if my arm isn’t the only thing that they’d changed about me? What kind of big scheme were the Galra trying to make me a part of?

_“...Shiro?”_

If Keith’s voice didn’t make me jump out of my bed, the knock on the door surely did. I’m just realizing now that I’m drenched in sweat, and I’m barely able to register if what’s going on around me is real or not. I just want to hide.

_“Shiro? Are you okay?”_

Yet again, he tries to get my attention. I almost want to beg for him to come in, but I can’t find my voice just yet. I need that closeness from him. I know that he’ll help me. Despite being hindered vocally, Keith’s gracious enough to step in regardless.

He walks into the room and moves right up to the bed. His steps are taken in slow strides. “What’s wrong?”

“What _isn’t_ wrong, at this point?” I grimace, shivering in my bed despite being far from cold.

“Shiro...” he sighs. “I know that it’s not easy to take Pidge’s results in. But the only thing we can do is to work through it together.”

“You mean ‘we’ as a team, right?”

Keith diverts his eyes and gives a slow nod. “I guess you can say that.”

I watch him closely, wanting to think or talk about something else. _Anything_ else.

“Hey, Keith? You remember what day we were supposed to get married?”

Keith’s eyes soften. “How can I forget? We were gonna have an October wedding, because we wanted to look forward to two events that month.”

“Right,” I grin. “Two weeks before your birthday.”

He rubs his arm while staying seated on the bed. “Shiro... can you please tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me about what happened,” he says. “I want to know. I hate thinking about it, knowing I could do nothing to stop it.”

“You couldn’t have prevented it. It was unavoidable.” There’s a tremor in my voice that I’m trying to hide. “I guess... telling you is the least I can do. There’s a lot more to the story than I said out there.”

“I figured as much.” He gulps and reaches out to touch my shoulder. “You don’t have to keep hiding it from me. Okay?”

“Okay. I’ve waited long enough. If we’re all going to work together, I must be honest. Right?”

“Right.”

I see a small smile on his face. It already begins to ease my tension. I’ve hated being separated from him while I was staying here. Maybe I’ll begin to trust myself enough so that we can sleep in the same room together again. Oh, how I’ve missed that.

In the best way I possibly can, I try to gather my thoughts together for him. “Haggar experimented on me. I was put into this white room, and I couldn’t see any way out of it. Inside there, they’d put what I thought were mock clones of the Leeches. But after I realized what my arm was made of, I started thinking that maybe these things were real. Inside that room, whenever the experiments were over, they’d fill that entire room with that gas. It’d kill them instantly. And I can tell you from firsthand experience, that gas is incredibly toxic. Pidge is right about that. None of us would survive very long in there, even if I’ve grown more tolerant to it. It nearly killed me several times.”

I watch Keith’s face for any type or reaction. So far, he’s just intrigued, sitting there with his hands folded and fingers twitching. He’s fighting an impulse, and I’m not sure what it is.

“I’ve been trapped on a ship with other prisoners. The Galra would go to different planets and capture more prisoners. There were dozens of us. And we were all taking part in these experiments. Most of the prisoners died from breathing in too much of the gas. Those that did survive, including myself, fought against each other. I suppose it was to test our dominance. And there were also instances where we all had to fight, with Leeches also in there trying to kill us.”

“There was then a point where I was able to fight people _and_ win. That was when the Galra started wanting to do more with me. Haggar constantly had me under her experiments. And despite being dehydrated and starving, I’d managed to pull through their first tests and got them to like me. I was more than just a number to them. I became a top choice specimen.”

“‘Top choice specimen’ still isn’t that much of an upgrade from ‘number,’ Shiro.” Keith bites his lip, and as we’re talking he moves closer to me. “So basically... you were like a guinea pig to them.”

“In several ways, yes. But it’s much more than that,” I confess. “They embraced my abilities to be more aggressive when under pressure. When I got there, there were dozens of us in the facility. By the time I escaped, there were probably six of us left.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, and he says nothing this time around. He just stares at me, and I can’t tell what he’s feeling when I look into his eyes. He reaches out to extend his hand, but he falters when he’s about to touch my shoulder. I do nothing to stop him.

“I wouldn’t go down without a fight, though. During the first several months that I was there... I think it was months anyways, I tried breaking my way out. As a result of that, they’d lessened my food rations. Most of my experiences were fuzzy. Supposedly, at one point I was getting to primal after being there for so long. I’d try and bite the guards, whenever they were transporting me from my cell to the lab. It got so bad that they put this muzzle on me. It was very uncomfortable, and it dug into my skin. I wore it for several months, without any breaks. That’s how I got this scar.” I point to the bridge of my nose, where I can feel the gnarled skin upon touching it. “The only way I was able to get it off was when I finally promised to comply.”

I wanted to add that I’d felt more like a broken stallion than a human being at that point, but I saved him from that type of detailing and mindset. I start to feel the shadows drift further away, the longer that Keith is in the room with me. I can relax, now. But my story’s far from over, and he knows it.

“What about... your arm?” he asks slowly.

I know I have to cross that bridge and tell Keith about that. I've gone this far, after all this time that I’ve denied him the chance to get close to me. He has to know. I have to give him that much, but it’s just incredibly hard to talk about it out loud. It’s not impossible, though. When I start, there’s the grueling side effect of being sucked back into those painful memories.

 

* * *

 

_I stared around at the bodies_ of the test subjects and creatures that were reduced to nothing more than scattered corpses. They had to have known that once coming into the glass room, they were as good as dead. They had to have known that once coming into this glass room, they were as good as dead. They should’ve said their prayers upon seeing me in the back corner. They didn’t stand a chance.

Haggar’s raspy and familiar voice started up from the intercom, and it reverberated off the walls as she proclaimed, _“You’re ready.”_

My limbs were restrained by several guards, and although I wasn’t sure what I was “ready” for, I was starting to lose my will to fight back. No matter what I tried, they’d counterattack with double the strength I had.

The room that I was placed in was dark and cold. Trying to fight it was a challenge that I sought to conquer. Try as I might, however, I was strapped up to this table without so much as putting a dent in. I’ve proven my strength more than enough in the room, but when it came to these guards, I can barely kick my legs? None of this is fair!

My fists clench tightly once caught in the restraints, and my jaw grits as I’m trying to desperately fight it. There _has_ to be a way out of these restraints, and I’m going to find it.

What was I ready for, anyways? At the time, I didn’t understand but knew I didn’t want any part of it.

Several Galra wearing surgical masks step in, but their hands were far from being sterile. Much like the saw that sudden was in their possession. Now I was getting a better idea of what was happening. There _had_ to be a specific reason why my right arm was elevated and stretched out. Back then, I’d thought that maybe they were going to stick needles in me, or something along those lines. That would’ve been a much better fate for me, in my opinion.

I remember screaming. I was screaming for them to stop, begging that they’d let me go. They gave me nothing for the pain. And with all this stress tacked on, as well as the angle I was forced to watch this disgusting display from, nothing could’ve prepared me for just the sheer magnitude of the pain that shot through my entire arm as they worked _excruciatingly_ slow in sawing it off.

No one said anything to me as I was screaming. No one glanced away from revulsion, nor did anyone offer condolences. After all, why would they? The “doctor” that held the saw was straight up laughing, muttering in a language I couldn’t understand. It just added further anxiety onto my already tense body.

I saw the blood oozing and spraying from my wound before feeling it on my skin, my face... Part of me hoped that I was dreaming. Oh, how I wish that I was. When they finally got to the bone and started to add more pressure, I thought I was going to die.

I nearly blacked out, but the other “doctors” kept prodding at me to keep me awake. I don’t remember what they’d used, but it was sharp, digging into my side. They’d sudden stopped, when they were half-way done, the saw still lodged in place.

Were they going to just _leave_ it like this?!

The feeling was still far too unbearable, and I remember crying. I nearly lost my voice during the entire ordeal, from how much I’d been screaming. They’d ripped through my throat, eventually turning it raw and making it feel like fire. It was just too much for me. If I’d thought I was dying before, I was practically begging for the sweet release of death then.

My body was still tense, and I tried gripping on to _something_ to endure the second half of the process. When it was over, however, they all just shook it off, disposing of my detached limb like it was rubbish. I was forced to watch them mess with it and measure it, and I couldn’t stop crying.

They still wouldn’t let off of me, either. They kept prodding at me, keeping me conscious. I barely noticed when they stuck a needle in me, right in my side. There were no signs of relief to be found.

The bionic prosthesis was shoved into place, digging right into the now exposed bone. It was fastened tightly, the abrasion growing too much for me still. Never had I so badly felt like there was no way to end my suffering. I was on a borderline between states of consciousness, and I’d lost an astronomical amount of blood to still be considered alive.

_“Shiro...”_

I’m still sucked into this horrible flashback, so the voice calling my name sounded far too distant. I relive the utter fear coursing through me as I was dragged out, my legs feeling flimsy. Being inside that white room again felt like I was under a bitter curse. There was no way that I could survive much more of this. Much to my dismay, it seemed that I had no choice but to keep going.

The Leeches soon surrounded the room, just as the walls were closing in around us. They were bringing us closer together, making it harder for me to concentrate.

_“Shiro.”_

I realize at some point, as my hand begins to glow that sickening color for the very first time, that the voice I’m hearing call my name doesn’t belong to anyone from this setting. The Galra always called me by my assigned number, but never my name.

 

* * *

 

_“Shiro, stop.”_

_I feel winded when I finally_ cut myself out of that flashback. I’ve had enough of looking at those memories. I quickly cover my face as it all painfully pours back into my subconscious like a bucket of acid. No matter how much I would try to push my past back, it still won’t change the fact that I can’t hide myself from it for long.

“Shiro?”

I look up at Keith, seeing that he’s now right beside me. I can’t hold back on my impulses anymore. I want to reach out and hold him, but will he let me?

I then see him slowly open up his arms, and I’m more than willing to sink right into them.

Finally, I can feel the last bits of my tension and stress ease away, even if it’s only for a short amount of time. I’m crying into his shoulder, despite all my attempts to keep the tears held back. In response, I feel his fingers curl tighter into the fabric of my clothing and his hair tickling against my cheek as he burrows his face further into the crook of my neck. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve felt so insecure.

“Thank you...” is my shuddering response. I hold him as closely as I can, and he returns in kind. I feel his body shifting into my lap, and my hands travel to hold his waist.

Keith pulls up to look at me. His eyes were probably as tear-stained as my own, and I want nothing more than to kiss those worries away.

What shocks me the most is that Keith’s the one that does it first.

The kiss immediately takes my breath away. All at once, I just feel relieved, soothed, and grateful. We lie back on the bed, doing nothing but giving each other slow, soft kisses. It isn’t until we both need air that we stop, and Keith’s staring at me intently while his hand caresses my shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” I tell him, my voice but a whisper.

He nods with a tender smile while inching closer, and he kisses me once more. “I’ve missed you too, Shiro.”

It’s as if we’d just started dating again. We’re both so nervous to make another move, and my breath gets shakier every time I think about it. Including the time I’ve been away, we’ve spent over six years together. _Still_ I feel too wary to even breathe in his presence.

Everything we’re doing feels like it’s the very first time.

We start kissing each other again so hard that it almost hurts. It’s as if we’re both realizing how starved we are. I don’t even try to show restraint. My tongue flicks up the roof of his mouth, and I can feel Keith’s whine as well as the bulge that’s forming in between his legs.

“Shiro,” he gasps out when we finally pull away. I’m hovered upright above him, looking down as hair starts falling in my face. It only hinders my vision briefly, and he’s reaching out to place his hands on my cheeks.

“Keith, it’s been so long,” I gulp nervously. What if I’m unable to please him? I have a thought that’s even worse than that. What if I hurt him? “I don’t know my own strength anymore.”

“No, it’s okay,” he murmurs gently. “Please. I need you.”

I can feel a pulse radiating through me as he begs. He always knows how to rile me up. I dip my head down to give him another kiss, and I feel his hand take hold of my wrist. The prosthetic now is the only thing holding me up, and I barely struggle to keep balance. He moves my hand to his chest to ghost my fingers over his frame so slowly that it’s almost painful.

The tremors that go through him are arousing to watch. He looks up with this excited, yet shaky grin, and my fingers brush against the fabric of his clothing. He guides me down, down, and further down to his crotch. A sudden jolt courses through me when I hear a soft hum escape his lips.

“Please,” he whispers while shivering underneath me. “Touch me.”

It’s almost impossible to deny his request. I can’t keep myself restrained any longer. I’ll surely burst, if I do. My fingers curl to hold the bulge between his legs in a soft grip, and the response is immediate. It edges me further along, and I’m helpless to its effects.

He nods quickly, eagerly, and I remove his shirt in haste. It’s too frustrating to take his pants off right now, so we settle in this dry exchange first. Soon, I will take more initiative. But for right now, I need to test the waters.

While keeping my prosthesis firmly rooted in the bedsheets, I find the courage to slither my other hand inside his pants. He emits soft gasps, and his stomach tenses up. I love the way his breath hitches when he’s taken off guard. I tend to do that a lot. Everything feels just as hot as I remember. I know him so well that I’m not even surprised when realizing he’s not wearing boxers underneath his pants. He’s always dressed down like this when settling for bed. Plus, it’s given me more leeway on nights that we’d decided to change our usual routine to a more intimate engagement together.

I love seeing the genuine excitement on Keith’s face when I finally take hold of his cock. Keeping the action underneath his pants, I stimulate the length of it in slow, loose strokes. It has him groaning within moments, his teeth digging into his bottom lip while he has this fiery look in his eyes. I can see how blown out they are, even with limited lighting in the bedroom.

His hips arch up, just enough to me to notice.

I can feel the tent growing tighter in my pants, and it’s almost agonizing, the more that my mind dwells on it. But every time that I move to grip tighter, I start to feel apprehensive. He keeps shaking his head during my hesitations and encouraging me, but it’s too much for me to actually relax and fall into it.

He decides that the best course of action is to leave me no choice but to settle down. He does this by pulling me down by my shoulders and kissing me hard. It’s not as painful as the other kisses, but I feel compelled to move further along. I don’t bother taking my time anymore. Despite my frustration, I manage to pull his pants down to his ankles, where he then kicks them off so he can spread his legs on either side of my frame. His hands slither further down my body, sending more chills.

I dwell on yet another agonizing thought as I’m touching him. Here he is, sprawled out and naked underneath me. I still have yet to take my own clothes off. It’s too painful for me to think about, since I know what kind of ugly scars are hidden underneath them. Then again, he _has_ seen them before while he was nursing me back to health.

This is different, though. This is a much more intimate setting. He’s going to be seeing the worst aspects of myself when we’re supposed to be having sex. I’m growing less excited about being with him this close and now am feeling more anxious thinking about the possibility of him being turned off by how I look now. It seems silly to suspect these things from the man that somehow still wants to marry me, but I can’t help but think that.

Maybe he realizes that I’m having these thoughts. His brows knit closer together in concern, and he wordlessly starts to slide my shirt up from behind me. Despite the way my heart threatens to burst out from my chest, I make no move to stop him. I’m frozen in my spot, and during my state of shock, I let go of his cock. He doesn’t seem too disappointed in the lack of attention, and his focus is on trying to get my clothes off.

He looks at them like he’s insulted. The shirt gets dragged further up my torso, and his elbow nudges at one of my arms in an effort to get me to follow his movements. I swallow hard, holding back the sudden bile that’s building up in my throat. The idea of exposing myself now is suddenly making me feel sick.

“Shiro, it’s okay,” he assures me slowly, but finally he realizes my fears and stops making any more efforts to undress me. “You know I don’t mind how you look... right?”

“I know I should,” I rasp. “But I can’t help but think that—”

“Do you trust me?” I try not to think that he’s hurt by my answer, but it’s hard. He doesn’t look upset with me, but I know he’s trying his damn best to be patient with me.

In the end, that alone makes me feel more comfortable.

“I do.” I smile and give him a slow nod.

“Even if it’s only for a short while, I want to help you forget.” He finally discards my shirt, and despite the way my hands shake from anxiety, he soothes me by running his hands up and down my sides. “I don’t want you to feel scared anymore. How can I help?”

When his hand touches my face, I nuzzle into it while kissing his palm. Not once do I look away from him. “You’re helping me right now.”

He hums and leans up to brush his lips against mine. My eyes slowly close, and as we’re lying here together, I resume my ministrations. His lips quiver another whine as I decided to pick up the speed in my hand on his cock, which is now at full mast. His hips roll up, and I help him shimmy the rest of my clothes off down to my knees. I’m so caught up in the moment that I don’t care anymore that these scars are exposed.

Even as I’m instantly apprehensive mentioning them now, he knows just how to ease those worries away by tugging on my lower lip with his teeth.

We both pull away after a short time, making sure that we’re fully stripped. I stay on my knees in front of him while he’s sitting up, his legs still spread. The starved look in his eyes makes me shiver. I feel helpless under his gaze, but for once it’s a good kind of helplessness. This is something that I can easily get around.

“See this?” He takes hold of my wrist again, paying no mind to the filthy things it was doing just earlier as he brings it up to his lips. He kisses the ring on my finger, his smile not once wavering. “This is how you know that I’ll never think of you any differently.”

“Keith...” I can’t hide my sudden astonishment. I don’t even remember what I was so nervous about earlier. With the two of us taking care of each other, there’s absolutely nothing on my mind that would dare ruin this moment for us.

“C’mere.” He beckons me to take us back to our position.

I jump slightly when his other hand takes hold of my cock. I’m well aware that I haven’t been touched in far too long, but the gratifying realization of it as he’s suddenly jacking me off at a pace that I never expected has my head spinning. Completely caught off guard, I hurry to take hold of the bed for leverage. I was scared of collapsing on top of him.

He lets out a pleased hum, his thumb pressing on a vein. It causes me to jolt again. I can barely keep my thoughts together anymore. I can’t help but feel even further compelled. I have to return the pleasure _somehow._ It’s an instant reaction that I have, and every fiber in my body is telling me to act on it.

_There._ I shiver on another moan as he pulls the hood over the head back. It sends more pleasurable tremors through me, and it’s so incredible that I’m starting to run out of words to describe these sensations.

Keith looks like he’s concentrating, and he’s become a man on a mission. I’m starting to forget all about what I was afraid of before Keith walked in. I don’t even remember being afraid. I think I’d cried at some point, but now I can’t recall the reason why. It’s all a blur to me now. All I can think of now is the way his lips languidly trace my muscles and how swiftly his hand moves along the length of my dick.

My hips push forward, and I feel Keith arching up again into it. The sudden sensation of our cocks rubbing together has me gasping. We’re soon going to have no idea what to do with our hands. Keith’s gasps turn into little yelps, and he tries to silence himself by crushing our lips together. It works just barely.

“That’s it...” he moans as my shoulders relax.

“Keith—what can I do?” My voice shakes as I try to talk to him.

“You know exactly what to do, babe.” He bends his legs back, and we both sigh out our frustrations while we pull away to just look at each other. He looks so ready, and I know how badly he wants me. It’s too obvious to miss.

I gulp while aimlessly glancing around the room. “B-but I don’t have anything.”

“I do.” His brows furrow, and it looks like he’s trying to plan it all out. “Maybe I can step out.”

“But you’re naked. Aren’t people going to notice?”

“I’ll redress, you ass,” he mutters playfully while sitting up. “This will only take a minute.”

“I’m holding you to that.” I move to shift my weight so that he can loosely tug his pants back on to step out of the room.

I know that he’s been trying to keep our relationship secret for the time being. I’m starting to wonder when he’s planning on telling the others. It’ll be difficult to not make any assumptions if they suddenly hear the noises that we’ll be making tonight.

After all, this is our _incredibly_ long overdue reunion night.

I suppose it’s roughly been only a minute when he finally returns. Just thinking about our relationship has kept any monsters or intrusive thoughts from coming back. If this is going to be Keith’s method of calming my nerves from now on, then I’ll never have to worry about a restless night ever again.

He hurries to take his pants off, hopping back into bed while tossing a bottle and strip at me. The lube is half empty.

“I’m surprised that there’s still any supplies like this left on Arus.”

“I paid a pretty penny for these,” he hums. “And do you have any idea how hard your size is to find these days?”

I blush while we settle back down. “I can only imagine...” I’m glad that this moment apart hasn’t hindered our arousal. “How are we doing this?”

He gives me a lopsided grin. We both know that we’re bound to be noisy. “since the others don’t really _know_ yet, we can do it like this.” He shifts on the bed to settle on his hands and knees. He then lowers his front, ass in the air while he spreads his legs apart. It’s a sight to behold. “An attempt to avoid suspicion.”

“Clever,” I tease. “Let’s see if it actually does the job.”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

I shift behind him and leave swift kisses down his shoulder. He squirms at the ticklish gesture, and I glance up briefly to see him holding onto the pillow. His head rests on it, and he relaxes further into my touch.

Holding the lube bottle in my hand and pouring the liquid onto my fingers feels sorely unfamiliar. I’m hoping to give him the best round of sex I can manage, despite being horribly out of practice.

Why am I still stalling?

I’m too nervous to use my metal hand, and I try my best to ignore the frustration of only using one arm. The only thing left to do is start already.

I gulp as my slicked fingers rub against his hole, and he jolts underneath me. To soothe his tension up and down his back, I lean down to give him kisses on his lower back. His shaky whines as my middle finger presses in makes me shiver. He’s always been so into it when we’re together, and I love it.

“You’re so tight, babe,” I chuckle breathlessly while looking down to watch myself work my finger further in. I’m starting to think that maybe we need more lube for this. I swallow down a groan before it has the chance to escape my lips.

His hips roll up into it, and it works as an aid to press in deeper. His noises are still shaky, and the pillow is muffling them, but I’m almost offended that he’s so quiet. It takes a second one prodding and working itself further in to have Keith start to keen underneath me.

It’s a satisfying reward that I’m willing to take. I want nothing more than to have him underneath me begging for it. His body is so compliant, his spine arching perfectly and his body relaxing under my touch. I hope that I can give him the proper reward that he deserves, for all the things he’s done for me leading up to this point. What I’m doing for him now feels like it’s dwarfed compared to his generosity.

“Takashi,” he whines, his voice growing shakier with each second that passes. “I need you.”

My mind stops working for a brief second, short-circuiting at just the words that come out of his mouth. I want to bend to his every whim, no matter what it takes to do so.

The third finger that goes in has him shuddering, and I know I’ll need to work a little better on keeping it slow. It’s been far too long since we’d done this.

“It’s okay,” I croon as I stretch him open, pressing soothing kisses over his shoulder blades. It earns more shivering as he grows slack.

He nods within his own delirium, his fingers curling into the sheets underneath us. I can’t deny him any longer.

When I finally pull my hand away, he whimpers, trying desperately to muffle it in the pillows. I can see how flushed he is from the brief instance I catch his reddened cheek while he’s nuzzling his face against the sheets. I mount him and give him more kisses, my hands shaking while I try adjusting the condom over my cock.

It only takes a couple tugs for it to reach full hardness. The lube feels hot against it, while I’m slicking myself up for Keith. Even while I’m bracing for it, I can feel how responsive he is already, his hips rolling up to try and bring me in closer.

I choke on a rushed breath, and it takes all my willpower not to slam right into him. And that’s even with his evident anticipation for it. When I do ease into him, I shudder while hearing him let out a relieved sounding moan underneath me.

_“Fuck,_ Keith...” I brace myself by holding his hip, rubbing up and down his side while we’re getting used to the feeling of each other. Something that was once so familiar to me is now like a subject I’m relearning all over again. Despite the nerves that eat at my insides, I let myself relax, working into him in slow, languid thrusts.

He shudders once more, his hips pushing up persistently.

“Patience,” I mumble into his shoulder while I kiss him. I curse myself internally, for even _I_ am not one for patience right now.

With the two of us settling, our breaths evening out, I find myself taking my time as I slide out about halfway. His fingers curl into the sheets again, his face buried further into the pillow as he’s getting ready to make noises. Not that he wasn’t making any of those musical sounds already.

The sudden rush of pleasure I feel as I thrust right back home is almost as satisfying as the shuddering whine I hear in response. If I was trying to show restraint before, there’s no way that I’ll be able to maintain it now. I know that we’re still not legally married yet, but the first thought that comes to my mind is that I want to please my husband.

I want to keep my husband pressed tightly against me as my hips rock up into his tight, incredible heat. And I do, building up a gradual momentum to keep both of us on our toes. His back arches up further from below.

I want to hold my husband’s hand. It comes down in between my thrusts, right over his own. My fingers lace between his in a vice grip, and I can subtly feel his ring while I’m trying to keep in mind that I want to go faster, and _faster._

As much as I want to make love to my husband, right now we both agree that I want to fuck him just as badly. He lets me, too, encouraging me with more whimpers that aren’t so muffled anymore. I grind deeper, earning a blissful cry while I’m snapping my hips forward.

I don’t even think as I take my right hand and press it firmly into his shoulder, holding him down for another delicious angle to take him in. He loves it, though. I can hear it in the way he continues to insistently beg, _“Please, Shiro, please,”_ and take it like his life depends on it. The way his ass looks when he rocks back is so enticing, and I’m not one to say no to his persuasions.

“Ohh _fuck,_ Shiro!” he whimpers, and I now realize that I’ve hit him _just_ right in the way that his voice shakes as he speaks. “There— _again,_ please!”

Who am I to say no? I keep a hold on his body for leverage as I use all my weight to give him exactly what he needs. I can’t bring myself to stop being so relentless, and Keith doesn’t seem to want that, either. I shake and shudder, feeling him clench around me as I’m keeping up with a hard, erratic pace. He’s riding back as much as I’m giving it to him, our hips smacking together loudly and _wetly_ in the darkened room.

There’s heat coiling within me, coming from all over my body. And there’s nothing I can do to stop myself from fucking him harder. His muffled cries are rewarding. The feeling inside me continues to burn, and with my eyes shut tightly, I grip Keith’s shoulder in my right hand.

“Nngh— S-shiro!”

I’m still going, desperate for release. I’m further indulged when hearing the sound of my name. The burning sensation is growing, and _growing—_

“Shiro, _stop!_ Stop, you’re hurting me!”

My eyes shoot open once realizing an artificial light was growing brightly in the room, more blinding by the second. I stare down at him, fully realizing that my arm is on his shoulder, _burning_ him. My heart jumps to my throat, and I quickly move it away. He’s still trembling and writing, no longer from pleasure. I don’t think twice about pulling out of him, and I hurry to turn the lamp on and see the damage.

I see tears in Keith’s eyes as he struggles to sit up, whimpering each time he moves his shoulder. The area where he’s burning— _where I hurt him—_ is a blistering red with dark tinges, his skin raw. Any longer, and it possibly could’ve been a third-degree burn.

“H-how bad is it?” Keith’s looking up at me, and I can see it in his eyes.

I see _fear._

_“I envy you, Shiro.”_

I see it again. The vision of a creature cowering back against the wall while they’re surrounded on all sides. They’re surrounded by Leeches. By _me._ I’m raising my arm up as it’s glowing horrendously bright, and it’s the exact position that had me trembling with fear underneath Sendak when he’d done the same to me, coming down on our prey with brute strength.

I can’t breathe.

“Hang on. I’m gonna get help.” I’m trembling as I get myself dressed again.

“Shiro, don’t leave me.”

I feel bad about denying his request, but I’m the last thing Keith needs right now.

“Matt!” I don’t care that it’s the middle of the night. Keith needs to be seen to. “Matt, we need help in here!”

He comes out of his room groggily, and it takes a bit for him to understand why he’s being rushed up to Shiro’s room. “What happened?”

“Keith’s hurt.” I realize that I’m starting to cry as I’m talking. “His shoulder—m-my hand. He’s hurt, and his shoulder’s burnt up. P-please, he needs help!”

“I’ll take him down to the infirmary. And you, _relax.”_ He hurries inside the room, and I hope Keith’s gotten himself dressed during that time.

_“I envy you.”_

Sendak’s words come back to haunt me again. I cower back, trying to keep his words from intruding again by tightly holding my head. As soon as my arm starts to burn again, I quickly move it from my face, wincing at the sudden heat.

“Shiro,” Keith whimpers as he’s walking with Matt. “Shiro, come down with me. Please. I’m okay, really.”

I stay frozen in my spot, watching Keith slowly break in front of me. He relents as Matt holds him and takes him downstairs. All I can see is that burn.

I slump back into my room, sliding down against the door as I choke out a sob and look down at my hand. I hear the monsters coming back to haunt me once more, now that I’m alone. But the voices that I hear now have a more sinister edge to them. The shadows take form, and staring back at me is something far crueler than I could ever imagine.

It’s me.

_“It’s not every day that someone gets their bloodlust satisfied by aiding in the destruction of an entire planet.”_ I hear my own voice, as well as Sendak’s, echoing those words back at me, and together they’re both laughing at me.

“Stop it!” I scream and hide myself further. I’m forced to finally face the truth. I can’t keep hiding from it anymore.

_I’m a monster._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Counting down the hours.

_I keep myself at a distance_ while Keith is healing in the infirmary. Occasionally I’ll pass by the door, trying to bring myself to open it but never actually doing it. How can I face him now, after what I’d just done?

I hurt him. And with the realization that I’ve done this to innocent civilians on other planets tacked onto it, it makes this whole situation just as worse. I don’t even remember half the things I’d done, but I know the body count is astronomical. How could I have brought myself to such a horrible low?

I’m waiting outside the infirmary now, just sitting by the door. I’ve only gone up to take part in missions. I have to tell the others that we need to rescue any more survivors and then get the hell off this planet as soon as possible. Despite the urgency, I can’t bring myself to speak. I haven’t eaten or slept in days.

Unfortunately, with Keith being injured, that meant we needed to come clean about our relationship. We couldn’t just give them no explanation. They _had_ to know what happened to cause such a burn, as delicate as talking about our intimacy is for me. So now, everyone knows.

The reaction was nothing like Keith and I originally expected. It almost feels like they already knew. At least, Allura did. Matt had to be told first, since I rushed Keith to him at such a weird time of the night. And after that bit of knowledge, no one really acknowledged it. That’s fine by me, really.

“Aren’t you gonna go in there?” Lance is hoisting his magazine over his shoulder as he’s headed to the tower for another vigil.

“He’s resting,” I mutter, keeping myself bunched up on the floor.

He sighs. “He’s burnt up. It’s not like you put him into a coma. He’s been asking for you for days.”

Hunk overhears us as he’s walking and nods, stopping to talk to us. “Lance is right. He thinks you’re abandoning him.”

“He doesn—f-fuck.” I groan and clutch at my scalp. “Why bother telling me that?”

“Because, well I dunno, you’re _married?”_ Hunk rolls his eyes.

“N-not... technically, but—”

“You’re basically married, Shiro.”

“Alright,” I groan. “It’s not that big of a deal, guys.”

“It _is_ a big deal! Are you kidding me? Don’t you realize that you’re leaving your _husband_ in the dark? He didn’t give up on you!”

“I never said that.” Getting on the defensive, I stand straight up. “I’d _never_ give up on him.”

“Then, prove it.” Lance makes his blunt remark before heading back on his way to the tower.

I stare down at the floor. “He knows I wouldn’t just... give up on him. I wouldn’t leave him at the drop of a hat.”

Hunk pointedly watches me, crossing his arms. “But... what are you doing right now?”

I wince at that. My case doesn’t look good at all. “I _hurt_ him, Hunk. I can’t go about this like I’m pretending it didn’t happen.”

“Then don’t. Talk through it. That’s what married couples do.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Don’t give me that,” he scoffs. “You’re thinking too much into it. Just go in there and talk to him. And we don’t have time for our team to be butting heads when our planet is literally dying by the second. Whatever it is, just talk it out.”

“B-but Hunk—”

“No buts,” he tuts. “Get in there, kiss, and make up. And don’t make me come in there.”

I finally give up, letting out a sigh and reluctantly glancing at the door. “Okay. Fine.”

“Good.” He crosses his arms.

My hand shakes as it hovers over the doorknob. It takes me a couple moments before I finally open it. It’s quiet in here, and my attention immediately goes towards the bed.

“...Keith?”

He’s resting with his eyes closed up until I speak. I see his eyes flutter open, and he looks at me with this blank expression.

“So... if Hunk didn’t yell at you, how long do you think it would’ve taken for you to come in here by yourself?”

I can’t bring myself to look at him, nor can I answer his question. “Can I see your shoulder?”

His hand trembles while he’s undoing the bandages. “They need to be changed anyways.”

As he takes it off, I wince at the sight of his blistered skin. It’s so dry, too. It’s going to leave terrible scars. And _I_ did that to him. _I_ hurt him. Nothing will ever make up for that.

“Oh, Keith...” I’m this close to sitting beside him, but every muscle in my body is screaming at me to stay away from him. I’ll just end up hurting him again. I’m a monster.

“I waited for you,” he says softly, his voice hoarse. “Every day... Matt and Hunk took better care of me than my own husband. How sad is that?”

I gulp and nervously look at him. “W-we’re not technically married yet, Keith.”

He gives me a look that could kill. “Since when?”

“W-well, since—”

“Did you just come in here to remind me of technicalities, or are you here to act like you care? Because you’re sending me mixed signals here.”

“It’s not like that,” I protest. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Keith.”

“Wow, you’re doing a _real_ great job of that. If you really didn’t want to hurt me, then you wouldn’t have just cut ties with me like that, you fuck,” he retorts. “I’d like to think that you loved me enough to not abandon me.”

“I _do_ love you, Keith.”

“But not enough to call me your husband.”

“Wha—” this feels incredibly slanted. “Of _course_ you’re my husband, Keith. I just want you to have the ceremony you’ve always wanted.”

“That’s never. Going. To _happen_!”

He punctuates his phrase while trying not to choke on sobs. I feel so sore, because I know he’s right. Both our families are long since gone. Our friends that hung out with us in college are gone. All we have left is Voltron.

“Our goodbye ceremony, or whatever the hell you wanna call it, that was it.” He’s shaking. “That’s all we have, Takashi.”

“I-I know, Keith.” I want to touch him. I want to show him how much I understand what he’s saying and how much I love him by holding him. But I can’t. If I felt like I couldn’t touch him before, I sure as hell can’t now. It hurts too much to think about it. “I do. I’m sorry. I love you, _so_ much, Keith. See?”

Just like he’d done for me on our night together, I hold my hand out, showing the ring to him.

“That means nothing changes,” I assure him gently. “Okay?”

He nods and reaches out to hold my shoulder. I flinch back immediately, and the hurt on his face is enough to shatter my insides.

“I know what happened was... incredibly scary. But I don’t want you to leave me like that. Please. I’ve stayed right by you when you needed me the most. I expect the same to be done for me in return.”

“Yes. Yes, I promise,” I rasp. “You deserve that from me, at the very least.”

He nods with a careful smile. “You’ve always picked me up when I was done when we were dating. And while we were engaged... I didn’t want that to ever go away.”

My hand grips into the bedsheets, and I feel them creasing underneath my fingertips. “I wish that I could do more for you, Keith. But... t-there’s something you need to know about me.”

He tilts his head. “There was more that you were keeping from me. I knew that. I’d told you to stop.”

“Yeah, I know. If you knew this about me, then I’m one hundred percent positive that you would look at me in a completely different way. And the worst part is that I don’t remember most of it happening.”

“Shiro...”

“There was this Galra that was stuck with me in these experiments. His name was Sendak, and he was much stronger than I was. If I’d stayed stuck on that ship for any longer, then I would’ve had this monstrous, large arm like the one he had. And I’d always thought he hated me, but now I know the truth. He was jealous of me.”

“What for?” he frowns.

“T-that’s the thing.” I’m skating around this steadfast. It’s a lot different saying it aloud than it is to think about the evils I’d done. “What I don’t remember at all while I was captured was seeing the different test subjects that I’d talked about during my talk. I’d said that they were other prisoners, but according to Sendak, I was wrong.”

“I wouldn’t take what Sendak says to heart. It sounds like he wants nothing more than to hurt you.”

“That much I’m aware,” I sigh. “But I remember seeing fear... in this creature’s eyes that was cowering in a corner while I was towering over them and my arm was ready to slice into them. Keith, I’m sorry. I’m a monster.”

I see his body still during a fraction of silence. He keeps trying to say something but pausing. “So. You’ve killed people. And you were bent to do so against your will.” He raises a brow. “Much like in war?”

“Now’s not the time to turn this into a joke, Keith,” I mutter and pinch my brow. “No kind of bright side or comfort can change or take back what I’d done. I’d helped the Galra destroy worlds.”

“The Galra destroy...” All of a sudden, his whole face lights up. This is supposed to be a grim subject matter, and here he is having this random _“Eureka!”_ moment. “Shiro, do you even realize what this means?”

“What?”

“Pidge’s theory... she was right! The Galra have been in on it all along! It should’ve been glaringly obvious! Sending the entire Galaxy Garrison to Daibazaal was a trap to completely lower our defenses on Arus! They did the same thing to Altea and all those other planets! The Leeches weren’t born. They were _made._ They had to have been created in a lab! How else would the Galra know exactly how to kill them? How else would they have been able to develop the perfect toxin to kill not only any creature in its path, but the _Leeches_ as well? They’ve essentially developed a plan to make themselves completely unstoppable.”

“But why?” I gasp. “What do they want? The universe?”

“It seems like it,” he laughs out, sounding like he’d just been punched in the gut. “We have to tell Allura. Everyone has to know. We have to get out of here and find a planet as far away from this quadrant as possible. The further away we are from them, the safer and better off we’ll be. We have to take all the survivors with us, too. And hopefully, the planet we’ll find is peaceful and will let us stay with them while we seek refuge and repopulate.”

“Keith, you’re a genius,” I beam. I’m so thrilled that I could kiss him! Only...

He’s too wild to be focused on minute details. “Let’s go tell her—”

“Slow down there,” I scold as I get up. He’s still planted on the bed, after failing to get up on his own. “Matt said you still need another day to stay here and rest. Do not get up from this bed. I’ll tell her myself. And don’t worry, I’ll give both you and Pidge all the credit.”

“You’d better. I thought long and hard about that,” he pouts.

“I’ll be back,” I promise him as I rush out. As I’m on my way to Allura’s office, I absorb everything I’d just heard.

The Galra had officially outsmarted the rest of the galaxy by creating the universe’s most powerful weapon. It’s a literal destroyer of worlds, and its only weakness could do just the same amount of damage, if not more, with or without them. There genuinely was no real reason why I’d be used to help kill the population of planets with the amount of power they already had.

They’d only used me to kill others simply because they could. Knowing that makes my blood boil hotter than I’d ever felt in my entire life.

 

_“It looks like there’s nothing in_ this quadrant.”

“Then check another,” Allura assures Pidge as we’re all looking at the map.

Lance frowns as he stares at the coordinates. “How far do you think we even need to _be?_ With that kind of power, they could come at us any time they want to.”

“We’re not gonna let that happen,” I assure him. “We’ll be one step ahead of them.”

“How’s Hunk’s work coming along?” Allura then asks as Coran steps into the room.

“He’s gathered some Arusians to help him with the hardware. He told me that the ship we’ll need to take us to the other side of the universe will need to be enormous in size, as well as incredibly fuel-efficient. He’s ready to burst, with how excitedly he’s working in there.”

“Excellent. With that high of energy, we’ll have it ready in no time at all.” She looks through some messages on her monitor. “I’d informed Marmora of our findings, and they’re on board with helping us evacuate the planet. They’d found no survivors, but they’re bringing their provisions in numbers. We’ll have enough smaller aircrafts to take in as many as hundreds of extra people.”

“but how do we tell civilians that we’re evacuating? We can’t leave anyone behind.”

“Maybe we can set up a distress call?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Lance,” I reply. “If the survivors hear the call, then there’s a high chance the Galra will hear it as well.”

“You’re right,” he sighs. “But what do we do?”

“Well, we now have a broad population of Arusians close by,” Pidge offers. “Maybe they can help us locate more survivors. If there’s anyone that knows where people are, it’s them. And with them helping us, we’re sure to find everyone on here that’s still alive.”

“Hmm...” Coran ponders for a few moments. “I remember a group of them saying that there’s a radio frequency they use to communicate with others. And they do filters and codes within their messages to ensure no one outside their group can understand what they’re saying. That could be very effective.”

“Matt, Hunk, and I can deal with that,” Pidge beams. “We’ll have that set up as soon as possible.”

“Good plan,” he grins. “Matt and I are also working on an antidote. We hope that we can develop something that can counteract with the effects of Leech bites. If we can’t do that, then at the very least we’ll have a drug that helps with the effects of the gas. The latter will surely be more useful to us.”

Allura nods, her brows furrowing as she closes in on a specific coordinate on the map. “There! I found one.”

“Where, Boss?” Lance hurries to look.

“I’ve encountered with civilians from this planet before. It’s Olkarion! The Olkari are friendly and incredibly advanced in engineering. We’ll be safe there.”

“Olkarion...” I’ve never heard of that planet before. That means it must _definitely_ be far enough away from here.

“I’ll send them a message, and we should all collect resources for the trip.” She looks at us. “Find out what else Hunk needs to build these ships. A normal process can take years, but we _don’t_ have that much time available to us. Anything to help him will be essential. Furthermore, on Altea we’ve used artificial wormholes as a means of fast transportation. I will be assisting that side of the project. With these elements combined, we’ll be off Arus in a matter of weeks.”

“Yes, Allura.” The affirmation all around the room makes her straighten up further.

“Right. Let’s get to work. There will be no more rest until we’re off this planet. Understood?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Now, you’re dismissed,” she nods, leading the way out of her office as we step out together.

We’ve been working on these separate projects for several days now. I haven’t seen the ships that Hunk has been building yet, but I know that he’s been given a lot of help thanks to the Arusians. The more hands we have on deck, the merrier. Lance is also teaching a group how to use firearms. With the extra help, we now have the sentries changed every four hours. When he’s not on duty, Lance is helping Hunk with the production of the ships. We all do our part in making sure these giants are ready for launch before the month is over.

I haven’t seen keith since we’ve first confronted Allura. He’s been working with more of the survivors on how to do hand-to-hand combat. In case there ever was an attack at the base, we all need to be prepared for anything. He looks so focused while teaching, and I’ve grown to love the moments where I could take a short break just to watch him.

As for me, my job is to make sure that absolutely everything is accounted for. I’ve been keeping an inventory of our provisions, as well as keeping an active attendance record of every single person in the base. The worst thing that I have to do is help Pidge test out the different weapons that she’s been working on. She’s long since perfected her pistol, but she also wants to revamp Lance’s rifle and Hunk’s blast cannon.

As a result of finding out about the gas properties in my arm, she’s replicated the effects, despite not having any personal contact with the matter itself.

“We’ll need a sample,” I say gravely as we’re now looking over our analyses. “That’s the only way we’ll be able to crack this. Do you think you can extract a sample from my arm?”

“Without damaging it, I don’t think so.” She shrugs. “Maybe Hunk can help me. He’s got a better hand at hardware and engineering than I do.”

“I’ll be able to talk to him about doing that, then.” I look the other way towards the door.

Something is itching at the back of my head, giving me an even further sense of urgency. Time cannot move any faster, no matter how much willpower I have. But it’s sure worth a try.

The clock is ticking.

 

_Several weeks and nightmares later, we’ve_ come up with some sort of battle plan. The ships are nearly ready for launch, but we still need to make sure that every survivor is accounted for. We’ve taken countless patrols, with myself going on every single one of them. The more that we’ve gone out there, the more overrun with Leeches the area becomes.

There’s just one more problem. We need to gain access to the Galaxy Garrison Headquarters. In there, all our problems will be solved. It has everything we need to get our ships off the ground, and we’ll have enough firepower to stave off the Galra for an extensive amount of time.

“We will go out in the morning.” We’re sitting in Allura’s office together, and I’d just laid out the latest portion of our plan. “We’ve reached far enough in the past to get close to the gates. The area is beyond infested, which is why we all need to prepare. With the proper firepower and access to escape routes, we all should be able to get in and out in one piece.”

“Everyone must go,” Allura says. “I need Hunk and Keith on transportation, Shiro and Lance on defenses, and Pidge on top of our directories. And in case of any emergency, I need you to bring your pistol.”

“Sweet,” she grinned as she held it in her hand.

“Careful with that thing,” Hunk grimaces while stepping back.

“It’s settled, then.” With our boss’ affirmative, our meeting is adjourned.

I’m the first one to step out. There is still so much work to be done to prepare for the tail end of our mission. We need provisions and firearms, and who knows if any of the new recruits will want to come with us. I have a lot on my plate right now. Fortunately, for me, there’s no time to rest.

“Shiro?”

Keith’s voice makes me jump within my own skin. Something that should be more than welcoming suddenly sounds terrifying. I keep silent, still going on ahead up to our rooms.

“Shiro, answer me.”

I grit my teeth, hearing Keith trying to talk to me again. It’s still hard to face him. I’ve left well enough alone, after he’d started healing. He’s been so busy working with the Arusians and Allura that I felt there was no need to press things further any time soon. But now the issue is staring at me dead in the face. It’s not something I can just will away anymore.

“Shiro.” His voice is a lot harsher.

“Keith, what do you want me to say?” I turn my head sharply. It’s probably a lot sharper than I’d intended. “what more is there for me to say?”

“You’d think that after hurting me, _I’d_ be the one that’s standoffish and brooding. Color me surprised, I suppose.” He crosses his arms and glares at me.

His eyes are like daggers. His arm is still bandaged up, the skin finally healing underneath. But the scars will be the constant reminder of what I’d done to him. That will never go away.

“You don’t understand—”

“What more is there to understand?” he scoffs. “I thought you’d told me everything! We found out about the Galra through your information on Sendak, and the lab, and your arm. It’s not that hard to wrap my head around. And what you claim to have done, that was all in the past. If you want me to say it was terrible and shitty, then yeah, I guess it was. But what more can I say? You claim I’m smart, but you don’t even give me a chance to fill basic pieces together!”

“I _murdered_ innocent civilians, Keith!”

I don’t know if he’s shocked by what I said or the fact that I’m communicating with him. Either way, I feel like kicking myself for just opening my mouth.

“There’s nothing on this planet that’s gonna change that. Not this mission, not Voltron, and _especially_ not you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he mutters and crosses his arms.

“It doesn’t mean _anything._ You can’t change any of what happened. That’s as blunt as I’m gonna get.”

He frowns. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I _know_ that, but that doesn’t mean you can’t communicate with my anymore.”

“We’re not having this conversation,” I mutter. “Tomorrow we have to leave for headquarters. We need to be focused.”

He crosses his arms. “Fine.”

Turning on his heel, he storms off to his room. When the door slams, I shudder on my next sigh.

There’s nothing more for me to do now. I hear shuffling in Keith’s room, and I walk over to see if I can apologize. It doesn’t take long for me at all to realize that I’ve been in the wrong for not communicating with him. Even if I hurt him, we’re still in a relationship. I hate that it takes me yelling at Keith to realize that.

I’ve always hated yelling at him. If my past self were to see me now, he’d punch me in the face. I’ve been such a terrible husband.

When I go to knock on his door, however, I suddenly hear Keith let out a sob from the room. It makes me stop dead in my tracks. All attempts to come into his room come to a halt. I can’t bring myself to commit.

I can admit cowardice, if I must, but I think it’s in our best interest if I just leave Keith alone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more day?

_We’re all traveling down the highway,_ and I remain silent while seating back in Hunk’s jeep. Pidge is riding with Keith this time around. It was my idea to keep us separated, since we needed to stay focused on the mission. Of course, the others didn’t take it that well. Who are they to judge? We all have our own issues to deal with, so how Keith and I deal with ours is none of their business.

We have backup with us. Most of the stronger survivors are with us, varying in all sizes and dispersed in vehicles in our group. We’re hoping that we can get this mission done as quickly as possible. I, for one, want to get off this planet fast.

The gateway to headquarters is right in view now. I feel a sudden twinge of anxiety when staring at it. There are so many memories in this building, and Keith can attest for that. I’ve been in and out of that building since I was first enlisted. But to see it rundown and abandoned makes me sick to my stomach.

The gateway has been bashed in, leaving a huge gap for anyone or any _thing_ to get in. I immediately have a bad feeling about this.

“Enter slowly,” I say over the radio. “We don’t want to alert anything inside. There’s a possibility that it may also be overrun by Galra, since they’re directly linked to the Leeches. Be careful.”

“Understood,” Pidge answers.

So far, the entire property is vacant. We park in front of the building, although I’m wary that we’re leaving our vehicles behind in the first place. I step out first, and Lance and Hunk get their own weapons ready. The other members of our group get their weapons, as well, but their safeties are still on. It’s probably better that way. At the very least, I feel relieved that we’re not entirely alone.

“Let’s split up into groups,” Pidge speaks up again. “Lance, Hunk, and I will take a group down this wing. Shiro, you and Keith should go down with another group down the other.”

“Wha—” I start to protest, and I’m met with several glares the more pointed ones from Hunk, Lance, and Pidge. I shake my head and nod as I gesture towards half of the group. “Come with us.”

Keith’s silent as he goes on further ahead. Upon entering the building, we remain in silence and in the shadows. Our weapons are at the ready as our group splits into two. I fall back to keep an eye on our troops, and I can’t help but feel doubtful of our strength despite our numbers.

“We’re heading towards the launch bay,” I whisper. We should gather enough rocket fuel for all of us to carry. The goal is to not take a second trip.”

I could hear a pin drop in here. Everyone is being respectfully quiet. But silence can also be suffocating.

I know exactly where to go to find the fuel. Down several corridors and in a locked steel room, they’ll be waiting for us. As we’re walking, I hear an Arusian whispering to another person.

“With all these valuables inside, you’d think the Galra have already been here and taken it all by now.”

It makes me stop dead in my tracks. What if they _did_ storm this place already? I haven’t seen that many vehicles in the garage. Maybe they’ve found out how to get in. They don’t need to waste their time with combinations or passwords. All they need to do is destroy the door and take the spoils. It’s as easy as it sounds.

“Come on,” Keith chides ahead of him as he leads the way still.

“We have to be quiet,” I warn him. “We don’t know what else is in here.”

He doesn’t respond and says nothing after that. We all turn to the right, which is where the launch bay will be. It’s a top-secret area. I’d only just been allowed access to it upon being promoted to Lieutenant. The power has been completely down in this building thus far, but I hope that I can still enter the door’s password.

Much to my dismay, it turns out that I won’t need the password after all. The door has a gaping hole in it, just as I feared. The room is in complete disarray.

What’s more haunting is seeing the remains of long dead corpses lying around the area. The Garrison uniforms are ripped up on their frames, and this entire room becomes a gruesome museum. It’s so haunting to see all these people that I’ve worked alongside with, defending the planet until their last breaths.

“...Were we too late?” Keith looks around, keeping himself armed as everyone files in.

I don’t want to believe that, even though I don’t see the fuel. “Let’s keep searching. There are secret compartments in this room.”

The launch bay is incredibly vast, with run-down shuttles and fighter ships interspersed throughout the massive space. It really takes me back, and I remember standing in this room looking at my wedding ring and silently saying a prayer that the trip to Daibazaal will be mercifully short. God has a sick, twisted sense of humor.

“Anything can be lurking. Stay silent as we search,” I mumble. “We can’t be too careful around here. In an effort to not freak myself out, I’ve achieved the exact opposite of my goal.

“There’s a storage area over here.” Carefully letting my hand glow to produce light, I guide them to the further right side of the room. The tremor in my breath is enough to expose my nerves, but with the utmost effort I try to seem calm. “We’ll be able to find the fuel in here if it hasn’t been raided.”

I just noticed that Keith is staying back near the entrance of the launch bay with a portion of our group. I hope that someone or some _thing_ doesn’t come in right now. I can hear my pulse in my ears as I attempt to open the door. The pin pad for the code is completely useless, and there are no other knobs or switches for the door. And the last thing I want to do is bang down the door and rouse any unexpected visitors.

In a last stitch effort, I place my burning palm on the door. By pure will, I allow it to burn, despite my internal reluctance.

It works.

I watch as the metal of the door starts to give way under the heat. _But the fuel!_ I don’t want to accidentally ignite the tanks that are hopefully stored inside here, so I retract my hand as soon as the metal beneath it melts down further. This arm never ceases to scare me, and the sooner I can get it removed, the better. With an open hole at the center of the door, I wait for the melted areas to cool before attempting to pull apart the material to force it open the rest of the way. The security system is nonfunctional, so the door doesn’t immediately seal shut once I move my arms away from it.

“Look at all this fuel,” I hear someone gasp.

I’m so incredibly relieved! “Our portion of the mission is nearly complete. Take as much as you can carry and head back the way we came. We can load the fuel into our vehicles.” So that I don’t raise my voice, I attempt to speak to Keith over the radio. “Hey Keith, we have the rocket fuel.”

 _“Awesome.”_ I just hear the whispered cheer of Lance from the radio in response. _“We couldn’t find any weapons. But we did find a storage unit full of ammunition.”_

“That’s perfect. Awesome job, guys,” I grin as I grab one of the larger tanks. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

 _“I hate to break up all this good news.”_ That’s Hunk’s voice this time. _“But I think that this mission was over all really quick and easy. Or, you could say... it was done_ too _quickly and easily.”_

I don’t want to think of that, but he’s right. That sinking feeling that I had in my gut upon reaching the obliterated gateway has returned, and it’s come back with a vengeance. With the launch bay being raided and the inside of the headquarters in complete disarray as we all walked through this place, there has been one thing on my mind that’s been bothering me. It’s been nagging at me the whole time, but I’ve chosen up until now to ignore it. It’s a possibility, but there aren’t any official signs. There are no ships, no crew... Not even a single Leech. We’d just confirmed months before that this area was completely infested.

Not only was it the sneaking suspicion and paranoia that fed this theory into my brain, but there was also an idea. It’s as if this was something I _wanted_ or anticipated, and that’s an ugly, impossible assumption. Lo and behold, it’s there. And the only thing I can do now is warn them.

“...It’s an ambush.”

_“What?”_

_“Shiro.”_

I suddenly don’t feel well. Something about this place is starting to make me feel sick.

“It’s an ambush,” I mutter again into the radio. “We need to get out of here _now._ ”

Keith’s exasperated sigh is then heard as we start filing out and heading back down the corridor. We’ve been on this trail for the past few months. “Shiro, the coast has been clear so far.”

“We should’ve had someone outside,” I mutter. “We need to run.”

“But Shiro, the Arusians...”

I groan as I turn back to see them struggling to carry their tanks. We don’t _need_ this right now. “Hunk, send the strongest ones in your group over to our wing so that we can get out of here faster. It’s urgent.”

Something is coming. I can feel it, like it’s being choreographed. I’ve experienced something like this feeling I’m having right now before. Somehow, somewhere... Perhaps, on another planet.

“I hear them coming,” Keith whispers.

“Good,” I mumble. “Arusians, you can set the tanks down so that they can help you carry them.”

We expect a call from them to follow, maybe referring to either Keith or myself by name. But instead, what we get is something far too chilling to the bone.

A blood-curdling screech. From the entrance we came in from.

I suddenly drop the tank in my arms, excruciating pain shooting up and down my arm. I’ve never felt this feeling before—or, maybe I have, _on another planet._ It feels like sparks, lightning shooting up and down the prosthesis and etching signals into my brain. I feel my knees buckle, and that’s the last sensation I feel as the Leeches are coming towards us.

Everything after that is a blur.

I remember the glow of my arm. I remember shots being fired from all around me. Lance and Hunk storm through with Pidge opening fire and somehow not missing any of us. There are screams from everywhere. They’re coming from the Leeches, the Arusians, other extraterrestrial creatures, from the four Paladins, _myself..._ I don’t see an end to this chaos.

I’m throwing punches, seeing red as I try and eliminate anything that I see as a threat. If they come too close, they’re as good as dead. I can feel Leech blood already sticking to my frame. There are also voices surrounding me from figures that are all too familiar to me, taking me right back to the days I was fighting for my life in a prison cell.

My throat feels like it’s being torn from the inside out as I won’t stop hearing my own screams and shouts in my ears, blocking out anything else that tries to mask it. Even when I hear my own name echoing in my mind.

_“Shiro! Shiro! Shiro!”_

It’s a chant, egging on my thirst for blood. Nothing in my path is any match against me. The screams are urging for the victor to go through the spoils, to stand atop their pedestal that rightfully belongs to them. _My_ pedestal. I stand atop a mass, my feet crushing it and applying as much pressure as physically possible.

**_“SHIRO!”_ **

The world stops.

Finally, the fog that was blocking my senses has been lifted. Around me is... it’s a bloodbath. Tarry blood is sticking to my frame, and I see crimson layers on my clothes and on my _hands._

_Whose blood is this?!_

I frantically look around, seeing the corpses of Leeches, as well as... corpses of our own troops. They’re all lying unnaturally, some of them ghostly pale from being bitten and others that have been brutally mutilated in a way that requires brute strength and knowledge of vitals.

Staring at me with wide, fear-stricken eyes are the faces of people I’ve spent months trying to get to know. They all look like strangers now, stepping back from me with horror unabashedly displayed on their faces. And I don’t even know what happened!

“W-what happened?” I gasp and step closer. In response, everyone cowers back several steps. Everyone except Keith, who’s eyes are fixed on me while he stays frozen. “Please, answer me.”

No one does. At least, not at first.

“He’s a Galra weapon,” Pidge concludes. “The arm merely is the main power source. It seems that there are nerves or sensors linked to his brain. Chances are, he’d blacked out during the whole thing. It could be from that or from trauma. Or both. I was worried after several tests on him. I’d noticed that there were some odd tremors in it whenever he was mad, like it was ready to burst. It’s all... completely intentional.”

“What can get rid of it?” Keith asks slowly.

“I think the only way to get rid of it is to chop off the arm,” she says. “It will stop all activity in his brain that makes him go berserk like that under pressure.”

It’s like I’m not even in the room!

“Guys, please!” I beg, just hoping that now at least they’ll respond to me! “What happened? Did I... did I kill anyone?”

They stare at me. Now that I’m not experiencing this strange tunnel vision that’s been going on, I realize that there are indeed still others in our group that are still alive. But they’re all quivering in fear.

“You... almost did.”

_Oh, thank fuck!_

I feel like I’m going to burst. But with that idea coming to mind, it still was an incredibly close call. I can’t help but feel confused about the blood. Where did it come from?

Lance is the one to speak next. “You were checking on one of the Arusians after she was gunned down.”

“Oh. I nod as a shiver runs down my spine. “But... who gunned her down?”

A vast majority of the people point over to a body. Something creeps up in my chest, and I’m not sure what the sensation is supposed to be. It’s the corpse of a Galra shoulder. At least, it’s what’s left of it. From the looks of it, the guard had been torn to shreds. But the only one that currently has that unhuman strength capable of this is me.

I’d killed the guard. And I don’t have enough time to register it.

“There are Galra hiding around,” Pidge whispers. “They were here, and they’ve scattered after the Leeches were killed. I think they’re regrouping. We have to get out of here.”

“Right.” Hunk has his blast cannon. “Let’s keep going. Pidge, we need you to drive one of the other cruisers, now that it doesn’t have a driver. Shiro, go with Keith and stay at the back of the group.”

I’m incredibly scared and confused, and when I look to Keith for some reassurance he’s already heading out with the rest of the group. Now the stronger members are the ones carrying the fuel cans while the Arusians are carrying ammunition. All of them are still shaken up by the attack. I wish I can help console them, but I myself am still trying to figure out why I blacked out. The broken and numb looks on their faces absolutely kill me. But we all know that it’s part of our journey to escape this planet.

The fuel’s being loaded up, and Keith and I stay by the hoverbike. Keith isn’t looking at me and just staring up at the sky.

“I know we’re not ready,” he says solemnly, “but this is going to be our last day on this planet.”

We’re nowhere near ready. I’m looking at the crew. They’re revving up their engines, with Pidge leading the way in one of the smaller cruisers. Our ships are nearly ready to accommodate us. But it’s not going to be enough.

“Yeah. I know.”

The sky begins to darken as Keith starts up his bike. This planet is on its last legs. I hope the Olkari have gotten our message by now.

“We have to move,” I tell him as we both hop on. My hands are still shaking as I wrap them around his waist to hold onto him. “We need to get off Arus now.”

“Yeah.” We both shove our helmets on our heads as we ride off.

The others are further ahead, but the weight of the fuel tanks have slowed them down. We have another hour to get to the base, and after that we have to get ready to board. Once we get to Olkaria, our worries will finally be over. We’ll no longer have to live in fear. Or at least, some of us will. I’ve gotten used to the idea of constantly being on edge. That really isn’t going to change.

There are weird shadows forming on the ground as we’re riding back. A breeze in the air keeps the shivers running down our spines. And it’s then that I realize... we’re being followed.

I look up at the sky, and I’m shaken to find that the ship I’d wasted two years of my life in is hovering right over us.

“Guys!” I shout into the radio, startling Keith. “We’re under attack! Split up until you meet at the rendezvous point! Don’t let yourselves get captured!”

 _“Oh shit!”_ Pidge calls as the vehicles ahead of us split into three groups. _“We’ll meet at the base. Allura needs to call Marmora immediately!”_

Lance speaks up now. _“I’ll send a distress signal to both bases.”_

I’m anticipating having to go back there and prepare for a long day of preparing to leave orbit. It’s all playing out in my mind now. This is it! This is the final stretch before we can find a new home. But in the midst of my planning, I can’t help but get the feeling that somehow Keith’s stopped moving.

“What’s going on?” I mutter. “We’re not moving.”

“I don’t know, Shiro,” he snaps, revving at the engine. “It’s stuck.”

“It can’t be stuck!”

“Shiro, I’m doing everything I can to get it to move, but it’s stuck!” he snaps. My heart jumps to my throat as it feels like we’re being elevated further above the ground. “W-what’s happening?”

_“Shiro!”_

_“Keith!”_

The startled screams of the others below fill my head, and I stare up at the blinding source of light that is beaming us up into the ship. In an effort to seek freedom, I find myself ready to be held captive again. Keith’s struggling, but I’ve long since gone limp.

I’m going to die if I go back in there.

**Author's Note:**

> [Image Source for better quality aaaa It's so lovely Lexy!](https://ton.twitter.com/i/ton/data/dm/968450631378743300/968450591469944832/dRWSO9Qe.jpg)


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